Why Am I Doing This?
I posted a new self-shot on Facebook today and got a ton of comments from it about how good I look. Lord knows that body image has long been an issue for me. I hated how I looked for years, but not enough to want to do anything about it. To be honest, the main reason I finally relented and got my act together was that I did not want to go through another winter getting horribly sick as I did this past one. There was that, but even more so, I knew if I did not make some drastic changes soon, complications from diabetes would likely start hitting and I very well likely would have been dead in my 60s.
I knew that losing weight would likely gain me some attention that I otherwise would not get at my higher weight, On the other hand, when I was at my heaviest at 360, one of the hottest men I have ever met chased me down and gave me an experience I will never forget. I know that no matter what weight I am, there will be somoene that finds me attractive at that weight. So the answer is I am not doing this to "look good" as "good" is just too subjective a term. The whole media and culturally driven idea that gay men are supposed to all be thin, pretty, witty and rich a la Will & Grace has never been an ideal I have subscribed to. I am not giving into pressure to "fit in" with the "right" crowd. Hardly. If I could be healthy at over 300 pounds, I would not have embarked on this journey.
However, I did embark, and god knows I am much healthier already even though I am only about half way to the goals I have set. I am not looking at a particular number. My doctor would like me around 180 since he has deemed my frame to be "medium" instead of large. I have not weighed that little since 8th grade, so the likelihood of getting to that point are slim and none. I think around 200 I will be just fine. At that weight I should be close to the same waist size I had when I graduated HS. Also, I will better ensure that I can get off ALL the meds I am currently taking, including the statin and blood pressure med. I want to be stronger and steadier on my feet as I get older. Also, I have suffered a bit of bone density loss and want to halt the continuance of it and hopefully reverse it and gain some back.
I have had a good number admire my discipline and wonder how I can stick with a diet that to them seems so restrictive. To tell the truth, I really don't miss things like bacon, sweets, pasta, bread and potatoes. I get tested and tempted at times like this past weekend when I went to a pool party where they had a desert spread that looked phenominal. I enjoyed some fruit salad instead and was perfectly satisfied. I think the key for me is that I have something in my favor - I am a Smith man. We tend to be a stubborn lot and when we put our minds to something, we can not be swayed in our determination. This trait in my family has its good and bad points (just ask my Mom), but it is a characteristic I gladly embrace in times like this one.
Anyway, the photo compared to one taken on July 7 for comparison...
July 9
August 9
