Based on a 168 hour week, I have calculated that I have between 57 and 59 hours free per week. I have between 5 and 12 hours free daily, depending on the day. My calculations include 6 hours for sleep, 2 hours for total time spent in the acquiring and consuming of food, 2 hours of dedicated homework time, 1 hour for transport (on the bus, not ( Read more... )

White noise. No noise at all. The ambient sound that means nothing is around. There are three other people in this apartment. It is driving me mad. 

 I've been wondering what it would feel like to die. I recently felt something die. The heart was slow, but jumpy. It was putting effort into sustaining a life. I imagine it would be something like after running, when your heart is pounding into your ribs, trying so hard to keep all functions responsive, but slower. I can't decide if I like the ( Read more... )

Hm, been a while. My mind has been occupied with trying to keep me from going off the deep end. I felt like a complete failure last week(still do really, but determination has kicked in.) I had to drop my first course ever, my favorite course, because I couldn't find the time to do the work between my other classes. I know this is a good reason to ( Read more... )

I yelled at myself today. Mentally, of course. I look psychotic enough without yelling at myself out loud. I failed my Calculus 2 test. The first one. The easiest test I have seen in a long time. It was truly easy. I was truly stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I hate being associated with that word. I finally realize the potential in my brain, in myself, and ( Read more... )

It no longer amazes me that working with numbers and equations and algorithms and formulas and graphs and problems makes me giddy with excitement. It does make me extremely happy when I find that my brain can function in a completely different manner than it should, than it has for the past 22 years of my life. I no longer have to be that girl - ( Read more... )

I have an abusive relationship with food. I wanted to wilt all the lettuce within a 100 mile radius today just so I wouldn't have to eat it. But, being that I am merely human (at least by today's standards) the lettuce wouldn't wilt so I had to eat the damn stuff just to get to the actual meal. The lettuce is a goal. An irreplaceable goal, that ( Read more... )

Do you know how much of ourselves we leave behind everyday in places we can't even imagine we could reach? Every place we step, every thing we touch, every place we breath, something, a skin cell, a speck of saliva, a strand of hair, gets left behind. We infect everything. We infect each other; carry everyone around, spreading ourselves. There is ( Read more... )

I've been writing for a while now. Not here, obviously. But on paper. It's a nice thing, but I find my hands using a pencil can't keep up with my coherent thoughts (gods help them with the others.) Thoughts are such wondrous things, but they are fleeting. I know my fingers can type faster than they can write. Therefore I wish to pick up this ( Read more... )

I had a dream that everything fell apart, but we were still together. That makes me happy.

One month to go...