The Laws That Bind Me
For as much as I talk/type to all and sundry I am occasionally surprised by the things I fail to mention. I've been accused of being hopelessly cryptic, which may be true but is only a result of my cautious desire to not foist my messy emotions and personal life upon those who have not specifically asked for it. Sometimes, however, I simply fail to inform those dear to me of some of my most basic and fundamental truths. I'm so busy explaining the obscure or new that I completely space the fundamentals. "How is it I've never heard of this "I will not turn away from love, be it great or small,' before?" Eh, because, like gravity, I take it for granted and forgot to mention it. I very rarely actually sit down and have conversations about the laws I use to mediate and direct my chaos. I believe it might be prudent to start remedying that. So, before I can start procrastinating, let me explain the law that started this pondering.
I will not turn away from love, be it great or small.
My mother raised me as somewhat of a social experiment. Being a child of the sixties and a fan of Heinlein she wanted to see what would happen if you raised a child with the notion that bisexuality and polyamory (it was just free love in those days) are the natural state of mankind. I grew up thinking of jealousy and homophobia as being bizarre and functionless cultural peculiarities which had little to do with me or mine. Later in life I encountered monogamy as a real thing that impacted my life, not just a hypothetical thing other people did. There were folks who wanted me to choose which lover took priority and reject the others. I had myself a long sit down and contemplated how a person would even go about deciding such a thing. Each love is different and even the “little loves” that only last a brief time and involve minimal commitment can be incredibly powerful and important. What may feel like a great love can fall apart after a few months and what may feel like a minor love can last for years and turn into a cherished and central relationship. There is also the unavoidable truth that no one person can be all of the things that I need from a partner. Some of my needs are actually mutually exclusive. It is unfair and unrealistic to ask one person to be all that I need. I decided that there was no acceptable way for me to choose between my lovers and that I truly had no wish to do so. Any person I rejected all other opportunities for I would simply end up resenting and souring any potential that we had to be close. So I promised myself that I would not try to place a set value on any given love and that I would accept the love that came to me and reject no part of it for the sake of another, no matter how much I loved them or how important they felt to me. I have never come across an argument for limiting myself that I found compelling. Yes, there is only a finite amount of time, but that same argument could be used to pry me from my friends and hobbies. I will spend my time where and how I choose. Yes, there is a greater risk of disease, but if I stay huddled in a corner for fear of disease I will never share physical love with anybody and that is a life not worth living for me. I try to minimize the risk and be responsible. It is simple nonsense to argue that children can only have two parental figures in their life and I’m effectively barren in any case. I do NOT have a finite amount of love to give. There have been other arguments, increasingly emotional and irrational, and I have rejected them all. I see no reason to deny ourselves the happiness which comes our way simply because we have a cultural difficulty with sharing. I will not pass love by for sake of soothing another’s ego. So it goes.
I will not turn away from love, be it great or small.
My mother raised me as somewhat of a social experiment. Being a child of the sixties and a fan of Heinlein she wanted to see what would happen if you raised a child with the notion that bisexuality and polyamory (it was just free love in those days) are the natural state of mankind. I grew up thinking of jealousy and homophobia as being bizarre and functionless cultural peculiarities which had little to do with me or mine. Later in life I encountered monogamy as a real thing that impacted my life, not just a hypothetical thing other people did. There were folks who wanted me to choose which lover took priority and reject the others. I had myself a long sit down and contemplated how a person would even go about deciding such a thing. Each love is different and even the “little loves” that only last a brief time and involve minimal commitment can be incredibly powerful and important. What may feel like a great love can fall apart after a few months and what may feel like a minor love can last for years and turn into a cherished and central relationship. There is also the unavoidable truth that no one person can be all of the things that I need from a partner. Some of my needs are actually mutually exclusive. It is unfair and unrealistic to ask one person to be all that I need. I decided that there was no acceptable way for me to choose between my lovers and that I truly had no wish to do so. Any person I rejected all other opportunities for I would simply end up resenting and souring any potential that we had to be close. So I promised myself that I would not try to place a set value on any given love and that I would accept the love that came to me and reject no part of it for the sake of another, no matter how much I loved them or how important they felt to me. I have never come across an argument for limiting myself that I found compelling. Yes, there is only a finite amount of time, but that same argument could be used to pry me from my friends and hobbies. I will spend my time where and how I choose. Yes, there is a greater risk of disease, but if I stay huddled in a corner for fear of disease I will never share physical love with anybody and that is a life not worth living for me. I try to minimize the risk and be responsible. It is simple nonsense to argue that children can only have two parental figures in their life and I’m effectively barren in any case. I do NOT have a finite amount of love to give. There have been other arguments, increasingly emotional and irrational, and I have rejected them all. I see no reason to deny ourselves the happiness which comes our way simply because we have a cultural difficulty with sharing. I will not pass love by for sake of soothing another’s ego. So it goes.