(no subject)
I will answer truthfully and honestly any question kith ask me, barring that information which is not mine to give.
That’s right kiddies; no holds barred, no matter how embarrassing/personal/damning the answer I’ll give it if asked. I do NOT require myself to volunteer information though and I don’t have to tell you other folks’ personal information just because I happen to know it. There’s a good reason why I typically don’t advertise this law much: it’s fuckin’ scary.
There are also very good reasons for having this law. One is that I’m a distressingly good liar. Part of why the law is worded “truthfully and honestly” is because I’m quite good at misleading with half-truths or telling truths in such a way that I know they will be misinterpreted or disbelieved. I used this ability a little too freely until I actually got to know my step father.
My step father is a true, diagnosed, compulsive liar. My mother was devastated when she learned that her husband and spiritual leader of six years was a fictional creation. She’d lived with him, loved him, and married him without ever knowing that his entire life story was fabricated out of hole cloth. Upon learning this I observed my step father in a new way and learned several crucial things: 1) he lied because he hated himself and his real history and wanted to be something bigger, better, and more impressive 2) his lies kept him from truly connecting with people and insured he was constantly lonely and isolated, reinforcing his self hate 3) his lies took a tremendous amount of time and energy to uphold 4) when his lies were discovered he lost absolutely EVERYTHING. I never want to end up trapped in the net I saw him in. To guard against the temptation to start manipulating and maneuvering folks in such a manner I vowed to be painfully honest with kith. Strangers and kin are a different matter. I’m a little differently moraled.
The other reason is this: I’m a coward. One of my greatest fears (and greatest fascinations) is vulnerability. If I allow myself the option of fudging or refusing to answer questions then I will forever keep people at arm's length and never let them near all the sensitive bits in my center. I know precisely how isolating and miserable that can be, thank you, and have no desire to revisit that place. I haven’t the courage to volunteer all my soft spots and tender places, but I’ve at least set myself a rule to never hide from those who ask to see. That itself is scarier than it might sound.
That’s right kiddies; no holds barred, no matter how embarrassing/personal/damning the answer I’ll give it if asked. I do NOT require myself to volunteer information though and I don’t have to tell you other folks’ personal information just because I happen to know it. There’s a good reason why I typically don’t advertise this law much: it’s fuckin’ scary.
There are also very good reasons for having this law. One is that I’m a distressingly good liar. Part of why the law is worded “truthfully and honestly” is because I’m quite good at misleading with half-truths or telling truths in such a way that I know they will be misinterpreted or disbelieved. I used this ability a little too freely until I actually got to know my step father.
My step father is a true, diagnosed, compulsive liar. My mother was devastated when she learned that her husband and spiritual leader of six years was a fictional creation. She’d lived with him, loved him, and married him without ever knowing that his entire life story was fabricated out of hole cloth. Upon learning this I observed my step father in a new way and learned several crucial things: 1) he lied because he hated himself and his real history and wanted to be something bigger, better, and more impressive 2) his lies kept him from truly connecting with people and insured he was constantly lonely and isolated, reinforcing his self hate 3) his lies took a tremendous amount of time and energy to uphold 4) when his lies were discovered he lost absolutely EVERYTHING. I never want to end up trapped in the net I saw him in. To guard against the temptation to start manipulating and maneuvering folks in such a manner I vowed to be painfully honest with kith. Strangers and kin are a different matter. I’m a little differently moraled.
The other reason is this: I’m a coward. One of my greatest fears (and greatest fascinations) is vulnerability. If I allow myself the option of fudging or refusing to answer questions then I will forever keep people at arm's length and never let them near all the sensitive bits in my center. I know precisely how isolating and miserable that can be, thank you, and have no desire to revisit that place. I haven’t the courage to volunteer all my soft spots and tender places, but I’ve at least set myself a rule to never hide from those who ask to see. That itself is scarier than it might sound.