(no subject)
I don't know why, but I've never wanted to be with him more. I don't think it's the fact that I'm so far away or anything, something in me just really wants him to at least some be with me for a weekend. Maybe I just need a weekend right now, just to last me for like 6 months. I figure, I haven't really spent any time with a guy for about a month and a half-ish. It's been awhile. I hate that I am not crying about missing home but about missing him. It's really bullshit. I thought that I would be so much bigger than this. Maybe this is just his little plan. Why he's really been spending time trying to talk to me and saying that he's coming to visit and then it falls through?? It's come to the point, I just want to be with you or not know you, I don't know what I'm getting out of this. You obviously are getting the best of both worlds, a girlfriend at home and another girl in a different city. Guys like this are why girls run off and get married, they get so fed up, they just want to get married to someone else so they don't have to deal with some other guy's bullshit anymore and he looks terrible if he ever approaches her about anything. Something tells me that I will never leave the city and go home to Midland. I haven't even cried and wanted to go home. I actually like it here. It's not that hard to get used to. It's just different. I like the feeling of being independent and "free". As "free" as possible when your parents are paying for everything. Anyways, classes start monday and then the freedom is gone....but I am looking forward to that too, I'm anxious to start learning and get into what I will be doing the rest of my life. I actually met a really cool girl and we've been hanging out all week, so I really am hoping that we are friends for the next few years, because we have a lot in common and she seems like a lot of fun.
But about the guy....I do want to see him, it's just hard, I can't get attached, he belongs to someone else, but at the same time, I feel like I need him to make me feel complete. It's a messed up situation. Nothing I do will make me feel good, short term or long term. I just have to make sure not to get completely wrapped up in him that I can't focus on anything else that's going on in my life. Because if that's going to happen, I can't see him all together. And I want to see him....hopefully soon.
But about the guy....I do want to see him, it's just hard, I can't get attached, he belongs to someone else, but at the same time, I feel like I need him to make me feel complete. It's a messed up situation. Nothing I do will make me feel good, short term or long term. I just have to make sure not to get completely wrapped up in him that I can't focus on anything else that's going on in my life. Because if that's going to happen, I can't see him all together. And I want to see him....hopefully soon.