not mopey, just thinky
note to self: people are always going to overlook you because they know they can count on you. your being away from home doesn't change that. if both of you are going to call at the same time (because you make her), they're always going to want to talk to her more. you're not the one who withholds calls for months at a time, so that's just how the cookie crumbles. you don't get thanks for being the reliable one, but don't let that suck you into playing the game. it's not worth it, and it's not who you are.
but it does mean that you get to feel less guilty when you don't carve time out of your tv hour(s) to give them a call every single day. they'll live. you'll talk over the weekend.
on a more awesome note, today is one of those days i'm just happy to be here. it was long and exhausting and really, really rough in spots, and i did not know my kid was capable of that level of sass, never mind that he was capable of dishing it out to me, but it was hilarious, and kind of adorable, and only mildly frustrating. and finding that sweet spot where we were just rolling along, and he was going for all his sounds and getting them, that was magical all on its own. i'm still getting a little thrill just thinking about it.
i thought i was going to be more aggravated than i was, or that i would at least feel a little more rattled, but i think we've found our groove, if i can only learn to keep exploiting it. and my supervisor only stepped in once - briefly - and that was about a behavioural issue, which (hopefully) means that i'm keeping on the right track. and i felt it, too. something clicked today, and if i keep moving in this direction, i might actually help him by the time the quarter is up. holy shit.
there are going to be days i catch myself thinking i'm not the right fit for this job, or that i'm in way over my head, or that i have no idea what i'm doing and i should just pack it up and go home, but then i'll come back to this entry, and remember today, and how it felt, and -- try to recreate it.
but it does mean that you get to feel less guilty when you don't carve time out of your tv hour(s) to give them a call every single day. they'll live. you'll talk over the weekend.
on a more awesome note, today is one of those days i'm just happy to be here. it was long and exhausting and really, really rough in spots, and i did not know my kid was capable of that level of sass, never mind that he was capable of dishing it out to me, but it was hilarious, and kind of adorable, and only mildly frustrating. and finding that sweet spot where we were just rolling along, and he was going for all his sounds and getting them, that was magical all on its own. i'm still getting a little thrill just thinking about it.
i thought i was going to be more aggravated than i was, or that i would at least feel a little more rattled, but i think we've found our groove, if i can only learn to keep exploiting it. and my supervisor only stepped in once - briefly - and that was about a behavioural issue, which (hopefully) means that i'm keeping on the right track. and i felt it, too. something clicked today, and if i keep moving in this direction, i might actually help him by the time the quarter is up. holy shit.
there are going to be days i catch myself thinking i'm not the right fit for this job, or that i'm in way over my head, or that i have no idea what i'm doing and i should just pack it up and go home, but then i'll come back to this entry, and remember today, and how it felt, and -- try to recreate it.