mormonism for dummies
colour me AMAZED that there has not been one single comment on the failyness of lj recently. i'm considering moving to a different host so i stop waking up in the middle of the night, panicking over how the records of the last ten years of my life could be wiped out the next time i try checking it.
that said, whoa, i never realized how much my internet life revolves around lj, the past couple of days have been torture.
thankfully, i've spent it with amazing, amazing, amazing people. it's barely mid-week and already i've had two long talks with chengwei about the state of my life and how it's going nowhere and the big fat nothing i plan to do about that (for now) and how i'm coping etc etc, i've had my zombie play torn apart because i make stupid life decisions, i've spent an awesome evening with the lincoln lawyer, courtesy of ben, avril and glen, and i met up with some of my best friends in the world today for rosti, chocolate mousse, starbucks, and an introduction to the basics of mormonism. (ilu abish ♥)
i mean, fundamentally there are too many parallels i could draw re: hitler / qin shi huang / every cruel dictator in the world ever for me to ever think that it's a good idea to take the word of a single person as law, BUT. that doesn't mean it's not some of the most fascinating shit i have ever heard in my life.
let me preface this by saying that i studied in a catholic convent for 10 years of my life, so I NEVER KNEW THIS IS HOW THE MORMON THING WORKED except for what little snippets i saw in abish's life (ilu, bish ♥) and even that was barely skimming the surface, just trivial things like no coffee/tea, bible school at 4, that kind of thing. so tonight, when she explained what their beliefs are, MY MIND WAS BLOWN. no, SERIOUSLY. i don't even mean that in a negative way, i just--if you stick with this post, i promise you'll see what i mean.
basically the premise is that all of us who walk this earth are god's children. like, FOR SERIOUS CHILDREN, he is tangible and has a body AND A WIFE THAT HE FUCKS IN ORDER TO BIRTH US AS HIS CHILDREN (mind-blowing fact #1) and we all existed first in the pre-mortal existence, as body-less spirits who lived with god. but we asked for bodies, because he had one, and so to fulfill that request, he created earth, and sent down adam and eve. BUT, as spirits, we are all innocent - without concept of good and bad, right and wrong, happiness and sadness, that kind of thing. we also have no idea what sex is. WHICH MEANS, had adam and eve never eaten the apple, the rest of mankind would have remained unborn on earth and, therefore, body-less. SO ADAM AND EVE EATING THE APPLE WAS ALL PART OF GOD'S BIGGER PLAN TO LET ALL OF US SPIRITS EXPERIENCE EARTH AND LEARN HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE GOOD FROM BAD, RIGHT FROM WRONG ETC ETC (mind-blowing fact #2).
so we live our lives on earth, yadda yadda yadda, and then we die. now when we die, we leave our bodies on earth, and we move on to the spirit world; the "good" spirits move to paradise, the "bad" to spirit prison. it's kind of the equivalent of purgatory more than heaven and hell, though, BECAUSE! and here's where it got REALLY weird/interesting for me: at some point, though the prophets don't know when, jesus christ is going to come back to earth for 1000 years to make everything right again, and all the spirits in the spirit world will be resurrected, and be rejoined with their bodies, only these bodies will be the "perfect bodies". bish was fuzzy on what the definition of this meant, but let's just assume that it's going to be the optimal condition for each spirit. THEN there's a second judgement, where god basically looks at all the resurrected people and decide if he should send them to heaven or hell.
(side note: AT ANY POINT IN THIS PROCESS, if you repent and live your life according to the commandments god set, you can move to the highest level of heaven, but more on this later.)
outer darkness is the equivalent of hell, in this case. it's where satan will go, and where all the truly evil people will join him. on the other hand, there are three levels of "heaven". level 3, the lowest level, is for people who steal, who lie, who cheat etc. the bad apples. level 2 is for the people who are good... ish, but not quite perfect. (i know, i know, what the fuck is a perfect person? but i don't make the rules, man, i'm just summarizing them.) level 1 is for, essentially, people who've lived like saints. the thing about being in level 2 and 3 is that you're stuck there FOREVER. no idea what living conditions are like, but we'll assume they're not "optimal". level 1, though. if you get to level 1 you can basically travel back and forth between levels 1, 2 and 3 to visit family or travel the heavens or whatever you'd want to travel to the other heavens for. level 2-ians can't come up to meet you; level 3-ians can't even come up to level 2. WHY DOES THAT MATTER, YOU ASK? WELL--BECAUSE LEVEL 1 IS WHERE THE GOOD STUFF HAPPENS.
(seriously, i'm getting excited just thinking about this again.) OKAY. so basically if you're sent to level 1, you live AS EQUALS WITH GOD. whatever is his is yours. and, if your family is with you in level 1, and you've been to the temple to seal yourselves as family forever (e.g. marriage is till death do us part, but temple sealings are more you ain't shaking me in death either, pal), you get to remain as a family unit. in levels 2 and 3, your entire family unit may be there together, but you won't actually be a family unit. or... whatever. idk, the logic of this bit escapes me too. you're stuck in a place you may not really want to be, with people you may not really want to be with. how is that not family, idk, but ANYWAY.
THE REAL UP SIDE TO BEING IN LEVEL 1 -- ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? MIND-BLOWING FACT #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #INFINITY -- IS THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE EQUALS WITH GOD, YOU ARE NOW READY TO BECOME... YOUR OWN GOD. that's right, folks. you too can be a god. you are back at the exact same place you were in the beginning: PRE-MORTAL EXISTENCE. ONLY THIS TIME, YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE BODY-LESS SPIRITS, ASKING TO BE GIVEN BODIES. AND YOU WILL GET TO CREATE YOUR OWN EARTH, AND WATCH THEM FUCK SHIT UP, AND PASS YOUR OWN JUDGEMENTS AT THE END.
IS THAT AMAZING OR WHAT
IT'S THIS CRAZY HUGE CYCLE WHERE GOD ISN'T EVEN REALLY THE GOD, HE IS JUST A GOD, LIKE YOU WILL BE, IF YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH AT IT. PARALLEL UNIVERSES RUN AMOK AS YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS FROM YOUR OWN CYCLE OF EARTH CREATE THEIR OWN UNIVERSES AND UNLEASH THEIR CHILDREN UPON IT TO SUFFER. but don't let the power go to your head, because--AND THIS IS THE REAL KICKER--now that you share god's knowledge, and you've seen his master plan come to fruition, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN POSSIBLY RULE YOUR OWN CHAIN OF POWER EFFECTIVELY. IT'S A NEVER ENDING CYCLE. FUCK MY LIFE. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. HOW AMAZING.
it's like some dude on crack wanted to write a sci-fi/fantasy novel ONLY HE USED REAL PEOPLE. AND GOD'S SUPERPOWER WAS THAT HE CONTROLLED THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE HOAISDJLKNBGUIFSOJKLADEASIUDKFJSAOSIKLFJDSG I AM SO, LIKE, IDEK, IDEK, THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. i have more gushy thoughts on this, and also more thinky ones about how it's the most ridiculous, repressive more-communist-than-communism system i have ever heard, but i have tv to watch and my fingers are tired.
i mean, there are so many things wrong with this structure but it is SO INTERESTING, idek. plus--can you even imagine, THE IDEA OF DAVID ARCHULETA. A GOD. RUNNING HIS OWN UNIVERSE. AOIDJAKLsHIODJFKLSNFSOJG. that is totally not the take away point here, but--FUCKING A. I WOULD READ THE SHIT OUT OF THAT STORY.
that said, whoa, i never realized how much my internet life revolves around lj, the past couple of days have been torture.
thankfully, i've spent it with amazing, amazing, amazing people. it's barely mid-week and already i've had two long talks with chengwei about the state of my life and how it's going nowhere and the big fat nothing i plan to do about that (for now) and how i'm coping etc etc, i've had my zombie play torn apart because i make stupid life decisions, i've spent an awesome evening with the lincoln lawyer, courtesy of ben, avril and glen, and i met up with some of my best friends in the world today for rosti, chocolate mousse, starbucks, and an introduction to the basics of mormonism. (ilu abish ♥)
i mean, fundamentally there are too many parallels i could draw re: hitler / qin shi huang / every cruel dictator in the world ever for me to ever think that it's a good idea to take the word of a single person as law, BUT. that doesn't mean it's not some of the most fascinating shit i have ever heard in my life.
let me preface this by saying that i studied in a catholic convent for 10 years of my life, so I NEVER KNEW THIS IS HOW THE MORMON THING WORKED except for what little snippets i saw in abish's life (ilu, bish ♥) and even that was barely skimming the surface, just trivial things like no coffee/tea, bible school at 4, that kind of thing. so tonight, when she explained what their beliefs are, MY MIND WAS BLOWN. no, SERIOUSLY. i don't even mean that in a negative way, i just--if you stick with this post, i promise you'll see what i mean.
basically the premise is that all of us who walk this earth are god's children. like, FOR SERIOUS CHILDREN, he is tangible and has a body AND A WIFE THAT HE FUCKS IN ORDER TO BIRTH US AS HIS CHILDREN (mind-blowing fact #1) and we all existed first in the pre-mortal existence, as body-less spirits who lived with god. but we asked for bodies, because he had one, and so to fulfill that request, he created earth, and sent down adam and eve. BUT, as spirits, we are all innocent - without concept of good and bad, right and wrong, happiness and sadness, that kind of thing. we also have no idea what sex is. WHICH MEANS, had adam and eve never eaten the apple, the rest of mankind would have remained unborn on earth and, therefore, body-less. SO ADAM AND EVE EATING THE APPLE WAS ALL PART OF GOD'S BIGGER PLAN TO LET ALL OF US SPIRITS EXPERIENCE EARTH AND LEARN HOW TO DIFFERENTIATE GOOD FROM BAD, RIGHT FROM WRONG ETC ETC (mind-blowing fact #2).
so we live our lives on earth, yadda yadda yadda, and then we die. now when we die, we leave our bodies on earth, and we move on to the spirit world; the "good" spirits move to paradise, the "bad" to spirit prison. it's kind of the equivalent of purgatory more than heaven and hell, though, BECAUSE! and here's where it got REALLY weird/interesting for me: at some point, though the prophets don't know when, jesus christ is going to come back to earth for 1000 years to make everything right again, and all the spirits in the spirit world will be resurrected, and be rejoined with their bodies, only these bodies will be the "perfect bodies". bish was fuzzy on what the definition of this meant, but let's just assume that it's going to be the optimal condition for each spirit. THEN there's a second judgement, where god basically looks at all the resurrected people and decide if he should send them to heaven or hell.
(side note: AT ANY POINT IN THIS PROCESS, if you repent and live your life according to the commandments god set, you can move to the highest level of heaven, but more on this later.)
outer darkness is the equivalent of hell, in this case. it's where satan will go, and where all the truly evil people will join him. on the other hand, there are three levels of "heaven". level 3, the lowest level, is for people who steal, who lie, who cheat etc. the bad apples. level 2 is for the people who are good... ish, but not quite perfect. (i know, i know, what the fuck is a perfect person? but i don't make the rules, man, i'm just summarizing them.) level 1 is for, essentially, people who've lived like saints. the thing about being in level 2 and 3 is that you're stuck there FOREVER. no idea what living conditions are like, but we'll assume they're not "optimal". level 1, though. if you get to level 1 you can basically travel back and forth between levels 1, 2 and 3 to visit family or travel the heavens or whatever you'd want to travel to the other heavens for. level 2-ians can't come up to meet you; level 3-ians can't even come up to level 2. WHY DOES THAT MATTER, YOU ASK? WELL--BECAUSE LEVEL 1 IS WHERE THE GOOD STUFF HAPPENS.
(seriously, i'm getting excited just thinking about this again.) OKAY. so basically if you're sent to level 1, you live AS EQUALS WITH GOD. whatever is his is yours. and, if your family is with you in level 1, and you've been to the temple to seal yourselves as family forever (e.g. marriage is till death do us part, but temple sealings are more you ain't shaking me in death either, pal), you get to remain as a family unit. in levels 2 and 3, your entire family unit may be there together, but you won't actually be a family unit. or... whatever. idk, the logic of this bit escapes me too. you're stuck in a place you may not really want to be, with people you may not really want to be with. how is that not family, idk, but ANYWAY.
THE REAL UP SIDE TO BEING IN LEVEL 1 -- ARE YOU READY FOR THIS? MIND-BLOWING FACT #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #INFINITY -- IS THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE EQUALS WITH GOD, YOU ARE NOW READY TO BECOME... YOUR OWN GOD. that's right, folks. you too can be a god. you are back at the exact same place you were in the beginning: PRE-MORTAL EXISTENCE. ONLY THIS TIME, YOUR CHILDREN ARE THE BODY-LESS SPIRITS, ASKING TO BE GIVEN BODIES. AND YOU WILL GET TO CREATE YOUR OWN EARTH, AND WATCH THEM FUCK SHIT UP, AND PASS YOUR OWN JUDGEMENTS AT THE END.
IS THAT AMAZING OR WHAT
IT'S THIS CRAZY HUGE CYCLE WHERE GOD ISN'T EVEN REALLY THE GOD, HE IS JUST A GOD, LIKE YOU WILL BE, IF YOU WORK HARD ENOUGH AT IT. PARALLEL UNIVERSES RUN AMOK AS YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS FROM YOUR OWN CYCLE OF EARTH CREATE THEIR OWN UNIVERSES AND UNLEASH THEIR CHILDREN UPON IT TO SUFFER. but don't let the power go to your head, because--AND THIS IS THE REAL KICKER--now that you share god's knowledge, and you've seen his master plan come to fruition, YOU WILL REALIZE THAT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN POSSIBLY RULE YOUR OWN CHAIN OF POWER EFFECTIVELY. IT'S A NEVER ENDING CYCLE. FUCK MY LIFE. HOW CRAZY IS THAT. HOW AMAZING.
it's like some dude on crack wanted to write a sci-fi/fantasy novel ONLY HE USED REAL PEOPLE. AND GOD'S SUPERPOWER WAS THAT HE CONTROLLED THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE HOAISDJLKNBGUIFSOJKLADEASIUDKFJSAOSIKLFJDSG I AM SO, LIKE, IDEK, IDEK, THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. i have more gushy thoughts on this, and also more thinky ones about how it's the most ridiculous, repressive more-communist-than-communism system i have ever heard, but i have tv to watch and my fingers are tired.
i mean, there are so many things wrong with this structure but it is SO INTERESTING, idek. plus--can you even imagine, THE IDEA OF DAVID ARCHULETA. A GOD. RUNNING HIS OWN UNIVERSE. AOIDJAKLsHIODJFKLSNFSOJG. that is totally not the take away point here, but--FUCKING A. I WOULD READ THE SHIT OUT OF THAT STORY.