shenanigans
it has been THE WEIRDEST MOST AWK DAY EVER, swear to god.
i mean, i like running experiments just fine. it's fun and brainless and kind of a cheap thrill, getting to order participants around like that. today, though, i got yelled at by some brainless chick who STALKED THE FUCKING EXPERIMENT ROOM JUST TO FIND IT. AND THEN YELLED AT ME FOR BEING UNPROFESSIONAL WHEN I REALIZED WE HADN'T SELECTED HER FOR THE STUDY AND HAD TO TELL HER TO LEAVE. I MEAN--COME ON, LADY. who the fuck STALKS AN ENTIRE BUILDING CHECKING ROOM TO ROOM TO SEE WHERE THE EXPERIMENT IS? if you're not contacted in ANY WAY with specifics like a venue, WHY WOULD YOU THINK YOU'D BEEN CHOSEN? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY.
so, w/e, okay, so she just yelled at me in front of an ENTIRE ROOM OF PARTICIPANTS THAT I HAVE TO LATER WALK THROUGH THE STUDY WITH, no big. it's cool. THEN SHE SENDS A FAKE-POLITE EMAIL TELLING ME THE SAME THING, AND THAT I'M ALSO IMPOLITE. YOU YELLED AT ME IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS YOUR OWN FUCKING MISTAKE AND WHICH I, FOR THE RECORD, HAD NO CONTROL OVER. I AM NOT THE EXPERIMENTER. I JUST COME IN TO RUN THE THING. I DON'T GET TO WORD THE EMAILS AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TELL 500 APPLICANTS THAT THEY'RE NOT ONE OF THE LUCKY THIRTY SELECTED. OKAY? FUCK NO I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR DIPSHIT CRAZY. so i wrote back, very calmly, explaining all of this to her and, surprise surprise, haven't heard from her since. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE, SERIOUSLY. which--luckily my professor recognized that.
Professor: How did un-notified subjects find the location of our study?
Me: I asked them how they got the venue, they said they went searching to find out!
Professor: OMG.
Me: /DOUBLES OVER TO GIGGLE UNDER THE COVER OF THE COMPUTER TABLE
SERIOUSLY. but you know, whatever, i am cool, i laughed about it, ranted about it (stephoosaurus is the bestest ♥ ♥ ♥) and then moved on. UNTIL MY PROFESSOR SUDDENLY EMAILS ME AFTER THE LAST ROUND OF EXPERIMENTS ALL, CAN YOU COME TO MY OFFICE. WE NEED TO TALK. so i go in, really not sure what to think at all, and his first words to me are: remember that facebook project you were working on earlier? i need you to take over it.
HOLD UP. WAIT JUST ONE SECOND. WHAT.
so basically--a moment to play catch-up. about a year and a half ago, i was working on this twitter project with professor q. i didn't talk about it a lot at the time, but working with him seriously fucked me up. i downplayed it a lot with entries like this and this (which is something i tend to do when it comes to srs bzn, i'm starting to realize), but it was not fun. there were a couple of days there i honestly thought i did have lupus, and that the stress of working with q had triggered it, and i had no idea what to do except lock down the panic and keep doing what i was doing. THANKFULLY LUPUS WAS A FALSE ALARM, but yeah--it was a bit of a shock, to say the least. the fact that i was breaking out in rashes at all was a sign in itself. that has NEVER happened to me before, and anyone who's seen me at my most hectic knows the kind of shit i've had to pull off on tight, tight deadlines. this was in a league all on its own.
so ANYWAY. /history lesson--basically, after that project i swore i'd never work with q again as an RA, but the pay is pretty awesome, so i started taking ad-hoc jobs for him once i got back from canada. most of it is just physically running the experiments or recruiting participants or doing up the surveys, which i enjoy. early this year i was actually co-working with a classmate, b, on a facebook project. she was in the research program i'd done with q in '09, so it was really his and her project and i was co-pilot. they brought me in late so i didn't really know much about the project except how they were gonna run the experiments and how i would have to code the data. so i built a good-ish r'ship with b, until a couple weeks later when they suddenly stopped contacting me about the project. i was fine with that because it was way more work than i'd expected to be doing anyway! so i basically heard nothing more about the project for over a month, and the professor starts contacting me to help run experiments for other research projects instead. which is fine.
AND THEN TODAY HAPPENED. so when q said I WANT YOU TO TAKE OVER i was all omg WTF?!?!?$?! why?!?! is b not doing it anymore!!?!? which makes ZERO SENSE since they're like 70% done with the project and of that 70%, with q's working style, B HAS DONE 95% OF THAT 70% and quitting now would mean she gets NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. so q was all i don't know i don't think she's on this anymore.
i was all ......okay i guess? but are you SURE b's not doing this anymore? and he was like yeah i think so. plus i need someone who can be committed to the project and give me updates more frequently than every fortnight. SO THIS IS WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO. i'm still kind of shell-shocked, so i sort of say okay, yeah, i can do it, but of course the second i leave q's office i text b to ask her WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IS EVERYTHING OKAY? WHY AM I TAKING OVER THE FACEBOOK PROJECT? and her reply is all WHAT I'M STILL WORKING ON IT WHAT'S GOING ON!!!!!!!! and i was like OMG WHAT IDK HE SAID YOU WEREN'T IDK IDK and then she called me and basically told me how much of a nightmare he's being and that the work he was asking me to do SHE HAD ALREADY DONE (under protest, because it's kind of unethical; nothing major, but--yeah).
SO NOW IT'S DOUBLY MESSY BECAUSE SHE'S DRAGGING ME INTO THE WHOLE THING ASKING ME TO SET UP A MEETING WITH Q BUT NOT TELL HIM SHE'S GOING TO BE THERE, and i'm like, that feels kind of dishonest, which is how this whole thing started, so idk, i don't really want to be in on this, and--yeah. IT'S MESSY. i mean, i just feel so bad for her, because i know how hard it's been, but at the same time, it's NOT MY FAULT I SET THE STANDARD SO HIGH WHEN I WAS PART OF THE RESEARCH PROGRAM WITH HIM. just, idk, i'm going to tell her i have to tell him, and tell him i've told her, and let them have it out, but i REALLY hope she doesn't JEOPARDIZE MY RECOMMENDATION LETTER FROM HIM BY TELLING HIM I WAS A TATTLETALE.
gah. dilemmas. so much more fun in the movies than they are irl.
i mean, i like running experiments just fine. it's fun and brainless and kind of a cheap thrill, getting to order participants around like that. today, though, i got yelled at by some brainless chick who STALKED THE FUCKING EXPERIMENT ROOM JUST TO FIND IT. AND THEN YELLED AT ME FOR BEING UNPROFESSIONAL WHEN I REALIZED WE HADN'T SELECTED HER FOR THE STUDY AND HAD TO TELL HER TO LEAVE. I MEAN--COME ON, LADY. who the fuck STALKS AN ENTIRE BUILDING CHECKING ROOM TO ROOM TO SEE WHERE THE EXPERIMENT IS? if you're not contacted in ANY WAY with specifics like a venue, WHY WOULD YOU THINK YOU'D BEEN CHOSEN? SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY.
so, w/e, okay, so she just yelled at me in front of an ENTIRE ROOM OF PARTICIPANTS THAT I HAVE TO LATER WALK THROUGH THE STUDY WITH, no big. it's cool. THEN SHE SENDS A FAKE-POLITE EMAIL TELLING ME THE SAME THING, AND THAT I'M ALSO IMPOLITE. YOU YELLED AT ME IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE FOR SOMETHING THAT WAS YOUR OWN FUCKING MISTAKE AND WHICH I, FOR THE RECORD, HAD NO CONTROL OVER. I AM NOT THE EXPERIMENTER. I JUST COME IN TO RUN THE THING. I DON'T GET TO WORD THE EMAILS AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO TELL 500 APPLICANTS THAT THEY'RE NOT ONE OF THE LUCKY THIRTY SELECTED. OKAY? FUCK NO I AM NOT APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR DIPSHIT CRAZY. so i wrote back, very calmly, explaining all of this to her and, surprise surprise, haven't heard from her since. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE, SERIOUSLY. which--luckily my professor recognized that.
Professor: How did un-notified subjects find the location of our study?
Me: I asked them how they got the venue, they said they went searching to find out!
Professor: OMG.
Me: /DOUBLES OVER TO GIGGLE UNDER THE COVER OF THE COMPUTER TABLE
SERIOUSLY. but you know, whatever, i am cool, i laughed about it, ranted about it (stephoosaurus is the bestest ♥ ♥ ♥) and then moved on. UNTIL MY PROFESSOR SUDDENLY EMAILS ME AFTER THE LAST ROUND OF EXPERIMENTS ALL, CAN YOU COME TO MY OFFICE. WE NEED TO TALK. so i go in, really not sure what to think at all, and his first words to me are: remember that facebook project you were working on earlier? i need you to take over it.
HOLD UP. WAIT JUST ONE SECOND. WHAT.
so basically--a moment to play catch-up. about a year and a half ago, i was working on this twitter project with professor q. i didn't talk about it a lot at the time, but working with him seriously fucked me up. i downplayed it a lot with entries like this and this (which is something i tend to do when it comes to srs bzn, i'm starting to realize), but it was not fun. there were a couple of days there i honestly thought i did have lupus, and that the stress of working with q had triggered it, and i had no idea what to do except lock down the panic and keep doing what i was doing. THANKFULLY LUPUS WAS A FALSE ALARM, but yeah--it was a bit of a shock, to say the least. the fact that i was breaking out in rashes at all was a sign in itself. that has NEVER happened to me before, and anyone who's seen me at my most hectic knows the kind of shit i've had to pull off on tight, tight deadlines. this was in a league all on its own.
so ANYWAY. /history lesson--basically, after that project i swore i'd never work with q again as an RA, but the pay is pretty awesome, so i started taking ad-hoc jobs for him once i got back from canada. most of it is just physically running the experiments or recruiting participants or doing up the surveys, which i enjoy. early this year i was actually co-working with a classmate, b, on a facebook project. she was in the research program i'd done with q in '09, so it was really his and her project and i was co-pilot. they brought me in late so i didn't really know much about the project except how they were gonna run the experiments and how i would have to code the data. so i built a good-ish r'ship with b, until a couple weeks later when they suddenly stopped contacting me about the project. i was fine with that because it was way more work than i'd expected to be doing anyway! so i basically heard nothing more about the project for over a month, and the professor starts contacting me to help run experiments for other research projects instead. which is fine.
AND THEN TODAY HAPPENED. so when q said I WANT YOU TO TAKE OVER i was all omg WTF?!?!?$?! why?!?! is b not doing it anymore!!?!? which makes ZERO SENSE since they're like 70% done with the project and of that 70%, with q's working style, B HAS DONE 95% OF THAT 70% and quitting now would mean she gets NO ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. so q was all i don't know i don't think she's on this anymore.
i was all ......okay i guess? but are you SURE b's not doing this anymore? and he was like yeah i think so. plus i need someone who can be committed to the project and give me updates more frequently than every fortnight. SO THIS IS WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO. i'm still kind of shell-shocked, so i sort of say okay, yeah, i can do it, but of course the second i leave q's office i text b to ask her WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IS EVERYTHING OKAY? WHY AM I TAKING OVER THE FACEBOOK PROJECT? and her reply is all WHAT I'M STILL WORKING ON IT WHAT'S GOING ON!!!!!!!! and i was like OMG WHAT IDK HE SAID YOU WEREN'T IDK IDK and then she called me and basically told me how much of a nightmare he's being and that the work he was asking me to do SHE HAD ALREADY DONE (under protest, because it's kind of unethical; nothing major, but--yeah).
SO NOW IT'S DOUBLY MESSY BECAUSE SHE'S DRAGGING ME INTO THE WHOLE THING ASKING ME TO SET UP A MEETING WITH Q BUT NOT TELL HIM SHE'S GOING TO BE THERE, and i'm like, that feels kind of dishonest, which is how this whole thing started, so idk, i don't really want to be in on this, and--yeah. IT'S MESSY. i mean, i just feel so bad for her, because i know how hard it's been, but at the same time, it's NOT MY FAULT I SET THE STANDARD SO HIGH WHEN I WAS PART OF THE RESEARCH PROGRAM WITH HIM. just, idk, i'm going to tell her i have to tell him, and tell him i've told her, and let them have it out, but i REALLY hope she doesn't JEOPARDIZE MY RECOMMENDATION LETTER FROM HIM BY TELLING HIM I WAS A TATTLETALE.
gah. dilemmas. so much more fun in the movies than they are irl.