His Profile Headline Should Be : I'm Stuck Up And In The Closet
I am not kidding that I just got this profile. Word for word, here it is:
Everything or Nothing
I'm a good date. I like to talk and I'm a good listener. I enjoy meeting new people and I can have discourse on any subject, haute culture or pop culture. I detest the idea of having to market myself on match.com, but dating is the most competitive contact sport. So, a few things about me: My favorite magazine is Vanity Fair. I can outlast you at Barney's or Bergdorf. Instead of going to the gym I like to walk from 5th ave/50th (Saks) to Madison/72nd (Ralph Lauren) and window shop. I love the water, boats, scuba diving, rock climbing, driving, golf, polo, and water polo. I like to play with trains, ride bikes, and swim. I want to be a pirate and lie on a beach all day and sip pink fruity drinks with little paper umbrellas in the glass. If I meet the right woman I'm willing to put a lot of time and energy into a relationship. I'm especially attracted to high maintenance, sophisticated women who appreciate life's finer pleasures. I love opera so you'll have to pretend that you enjoy it. Good table manners and hygiene are pluses. You are: good with kids, have lots of energy, sexy and adventurous, a cook/massuese/therapist, patient, indulgent, whimsical, feminine yet strong, a 50/50 partner, age gracefully, loyal, sophisticated, willing to coordinate your jewelry with my necktie, and you want to spend Sunday afternoons on the patio in our bathrobes sipping mimosas and reading the paper.
Someone kill me, please. Please. I swear to God that someone makes these up and sends them to me just to see how long it takes for my head to explode.
PS - this profile wasn't from Match.com. *Nelson laugh*
Everything or Nothing
I'm a good date. I like to talk and I'm a good listener. I enjoy meeting new people and I can have discourse on any subject, haute culture or pop culture. I detest the idea of having to market myself on match.com, but dating is the most competitive contact sport. So, a few things about me: My favorite magazine is Vanity Fair. I can outlast you at Barney's or Bergdorf. Instead of going to the gym I like to walk from 5th ave/50th (Saks) to Madison/72nd (Ralph Lauren) and window shop. I love the water, boats, scuba diving, rock climbing, driving, golf, polo, and water polo. I like to play with trains, ride bikes, and swim. I want to be a pirate and lie on a beach all day and sip pink fruity drinks with little paper umbrellas in the glass. If I meet the right woman I'm willing to put a lot of time and energy into a relationship. I'm especially attracted to high maintenance, sophisticated women who appreciate life's finer pleasures. I love opera so you'll have to pretend that you enjoy it. Good table manners and hygiene are pluses. You are: good with kids, have lots of energy, sexy and adventurous, a cook/massuese/therapist, patient, indulgent, whimsical, feminine yet strong, a 50/50 partner, age gracefully, loyal, sophisticated, willing to coordinate your jewelry with my necktie, and you want to spend Sunday afternoons on the patio in our bathrobes sipping mimosas and reading the paper.
Someone kill me, please. Please. I swear to God that someone makes these up and sends them to me just to see how long it takes for my head to explode.
PS - this profile wasn't from Match.com. *Nelson laugh*