Kickin it with friends
Or kicking them out. I guess that last post didn't work for me because I am still upset to the point that I kick out my friends because I am so tired of feeling like shit that I am not going to sit there while they make me feel like a bigger pile of shit.
I dont understand that. I hate to generalize and I hate to talk shit behind peoples back but it feels like Miami people just like talking shit. I once considered following Ba'hia faith because one of their pillars is not to gossip. What a novel fucking idea. How about not to talk shit about someone while they are in front of you. Shouldn't the fact that someone is not laughing or responding to your bantering mean something. Its not that I am a pussy or a wimp I just rather be silent than mean but when someone is running their house at my house around my bottle of wine they got to go.
Isn't that what friends are for, isn't that what a relationship is for? To have someone around that you feel comfortable with. Someone who you spend time with and say ah, now I can be me. No matter how mad I am let's just sit here and talk about the weather and life because anything else would just be a waste of breathe on a beautiful night. Isn't there enough fucked up shit going on that at least with ONE person at ONE point during the day you can at least pretend that your not to optimistic about the future. Keep that shit for the local news and the reality T.V. I want my house and my friends to be a sign of tranquility. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good discussion but a discussion involves two people. If your going to leach onto your ideas and try to make me submit to your idea in my back yard you are dead fucking wrong. I have enough shit oppressing me. What makes me even more pissed is that they walk around shouting that they are different when they are just two closed minded fucks dressed up as gays and punks. Maybe I am being dramatic but if I have to feel guilty for who I am and what I do around my friend then somethings wrong and someone has to go and since its my house its time to leave.
And this is my livejournal and I really don't know how to make my feeling a link so I can save you the hassle of reading this whole thing and figure out it is just me ranting so if your already lost and bored please leave now because I want to let loose and this is my only escape at the moment.
I have been in college since the summer of 04. I don't know what I feel about society, work, marriage, sexuality, politics, life after death, people, corruption, family, cheating, commitment, and I still don't feel the need to. I feel like whenever I feel some way about something I will react to it how I please. I don't need some sort of foundation to be a part of society. I don't need a favorite color or a religion or a race. I don't need to explain why I don't eat meat. I don't need to submit myself to any institution, theory, law, way of thought, religion, dogma, superstition. Time and time again I have to write essays and fill out surveys that try to stick my personality and experience to ONE thing. My life is very dynamic I am influenced, confused, skeptic, and gullible to just about anything and anyone. Why is it that people are so obsessed with judging and classifying everything people do, say, think, feel, smell, buy, don't buy, touch, taste, believe and fuck. I wish for one hour that people would just say you know what I don't know you and I am not going to try and pretend that I know you because you don't know me and the only way you will know me is to be me. I appreciate other peoples thoughts and I sometime scratch them to memory or repeat them when needed but just because you say something doesn't mean I am it or have to be a part of it. SOME people are so rigid and objective that it makes me want to LA LA. No it makes me want to walk away or kick them out. Usually I will sit there and humor them but I guess today is not my day so I guess today is not yours either. sorry.
I want to go to India but can't sweat and the doctors are fucking ten times worste the the normal hyper-objective robot I run into on a daily basis. Anything I say they have to find something that matches something else or else they don't know what to do. Try to think outside the orange/brown translucent perscription bottles once in a while. I am a broke skinny college kid who can use 25 bucks for 25 things at taco bell or a shit load of beer. If you can't help me don't give me the run around I don't have the time money or patience. If I won't sweat for the rest of my life great. Ill just visit alaska more often.
Lets see what to do after I graduate. Apparently a Liberal Studies degree won't get me anywhere. So I go to college for another year and get a real batchelors just to find out that its all the same shit different vocab. I stay in school I will get myself in more debt. I start working on my debt and I loose my fire. I express the fire and I loose everything. I reduce myself to saying that I am damned if I do and don't and I go nowhere and am forced to follow the direction of someone elses dream or nightmare. I'd travel but I am too attached to being in school and having a girlfriend and being close to FRIENDS (hahaha). I stay home and I bury myself a bigger hole in my soul. Yet my fire still tells me to do something with my life. For some reason I want to stay back and please the people who don't like me or don't care about me because I am afraid to not have them. What the fuck is wrong with me.
So I wake up tommorow. Forget that I write this. rinse and repeat. Well at least I got to express what I feel and what I am about AT THE MOMENT for one brief moment. I hope I never have to read this again or have someone read this in the first place. but then again who would write all this shit if they didn't want some sort of attention. I just want the sort of attention that involves you saying you just need some space and a place to explode on and we all live a life of choas and confusion with a cherry on top.
I dont understand that. I hate to generalize and I hate to talk shit behind peoples back but it feels like Miami people just like talking shit. I once considered following Ba'hia faith because one of their pillars is not to gossip. What a novel fucking idea. How about not to talk shit about someone while they are in front of you. Shouldn't the fact that someone is not laughing or responding to your bantering mean something. Its not that I am a pussy or a wimp I just rather be silent than mean but when someone is running their house at my house around my bottle of wine they got to go.
Isn't that what friends are for, isn't that what a relationship is for? To have someone around that you feel comfortable with. Someone who you spend time with and say ah, now I can be me. No matter how mad I am let's just sit here and talk about the weather and life because anything else would just be a waste of breathe on a beautiful night. Isn't there enough fucked up shit going on that at least with ONE person at ONE point during the day you can at least pretend that your not to optimistic about the future. Keep that shit for the local news and the reality T.V. I want my house and my friends to be a sign of tranquility. Don't get me wrong I enjoy a good discussion but a discussion involves two people. If your going to leach onto your ideas and try to make me submit to your idea in my back yard you are dead fucking wrong. I have enough shit oppressing me. What makes me even more pissed is that they walk around shouting that they are different when they are just two closed minded fucks dressed up as gays and punks. Maybe I am being dramatic but if I have to feel guilty for who I am and what I do around my friend then somethings wrong and someone has to go and since its my house its time to leave.
And this is my livejournal and I really don't know how to make my feeling a link so I can save you the hassle of reading this whole thing and figure out it is just me ranting so if your already lost and bored please leave now because I want to let loose and this is my only escape at the moment.
I have been in college since the summer of 04. I don't know what I feel about society, work, marriage, sexuality, politics, life after death, people, corruption, family, cheating, commitment, and I still don't feel the need to. I feel like whenever I feel some way about something I will react to it how I please. I don't need some sort of foundation to be a part of society. I don't need a favorite color or a religion or a race. I don't need to explain why I don't eat meat. I don't need to submit myself to any institution, theory, law, way of thought, religion, dogma, superstition. Time and time again I have to write essays and fill out surveys that try to stick my personality and experience to ONE thing. My life is very dynamic I am influenced, confused, skeptic, and gullible to just about anything and anyone. Why is it that people are so obsessed with judging and classifying everything people do, say, think, feel, smell, buy, don't buy, touch, taste, believe and fuck. I wish for one hour that people would just say you know what I don't know you and I am not going to try and pretend that I know you because you don't know me and the only way you will know me is to be me. I appreciate other peoples thoughts and I sometime scratch them to memory or repeat them when needed but just because you say something doesn't mean I am it or have to be a part of it. SOME people are so rigid and objective that it makes me want to LA LA. No it makes me want to walk away or kick them out. Usually I will sit there and humor them but I guess today is not my day so I guess today is not yours either. sorry.
I want to go to India but can't sweat and the doctors are fucking ten times worste the the normal hyper-objective robot I run into on a daily basis. Anything I say they have to find something that matches something else or else they don't know what to do. Try to think outside the orange/brown translucent perscription bottles once in a while. I am a broke skinny college kid who can use 25 bucks for 25 things at taco bell or a shit load of beer. If you can't help me don't give me the run around I don't have the time money or patience. If I won't sweat for the rest of my life great. Ill just visit alaska more often.
Lets see what to do after I graduate. Apparently a Liberal Studies degree won't get me anywhere. So I go to college for another year and get a real batchelors just to find out that its all the same shit different vocab. I stay in school I will get myself in more debt. I start working on my debt and I loose my fire. I express the fire and I loose everything. I reduce myself to saying that I am damned if I do and don't and I go nowhere and am forced to follow the direction of someone elses dream or nightmare. I'd travel but I am too attached to being in school and having a girlfriend and being close to FRIENDS (hahaha). I stay home and I bury myself a bigger hole in my soul. Yet my fire still tells me to do something with my life. For some reason I want to stay back and please the people who don't like me or don't care about me because I am afraid to not have them. What the fuck is wrong with me.
So I wake up tommorow. Forget that I write this. rinse and repeat. Well at least I got to express what I feel and what I am about AT THE MOMENT for one brief moment. I hope I never have to read this again or have someone read this in the first place. but then again who would write all this shit if they didn't want some sort of attention. I just want the sort of attention that involves you saying you just need some space and a place to explode on and we all live a life of choas and confusion with a cherry on top.