UGA visit
So right now I'm typing this from Athens, Georgia. I'm visiting the University of Georgia because they have a NCAA Equestrian team and it's important for me to ride in college. I just feel like my life wouldn't be the same without riding.
Apparently i'm a little bit late though. I was supposed to have been done recruiting by this past summer but I'm just starting my tours and talking to the coaches. USC and TAM both told me that they couldn't put me on their teams. I thought I wouldn't have a chance at UGA because their team has been #1 for a while and they won SEC Championships last year, but the coach is very interested in me. The only problem is that she has already given out all the spots on the team so I am basically in recruitment limbo right now.
My mood has been better? I think? I don't really know how to explain it. Sometimes I think I have my depression under control but then something happens, or nothing even happens, and I freak out again in a full fledge panic attack. Things have been okay with my boyfriend. Sometimes I get worried. Honestly I don't feel good because I wanted him to stop smoking but he keeps going. He said he would stop once school started but he hasn't. He gets really touchy about it if I call him out. I don't know what to do. He hasn't done anything wrong except for that, though. I don't know how things will play out with college. I'm afraid because I know in my heart that I don't have his full heart anymore. I know that he will be out partying and forgetting about me and probably doing stuff that he won't be telling me and it makes me sad because I love him and I have this fantasy in my mind where we get married and live happily ever after but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. I can't break things off though. I will hold onto him for as long as I can. I will keep pretending and lying to myself saying that he is all mine when I know deep inside that he is not.
Apparently i'm a little bit late though. I was supposed to have been done recruiting by this past summer but I'm just starting my tours and talking to the coaches. USC and TAM both told me that they couldn't put me on their teams. I thought I wouldn't have a chance at UGA because their team has been #1 for a while and they won SEC Championships last year, but the coach is very interested in me. The only problem is that she has already given out all the spots on the team so I am basically in recruitment limbo right now.
My mood has been better? I think? I don't really know how to explain it. Sometimes I think I have my depression under control but then something happens, or nothing even happens, and I freak out again in a full fledge panic attack. Things have been okay with my boyfriend. Sometimes I get worried. Honestly I don't feel good because I wanted him to stop smoking but he keeps going. He said he would stop once school started but he hasn't. He gets really touchy about it if I call him out. I don't know what to do. He hasn't done anything wrong except for that, though. I don't know how things will play out with college. I'm afraid because I know in my heart that I don't have his full heart anymore. I know that he will be out partying and forgetting about me and probably doing stuff that he won't be telling me and it makes me sad because I love him and I have this fantasy in my mind where we get married and live happily ever after but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. I can't break things off though. I will hold onto him for as long as I can. I will keep pretending and lying to myself saying that he is all mine when I know deep inside that he is not.