End of the Year
Well, I made it through high school... or did I? I didn't really make any friends or get involved in anything, but I guess I did pass and now its onto college, the ultimate goal right?
But not really.
I find myself craving so much more for myself. I wish I could spend like two months in the woods just finding myself and being one with the world. I always feel so out of place and it would be so wonderful just to figure out where I stand, and to maybe feel like I'm meant to be here. I think about starting yoga or meditation all the time, but theres just not enough hours in the day. Often I get the feeling that I have no idea who I am and that I was never even supposed to be here in the first place.
College kind of seems like just another place to be disappointed to me. I'm bad at making friends, I always get lost. I never amount to anything worth while because nobody cares about me. I'm probably going to lose my boyfriend because of the typical college struggles, maybe even just because of the distance and the fact that I will be so busy. Jeez, I hope I am busy. Otherwise I might go crazy. I am dreading leaving my horse, Sammy, so badly. What am I going to do with no horse and no C? I'm going to have nothing. I can only imagine how my depression and anxiety will get.
You might be thinking "wow. this post is very dark and depressing", and you're right. I feel like a giant cloud of darkness and negative energy. God, I hope this goes away one day. I am tired of feeling like a waste of space, like the world would be better off without me.
But not really.
I find myself craving so much more for myself. I wish I could spend like two months in the woods just finding myself and being one with the world. I always feel so out of place and it would be so wonderful just to figure out where I stand, and to maybe feel like I'm meant to be here. I think about starting yoga or meditation all the time, but theres just not enough hours in the day. Often I get the feeling that I have no idea who I am and that I was never even supposed to be here in the first place.
College kind of seems like just another place to be disappointed to me. I'm bad at making friends, I always get lost. I never amount to anything worth while because nobody cares about me. I'm probably going to lose my boyfriend because of the typical college struggles, maybe even just because of the distance and the fact that I will be so busy. Jeez, I hope I am busy. Otherwise I might go crazy. I am dreading leaving my horse, Sammy, so badly. What am I going to do with no horse and no C? I'm going to have nothing. I can only imagine how my depression and anxiety will get.
You might be thinking "wow. this post is very dark and depressing", and you're right. I feel like a giant cloud of darkness and negative energy. God, I hope this goes away one day. I am tired of feeling like a waste of space, like the world would be better off without me.