another random update...
well...things have been going....i dont know where since the last time I wrote one this thing. I don't know what I'm doing when it come to the love life at teh moment. I mean, I still think I have feelings for someone, and than I think I like someone else. Seeing as how hes more open with it now, I feel I can say names now. I tried really hard, but I think I'm still in love with Gerald, and sometimes I think maybe the only way I'll get over it is if I stop talking to him, but no matter how hard I try, I always find myself thinking about him during the day. I feel just awful thinking about the sad night when I actually realized that once again, I'm in love with someone who's never gonna feel the same way. I'm not even gonna bother mentioning that other guy, lets just leave his ass in the past where he belongs, Gerald is the here and now, and I'm more concerened about how I'm going to either accept the fact, or go back to tryng to pursue something I'm never gonna get. At least than I'm left to the dillusions that maybe someday, he'll see that, rather than clinging to the idea that there's something wrong with him only a girlfriend can fix, there's me, who loves him just the way he is.
Than there's male number 2. The "straight" one. One of my friends. This one is another doozy. Less of one because I dont love him at all, no where near as intensely as Gerald but still, infatuation. Well, I jsut feel like I'm a deaf mute when it comes to him, cuz I can't tell him about me liking him. He didnt even know I was gay (retarded I know),he said he always thought I was kidding, so how would he be able to handle the idea of me liking him? It's sad that I feel a contentment just from the play-flirting that we tend to do. Am I really that starved for affection when the joking of a cute straight guy makes me feel like that?
In un-guy-related news, I finally got a job. Redlands Wal-Mart, Connections Center baby! selling cell phones, just kicking back and listening to music on satelleite radio all day, w a big ass fan in front of me. yet i still make more than some ppl who've been working at Kmart for a year, oh happy day. Someone come visit me...please?
Every word you've ever spoken was a fucking lie
Every promise, ever made, you've broken
Tried to kill you, but that part of me can never die
Pull the trigger, I surrender all control
I need you in my life again like a needle in my vein
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
A bullet in my brain
I swear it's over and I finally left it all behind
See your picture and the sky starts bleeding
Suffocating, God I swear I'm gonna loose my mind
Pull the trigger, I surrender all control
I need you in my life again like a needle in my vein
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
A bullet in my brain
I don't need your forgiveness
I don't need you to change
I dont need you to save me
I just need you to go away
Every word you've ever spoken was a fucking lie
Every promise, ever made, you've broken
Tried to kill you, but that part of me can never die
Pull the trigger, I surrender all control
I need you in my life again like a needle in my vein
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
I need you in my life again and its driving me insane
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
A bullet in my brain
Every word you've ever spoken was a fucking lie
Than there's male number 2. The "straight" one. One of my friends. This one is another doozy. Less of one because I dont love him at all, no where near as intensely as Gerald but still, infatuation. Well, I jsut feel like I'm a deaf mute when it comes to him, cuz I can't tell him about me liking him. He didnt even know I was gay (retarded I know),he said he always thought I was kidding, so how would he be able to handle the idea of me liking him? It's sad that I feel a contentment just from the play-flirting that we tend to do. Am I really that starved for affection when the joking of a cute straight guy makes me feel like that?
In un-guy-related news, I finally got a job. Redlands Wal-Mart, Connections Center baby! selling cell phones, just kicking back and listening to music on satelleite radio all day, w a big ass fan in front of me. yet i still make more than some ppl who've been working at Kmart for a year, oh happy day. Someone come visit me...please?
Every word you've ever spoken was a fucking lie
Every promise, ever made, you've broken
Tried to kill you, but that part of me can never die
Pull the trigger, I surrender all control
I need you in my life again like a needle in my vein
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
A bullet in my brain
I swear it's over and I finally left it all behind
See your picture and the sky starts bleeding
Suffocating, God I swear I'm gonna loose my mind
Pull the trigger, I surrender all control
I need you in my life again like a needle in my vein
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
A bullet in my brain
I don't need your forgiveness
I don't need you to change
I dont need you to save me
I just need you to go away
Every word you've ever spoken was a fucking lie
Every promise, ever made, you've broken
Tried to kill you, but that part of me can never die
Pull the trigger, I surrender all control
I need you in my life again like a needle in my vein
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
I need you in my life again and its driving me insane
I need you in my life again like a bullet in my brain
A bullet in my brain
Every word you've ever spoken was a fucking lie