why are boys such jerks???
god the lil rascals had it down pat...I never realized how much there is to this world until recently. I think that this weekend has changed me. My first as an adult. I've been set with trials, happiness, and the utter force of reality, and mortality. Emotions run high in the world of today. Pain, joy, ecstacy, contentment, and disbelief are all part of a cycle that no person on earth can ever escape from. My weekend started offically on friday, when I met someone, that I'm starting to realize that I've loved. We talked about the possibilty of a future between us, and the total spectrum of my emotions for this person. As is the way of thinking for a person, this person, felt guilt, and the need to protect me. As admirable as that is, I have no need for shelter from the truth. All people in this world will eventuallly feel pain in their lives. It's only a matter of time, it one person doesnt hurt me, someone else will.
On Saturday, I went with my cousin to help out at a carwash to assist in the payments of the funeral of 11 yr old Anthony Michael Ramirez. This was a child who was shot last week, and sadly never reached his graduation from elementary school, which would have been today. There's so much emotion running through me at the thought of this child's death. The 15 yr old who took the life of this boy was only a child himself. How can a person take the life of another? It's said that he thought that Anthony was a gang member. What 11 year old looks like a gang member? This was a child, a person that never even got close to tasting everything that life has to offer. What person in their right mind can look at an 11 year old and see something that could harm another? I didn't know this child very well, but I can honestly say that I'm hurt, and angered by his death.
Sunday saw me with the person of Friday. We talked, we kissed. Never before have I been happier. The sheer ecstacy of knowing that this person was seated next to me was enough to fill my life with unsurpassed bliss for that short time. Never before have I actually sat and listened to the heartbeat of another human being before, and that in itself is beautiful. I can only wish that that night could have lasted forever...however, fate would not allow that, nor would I expect it to, no matter how much it pains me.
Yesterday, I stayed over with one of my best friends in the world, and once again, my eyes are opened to something that I never saw before. How much I love, value and cherish those who I call my friends. I'm thankful for every single moment that I've spent with the people that I love, be it my family or my friends.
Today was the crash and burn of it all. My hopes, and dreams of being with a person who I care for more than others have been shattered like a mirror. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't meant to be, or maybe it wasnt the work of some divine plan and the person that I saw myself with just didn't have the same feelings that I had for them. I'll never know. But I can honestly say, that I felt more for this one person, than I've ever felt for any other human being in my life. The pain is unbearable, but I know that it will subside. And when that happens I'll rise out of the ashes like the phoenix that I know rests within us all.