Fic: Fall to Pieces (4/?)
Title: Fall to Pieces
Author: emo_bangs
Rating: R, for swearing, mature themes and sexual situations
Pairing: Kendall/James, with a side of Logan/Carlos
Summary: When the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all.
Notes: So here this is, two months late. It’s not too long but I like to think its got a lot of substance. More on the Kames relationship and more on the Kendall/Logan dynamic and the feud between them. Enjoy.
Warnings: Molestation/Rape and Self-harm
James thought, for sure, that it was going to be the best night of his life. Him and Kendall had spent the whole night together, an unofficial date, of sorts. Neither boy had vocally expressed feelings yet but both were somehow aware of these feelings that existed between them. They were there with every glance, touch, every word spoken.
Carlos and Logan were out on a date themselves, which left him and Kendall. The blond suggested they go grab dinner then see a movie; James had to bite his tongue to keep from declaring it a date. It had gone better than any first date he’d been on, no awkward small talk, no uncertainty. Just two best friends having a good time together.
They were heading back now from the movie, towards James’ house. Kendall had shut off his car and ran around the back to open his door. Demurely, he thanked the other boy and walked alongside him up to his porch. The butterflies in his stomach were telling him that Kendall was going to kiss him and he couldn’t have been more excited about it.
Slowly, they made their way to his porch, both stopping and stalling as they stood before his door.
“I had fun Kendy,” he said, glancing up at Kendall with sincere hazel eyes.
The blond boy chuckled lightly, meeting James’ eyes with his own. “We always have fun Jamsey.”
James smiled sweetly, “I know, we do,” he agreed. “We should do this again.”
And the smile Kendall gave him made his heart skip a beat, or two. “Definitely.”
Waking up that next morning, James felt extremely conflicted. Part of him wished it had all been a dream, that he had just dreamt that he had cut too deep and ended up in the hospital. The remaining part of him was grateful when he woke up in the hospital room that morning.
If it had been a dream, he would’ve woken up alone. He glanced over at the blond sleeping beside him and every bad thing seemed to just fade away. He forgot everything that wasn’t Kendall, seeing only him. James couldn’t be more appreciative of this calm Kendall somehow, effortlessly provided. It put his typically racing mind at ease. These days, with him gone, he was willing to take whatever relief he could get, however brief it was. Every bad thought that entered his mind was instantly negated merely by the blonde’s presence.
Said blond was just stirring him sleep when the door to his room opened, his dad peeking in. His dad had always known about his feelings for Kendall and had never once expressed any discontent towards it. So it didn’t particularly faze him when he discovered them sleeping in the same bed. After seeing how great Kendall had been with James after his mom died, Mr. Diamond was more than grateful towards the other boy,
“James?” the older man called softly, “A nurse is going to stop by soon and take you to see the hospital’s therapist. I’m going to stop by the house real quick and I’ll be back in a bit.
After nodding in understanding and watching his dad shut the door once again, he slipped back down beside the other boy, body facing towards him. With a shaking hand, he reached up to caress Kendall’s cheek, breath hitching slightly at the warmth of Kendall’s skin connecting with his fingers. “Thank god,” he muttered, “I thought you were just a dream.”
Kendall shook his head, reaching out and resting his hand on James’ waist. He ignored the way James’ body jolted slightly against his touch, brushing it off as early morning jitters. “No, I’m here.”
Before any more words or touches could be exchanged, a nurse was popping her head in, announcing that it was time for James’ appointed therapy session. At this declaration, James’ stomach turned uneasily. Just the thought of talking about his problems made him absolutely sick. He nodded numbly at the nurse, not trusting his voice to carry his agreement. He turned back towards Kendall, meeting his green eyes with vulnerable hazel ones.
“Will you walk me down there Kendy?”
And the way James laced their fingers together and held on tightly the entire way made Kendall’s heart crack. The tears in James’ eyes when they departed absolutely shattered it.
Since he wasn’t allowed in there with James, despite how his protective side insisted he should be in there, he sat outside, waiting in the hallway the entire hour. Each minute that passed felt like an hour in itself. It was the single most torturous wait he’d ever endured in his life. His curiosity was practically killing him at the moment, dying to know what James was discussing with the therapist.
He didn’t question it too long; he knew what they were talking about and it tore him apart, little by little. He knew why James slit his wrists; it was right in front of him the whole time. This particular time, it was like clockwork. It had been exactly a year since his mom’s suicide. He knew how close James and his mom were and he knew losing her killed him inside.
This is why he didn’t press the other boy for answers when he emerged an hour later, looking even worse than when he initially went in. Without having to be asked, he held his hand out to the other boy, who took it without a second’s hesitation. No words were spoken as they headed back to James’ room, the brunette would squeeze his hand a little tighter occasionally and he would squeeze right back, letting James know that he was there for him, always.
Everyone was there waiting when they returned, all silently asking questions that James didn’t want to answer.
“So how’d it go?” Logan asked as James crawled back into bed.
“Fine,” the brunette mumbled, his meek voice barely audible.
Logan was the smart one of the group; there was no doubt about it. But sometimes, where he excelled at book smarts, he lacked street smarts and the ability to read people and their emotions. So instead of noticing James’ extreme discomfort on the particular subject, he persisted. “Did you talk through it? Do you feel better?”
Being completely enamored with the other boy, practically attached at the hip when they were together, Kendall could easily sense this, knowing that Logan’s persistent questions were making James extremely uncomfortable. “Logan,” he hissed, sending the smart boy a glare. “Give him some space, okay?”
This outburst seemed to stop Logan right in his tracks, putting an end to all the questions that James didn’t want to answer. What Kendall didn’t know was just how much Logan did know about the situation. And since the last time James and Kendall had seemed each other, nothing had changed. Kendall’s absence hadn’t done a damn thing to the way James depended on the other boy. No one else but him saw it; no one else but him knew how dangerous it could be, how detrimental it was to his healing process. James still needed Kendall to the point where it was unhealthy and Kendall was still too blind to this, unknowingly enabling him.
The worst part of the day came in the evening, when visitor hours were drawing nearer. The previous night it hadn’t mattered because the nurses were nice enough to let him stay. But that couldn’t happen tonight. He had to leave; he was driving back to his dad’s tonight, having to be in school the following day. He had to leave James and the thought absolutely broke his heart. Even more so when James looked up at him with teary eyes, begging him not to go, begging him not to leave him.
Kendall reached down, thumbing away the tears rolling down his cheeks and leaned forward to press his lips against James’ forehead. “Call or text me whenever you want, okay? I’m going to have my phone on me at all times.”
Kendall said goodbye one last time, turning away and not looking back, knowing that he had to go and even one glance back would crumble his resolve. His hands were just itching to comfort James, caress his cheek and tell him that everything would be okay, that he would be there always. But he had to leave again.
And just when Kendall thought he couldn’t feel any worse, Logan stopped him on his way out, having witnessed his promise to be there for James whenever he needed via text or phone call. He leaned in, speaking so quietly that Kendall barely heard him. But he had and the words that left Logan’s lips infuriated him more than the fact that he had to leave.
“Kendall, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for him to call or text you,” Logan advised, rushing his words, as if knowing Kendall wasn’t going to like them. “It’s not healthy for him.”
Kendall bit his lip for a second, struggling to keep them from turning up in a snarl. He composed himself the best he could but his anger seeped into his voice as he spoke anyways. “Considering what happened last time I listened to you, I’m not going to make that mistake again.”
Author: emo_bangs
Rating: R, for swearing, mature themes and sexual situations
Pairing: Kendall/James, with a side of Logan/Carlos
Summary: When the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all.
Notes: So here this is, two months late. It’s not too long but I like to think its got a lot of substance. More on the Kames relationship and more on the Kendall/Logan dynamic and the feud between them. Enjoy.
Warnings: Molestation/Rape and Self-harm
James thought, for sure, that it was going to be the best night of his life. Him and Kendall had spent the whole night together, an unofficial date, of sorts. Neither boy had vocally expressed feelings yet but both were somehow aware of these feelings that existed between them. They were there with every glance, touch, every word spoken.
Carlos and Logan were out on a date themselves, which left him and Kendall. The blond suggested they go grab dinner then see a movie; James had to bite his tongue to keep from declaring it a date. It had gone better than any first date he’d been on, no awkward small talk, no uncertainty. Just two best friends having a good time together.
They were heading back now from the movie, towards James’ house. Kendall had shut off his car and ran around the back to open his door. Demurely, he thanked the other boy and walked alongside him up to his porch. The butterflies in his stomach were telling him that Kendall was going to kiss him and he couldn’t have been more excited about it.
Slowly, they made their way to his porch, both stopping and stalling as they stood before his door.
“I had fun Kendy,” he said, glancing up at Kendall with sincere hazel eyes.
The blond boy chuckled lightly, meeting James’ eyes with his own. “We always have fun Jamsey.”
James smiled sweetly, “I know, we do,” he agreed. “We should do this again.”
And the smile Kendall gave him made his heart skip a beat, or two. “Definitely.”
Waking up that next morning, James felt extremely conflicted. Part of him wished it had all been a dream, that he had just dreamt that he had cut too deep and ended up in the hospital. The remaining part of him was grateful when he woke up in the hospital room that morning.
If it had been a dream, he would’ve woken up alone. He glanced over at the blond sleeping beside him and every bad thing seemed to just fade away. He forgot everything that wasn’t Kendall, seeing only him. James couldn’t be more appreciative of this calm Kendall somehow, effortlessly provided. It put his typically racing mind at ease. These days, with him gone, he was willing to take whatever relief he could get, however brief it was. Every bad thought that entered his mind was instantly negated merely by the blonde’s presence.
Said blond was just stirring him sleep when the door to his room opened, his dad peeking in. His dad had always known about his feelings for Kendall and had never once expressed any discontent towards it. So it didn’t particularly faze him when he discovered them sleeping in the same bed. After seeing how great Kendall had been with James after his mom died, Mr. Diamond was more than grateful towards the other boy,
“James?” the older man called softly, “A nurse is going to stop by soon and take you to see the hospital’s therapist. I’m going to stop by the house real quick and I’ll be back in a bit.
After nodding in understanding and watching his dad shut the door once again, he slipped back down beside the other boy, body facing towards him. With a shaking hand, he reached up to caress Kendall’s cheek, breath hitching slightly at the warmth of Kendall’s skin connecting with his fingers. “Thank god,” he muttered, “I thought you were just a dream.”
Kendall shook his head, reaching out and resting his hand on James’ waist. He ignored the way James’ body jolted slightly against his touch, brushing it off as early morning jitters. “No, I’m here.”
Before any more words or touches could be exchanged, a nurse was popping her head in, announcing that it was time for James’ appointed therapy session. At this declaration, James’ stomach turned uneasily. Just the thought of talking about his problems made him absolutely sick. He nodded numbly at the nurse, not trusting his voice to carry his agreement. He turned back towards Kendall, meeting his green eyes with vulnerable hazel ones.
“Will you walk me down there Kendy?”
And the way James laced their fingers together and held on tightly the entire way made Kendall’s heart crack. The tears in James’ eyes when they departed absolutely shattered it.
Since he wasn’t allowed in there with James, despite how his protective side insisted he should be in there, he sat outside, waiting in the hallway the entire hour. Each minute that passed felt like an hour in itself. It was the single most torturous wait he’d ever endured in his life. His curiosity was practically killing him at the moment, dying to know what James was discussing with the therapist.
He didn’t question it too long; he knew what they were talking about and it tore him apart, little by little. He knew why James slit his wrists; it was right in front of him the whole time. This particular time, it was like clockwork. It had been exactly a year since his mom’s suicide. He knew how close James and his mom were and he knew losing her killed him inside.
This is why he didn’t press the other boy for answers when he emerged an hour later, looking even worse than when he initially went in. Without having to be asked, he held his hand out to the other boy, who took it without a second’s hesitation. No words were spoken as they headed back to James’ room, the brunette would squeeze his hand a little tighter occasionally and he would squeeze right back, letting James know that he was there for him, always.
Everyone was there waiting when they returned, all silently asking questions that James didn’t want to answer.
“So how’d it go?” Logan asked as James crawled back into bed.
“Fine,” the brunette mumbled, his meek voice barely audible.
Logan was the smart one of the group; there was no doubt about it. But sometimes, where he excelled at book smarts, he lacked street smarts and the ability to read people and their emotions. So instead of noticing James’ extreme discomfort on the particular subject, he persisted. “Did you talk through it? Do you feel better?”
Being completely enamored with the other boy, practically attached at the hip when they were together, Kendall could easily sense this, knowing that Logan’s persistent questions were making James extremely uncomfortable. “Logan,” he hissed, sending the smart boy a glare. “Give him some space, okay?”
This outburst seemed to stop Logan right in his tracks, putting an end to all the questions that James didn’t want to answer. What Kendall didn’t know was just how much Logan did know about the situation. And since the last time James and Kendall had seemed each other, nothing had changed. Kendall’s absence hadn’t done a damn thing to the way James depended on the other boy. No one else but him saw it; no one else but him knew how dangerous it could be, how detrimental it was to his healing process. James still needed Kendall to the point where it was unhealthy and Kendall was still too blind to this, unknowingly enabling him.
The worst part of the day came in the evening, when visitor hours were drawing nearer. The previous night it hadn’t mattered because the nurses were nice enough to let him stay. But that couldn’t happen tonight. He had to leave; he was driving back to his dad’s tonight, having to be in school the following day. He had to leave James and the thought absolutely broke his heart. Even more so when James looked up at him with teary eyes, begging him not to go, begging him not to leave him.
Kendall reached down, thumbing away the tears rolling down his cheeks and leaned forward to press his lips against James’ forehead. “Call or text me whenever you want, okay? I’m going to have my phone on me at all times.”
Kendall said goodbye one last time, turning away and not looking back, knowing that he had to go and even one glance back would crumble his resolve. His hands were just itching to comfort James, caress his cheek and tell him that everything would be okay, that he would be there always. But he had to leave again.
And just when Kendall thought he couldn’t feel any worse, Logan stopped him on his way out, having witnessed his promise to be there for James whenever he needed via text or phone call. He leaned in, speaking so quietly that Kendall barely heard him. But he had and the words that left Logan’s lips infuriated him more than the fact that he had to leave.
“Kendall, I really don’t think it’s a good idea for him to call or text you,” Logan advised, rushing his words, as if knowing Kendall wasn’t going to like them. “It’s not healthy for him.”
Kendall bit his lip for a second, struggling to keep them from turning up in a snarl. He composed himself the best he could but his anger seeped into his voice as he spoke anyways. “Considering what happened last time I listened to you, I’m not going to make that mistake again.”