Fic: Forever Scarred (8/?)
Title: Forever Scarred
Rating: M, for swearing, violence and possible sexual situations
Pairing: Cargan, past Kames
Summary: Carlos Garcia watched his best friend's life completely fall apart and is still recovering from the effects of losing a friend. His violent, gang lifestyle didn't exactly make any of that easier. But when he meets the sweet new boy, Logan Mitchell, all that just might change.
Warnings: Violence, past character death
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Notes: kinda short but I’m still pretty pleased with it. Let me know what you guys think
The freezing cold water of his shower beat down on him, cascading down his motionless body. It wasn’t the icy water, however, that made his skin numb. That responsibility went to the raw disgust settling in his gut. In that moment, more than ever before, Kendall absolutely loathed himself.
Stress. It was something he was becoming far too familiar with lately. Rumors of a potential take-over attempt were circulating and Kendall was ensuring, true or not, that it didn’t happen. Which entailed long hours of strategizing and preparing his crew to guard their territory, to the death if need be. The week following the discovery of these rumors had kept Kendall busy, to say the least, in contact with his crew twenty-four seven. The impending fight left him feeling slightly overwhelmed and completely stressed.
The number of cigarette breaks he took throughout the day had almost tripled. He knew it was a terrible and disgusting habit and there had been countless times before where he’d tried his hardest to quit. But like any addiction, he just couldn’t break it. Especially when it was the easiest way for him to relax. He promised James before this started that he would stop but after all this went down, Kendall needed them. He would only be able to resist James’ puppy dog eyes for so long though.
He was doing damage control from home that day, observing any patterns and waiting for any signs of this possible attack. Since he was home all day, James was over, even though he knew it wouldn’t be a thrilling evening.
James was sitting on his bed, legs crossed underneath him. He was clad in a pair of loose sweatpants and a black wife-beater, his black whole-rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. A men’s fashion magazine was resting in his lap, eyes lazily scanning over it, only half-interested. He glanced up when he saw Kendall about to leave the room, staring at him expectantly. Then, he saw the cigarette tucked between Kendall’s lips and sighed.
“I really wish you’d quit,” James murmured, voice making it obvious that he wasn’t complaining but that he was merely concerned for his boyfriend’s health.
“I know,” Kendall sighed, having heard this time after time again from the other boy, feeling increasingly guiltier each time he heard it.
“Why do you do it then?” the pretty boy questioned, long eyelashes batting slowly as he stared up at the blond boy.
Kendall shrugged, “Relaxes me.”
A mischievous grin tweaked at James’ lips as he uncrossed his legs, kneeling on the bed. He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes shining with suggestive lust. “Come here and let me relax you.”
And that was an offer that Kendall just couldn’t pass up. He plucked the cigarette from between his lips, tossing it aside and walking over to the bed. As James made quick work of his zipper, he couldn’t help but realize that this was a much more effective relaxation technique.
The memory had come just as unwanted as all the others but this one had brought about something different than any other memory of his boyfriend. Usually when he came back to reality, all he felt was a deep, longing ache in his chest. But this time, something much worse came about. When the memory ended, all he felt was a strong throb in his crotch.
So he did what he had always done when this situation arose. He wrapped his hand around his erection and jerked off to the image of James’ lips wrapped around his length. After he came, a soft, sad cry of James’ name leaving his lips, he couldn’t help but feel absolutely repulsed that he had just used the memory of his dead boyfriend going down on him to get off. The pleasure coursing through his system wasn’t enough to drown out the overwhelming guilt he felt. He briefly wondered if he had just hit a new low, unsure considering that he had nowhere to go but down.
Carlos could tell Kendall was depressed that Monday morning; it wasn’t exactly a difficult task. Then again, his friend hardly ever seemed to be happy anymore. He couldn’t say he blamed the other boy; he would be torn up too if the love of his life was killed. This didn’t stop him from wishing desperately that there was something he could do to help out his friend. He hated seeing Kendall like this.
But past all this, Carlos was unable to subdue his excitement that it was Monday, which meant he would get to see Logan. True, he’d seen him on Saturday, spending almost all day at his house, working on homework then watching a few movies; but Carlos had missed not seeing Logan that Sunday. He’d sincerely missed the other boy and that was a little frightening for him. These feelings didn’t exist outside of love. Carlos mentally shook his head because that was just too ridiculous.
In retrospect, Logan decided that this weekend had been the most eventful one he’d ever had. He thought that this should’ve been more pathetic but the smart boy didn’t really care that much. The two days he had spent with Carlos over the weekend had been two of the most fun days he’d ever had. It was hard to explain but hanging out with Carlos felt so right. There was something so natural about being with the Latino. Like anything that couldn’t be explained with science, this terrified him. Being around Carlos was the first time he’d ever had feelings like these and he honestly wasn’t sure what to do with them.
Speak of the devil. Logan glanced up, a smile instantly gracing his features at the mere sight of the other boy. He was too happy to worry about this reaction, how happy he instantly became when he saw the Latino. His smile was slightly off-put at the sight of Kendall walking beside him, looking like hell, like he did most of the time.
As Carlos sat down at his table, he watched Kendall wordlessly walk off to the music room. His attention shifted back to Carlos, an unknowingly inquisitive expression on his face.
“Working on a song,” Carlos answered the questioned Logan wasn’t aware he was asking.
Logan nodded in understanding, deciding it would be invasive to press any farther. Some things just weren’t any of his business and he had a feeling this was one of those things.
“So I really owe you one Shorty,” he brought up suddenly. “The look on Anderson’s face when I actually handed in my homework today was priceless.”
This statement brought a smile to Logan’s face. “You should do it more often then.”
“Hey, if I get to come over every time I have math homework...” Carlos chuckled, nodding his head. “Then I’m on board.”
A soft blushed tinted Logan’s cheeks as he grinned, nodding in agreement. The bell rang over the intercom, signaling five minutes until their second class began. Logan made quick work of packing up his books into his backpack, slinging each strap over his shoulders. The color in his cheeks darkened when Carlos reached over and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. His grin was permanently etched on his face as the other boy walked him all the way to class, fingers laced together the whole time. It was the first time since coming to this school that he felt truly safe.
Logan knew that it was wrong to invade someone’s privacy but he just couldn’t help the curiosity and worry that surged through him when Kendall went straight to the music room again during lunch. He’d been sitting with Carlos, contently enjoying lunch with the Latino when Kendall walked by, not even sparing a second’s glance at them. Logan had been involved with them long enough to know what this was about. What was more worrying than that, how closed off Kendall was acting, was how nonchalant Carlos seemed about it. It wasn’t that Carlos didn’t care about his friend’s pain; he just seemed far too used to it.
Unable to help himself, Logan quietly excused himself from the table, following after the other boy. He pushed the door to the music room open slowly, cringing as it creaked behind him. Kendall didn’t seem to notice, presumably too consumed in the music he was playing. He was sitting at the piano, fingers grazing the keys as he played a slow, sad tune. Logan’s heart constricted in sympathy when the blond started singing.
Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Within the first stanza, the first three lyrics, Logan knew that this song was for James. There was no doubt in his mind that was the case. This just made his heart ache even more. Even from the doorway, he could see the slight tremble in Kendall’s fingers as he played. He noticed the tension in his shoulders, indicating just how closed-off the other boy truly was.
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me
Kendall’s voice was starting to falter with emotion as this point but that didn’t matter; there was something so beautifully tragic about this song, these words illustrating a dead lover but an immortal love.
I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know
As Kendall sang those last lyrics, his voice trailed off slowly, voice suddenly choking up. He smashed his fingers down onto the keys in frustration, the noise resulting mirroring his mood. Apathetic, scattered.
A few moments of silence passed. Logan was just about to say something when Kendall stood up suddenly.
With a frustrated, angry, sorrowful scream, he threw the bench to the side, hands reaching up, fingernails digging into his scalp. “Fuck!”
The sudden outburst startled the smart boy, causing him to jump and emit an audible gasp. Before he could cover his mouth to stifle the sound, the other boy was spinning around, eyes locking onto him. There was no fury in Kendall’s eyes, no ill feelings having caught him spying on a private moment. All that flickered in the other’s emerald green eyes was pain. And in that moment, Logan didn’t utter a single word because he knew there was nothing, no words he could string together, that would ever make this okay. Nothing would take away the pain of losing the love of his life. Logan knew anything he said in that moment would be useless since nothing would or ever could bring James back.
Rating: M, for swearing, violence and possible sexual situations
Pairing: Cargan, past Kames
Summary: Carlos Garcia watched his best friend's life completely fall apart and is still recovering from the effects of losing a friend. His violent, gang lifestyle didn't exactly make any of that easier. But when he meets the sweet new boy, Logan Mitchell, all that just might change.
Warnings: Violence, past character death
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Notes: kinda short but I’m still pretty pleased with it. Let me know what you guys think
The freezing cold water of his shower beat down on him, cascading down his motionless body. It wasn’t the icy water, however, that made his skin numb. That responsibility went to the raw disgust settling in his gut. In that moment, more than ever before, Kendall absolutely loathed himself.
Stress. It was something he was becoming far too familiar with lately. Rumors of a potential take-over attempt were circulating and Kendall was ensuring, true or not, that it didn’t happen. Which entailed long hours of strategizing and preparing his crew to guard their territory, to the death if need be. The week following the discovery of these rumors had kept Kendall busy, to say the least, in contact with his crew twenty-four seven. The impending fight left him feeling slightly overwhelmed and completely stressed.
The number of cigarette breaks he took throughout the day had almost tripled. He knew it was a terrible and disgusting habit and there had been countless times before where he’d tried his hardest to quit. But like any addiction, he just couldn’t break it. Especially when it was the easiest way for him to relax. He promised James before this started that he would stop but after all this went down, Kendall needed them. He would only be able to resist James’ puppy dog eyes for so long though.
He was doing damage control from home that day, observing any patterns and waiting for any signs of this possible attack. Since he was home all day, James was over, even though he knew it wouldn’t be a thrilling evening.
James was sitting on his bed, legs crossed underneath him. He was clad in a pair of loose sweatpants and a black wife-beater, his black whole-rimmed glasses resting on the bridge of his nose. A men’s fashion magazine was resting in his lap, eyes lazily scanning over it, only half-interested. He glanced up when he saw Kendall about to leave the room, staring at him expectantly. Then, he saw the cigarette tucked between Kendall’s lips and sighed.
“I really wish you’d quit,” James murmured, voice making it obvious that he wasn’t complaining but that he was merely concerned for his boyfriend’s health.
“I know,” Kendall sighed, having heard this time after time again from the other boy, feeling increasingly guiltier each time he heard it.
“Why do you do it then?” the pretty boy questioned, long eyelashes batting slowly as he stared up at the blond boy.
Kendall shrugged, “Relaxes me.”
A mischievous grin tweaked at James’ lips as he uncrossed his legs, kneeling on the bed. He tugged his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes shining with suggestive lust. “Come here and let me relax you.”
And that was an offer that Kendall just couldn’t pass up. He plucked the cigarette from between his lips, tossing it aside and walking over to the bed. As James made quick work of his zipper, he couldn’t help but realize that this was a much more effective relaxation technique.
The memory had come just as unwanted as all the others but this one had brought about something different than any other memory of his boyfriend. Usually when he came back to reality, all he felt was a deep, longing ache in his chest. But this time, something much worse came about. When the memory ended, all he felt was a strong throb in his crotch.
So he did what he had always done when this situation arose. He wrapped his hand around his erection and jerked off to the image of James’ lips wrapped around his length. After he came, a soft, sad cry of James’ name leaving his lips, he couldn’t help but feel absolutely repulsed that he had just used the memory of his dead boyfriend going down on him to get off. The pleasure coursing through his system wasn’t enough to drown out the overwhelming guilt he felt. He briefly wondered if he had just hit a new low, unsure considering that he had nowhere to go but down.
Carlos could tell Kendall was depressed that Monday morning; it wasn’t exactly a difficult task. Then again, his friend hardly ever seemed to be happy anymore. He couldn’t say he blamed the other boy; he would be torn up too if the love of his life was killed. This didn’t stop him from wishing desperately that there was something he could do to help out his friend. He hated seeing Kendall like this.
But past all this, Carlos was unable to subdue his excitement that it was Monday, which meant he would get to see Logan. True, he’d seen him on Saturday, spending almost all day at his house, working on homework then watching a few movies; but Carlos had missed not seeing Logan that Sunday. He’d sincerely missed the other boy and that was a little frightening for him. These feelings didn’t exist outside of love. Carlos mentally shook his head because that was just too ridiculous.
In retrospect, Logan decided that this weekend had been the most eventful one he’d ever had. He thought that this should’ve been more pathetic but the smart boy didn’t really care that much. The two days he had spent with Carlos over the weekend had been two of the most fun days he’d ever had. It was hard to explain but hanging out with Carlos felt so right. There was something so natural about being with the Latino. Like anything that couldn’t be explained with science, this terrified him. Being around Carlos was the first time he’d ever had feelings like these and he honestly wasn’t sure what to do with them.
Speak of the devil. Logan glanced up, a smile instantly gracing his features at the mere sight of the other boy. He was too happy to worry about this reaction, how happy he instantly became when he saw the Latino. His smile was slightly off-put at the sight of Kendall walking beside him, looking like hell, like he did most of the time.
As Carlos sat down at his table, he watched Kendall wordlessly walk off to the music room. His attention shifted back to Carlos, an unknowingly inquisitive expression on his face.
“Working on a song,” Carlos answered the questioned Logan wasn’t aware he was asking.
Logan nodded in understanding, deciding it would be invasive to press any farther. Some things just weren’t any of his business and he had a feeling this was one of those things.
“So I really owe you one Shorty,” he brought up suddenly. “The look on Anderson’s face when I actually handed in my homework today was priceless.”
This statement brought a smile to Logan’s face. “You should do it more often then.”
“Hey, if I get to come over every time I have math homework...” Carlos chuckled, nodding his head. “Then I’m on board.”
A soft blushed tinted Logan’s cheeks as he grinned, nodding in agreement. The bell rang over the intercom, signaling five minutes until their second class began. Logan made quick work of packing up his books into his backpack, slinging each strap over his shoulders. The color in his cheeks darkened when Carlos reached over and grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. His grin was permanently etched on his face as the other boy walked him all the way to class, fingers laced together the whole time. It was the first time since coming to this school that he felt truly safe.
Logan knew that it was wrong to invade someone’s privacy but he just couldn’t help the curiosity and worry that surged through him when Kendall went straight to the music room again during lunch. He’d been sitting with Carlos, contently enjoying lunch with the Latino when Kendall walked by, not even sparing a second’s glance at them. Logan had been involved with them long enough to know what this was about. What was more worrying than that, how closed off Kendall was acting, was how nonchalant Carlos seemed about it. It wasn’t that Carlos didn’t care about his friend’s pain; he just seemed far too used to it.
Unable to help himself, Logan quietly excused himself from the table, following after the other boy. He pushed the door to the music room open slowly, cringing as it creaked behind him. Kendall didn’t seem to notice, presumably too consumed in the music he was playing. He was sitting at the piano, fingers grazing the keys as he played a slow, sad tune. Logan’s heart constricted in sympathy when the blond started singing.
Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Within the first stanza, the first three lyrics, Logan knew that this song was for James. There was no doubt in his mind that was the case. This just made his heart ache even more. Even from the doorway, he could see the slight tremble in Kendall’s fingers as he played. He noticed the tension in his shoulders, indicating just how closed-off the other boy truly was.
Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me
Kendall’s voice was starting to falter with emotion as this point but that didn’t matter; there was something so beautifully tragic about this song, these words illustrating a dead lover but an immortal love.
I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know
As Kendall sang those last lyrics, his voice trailed off slowly, voice suddenly choking up. He smashed his fingers down onto the keys in frustration, the noise resulting mirroring his mood. Apathetic, scattered.
A few moments of silence passed. Logan was just about to say something when Kendall stood up suddenly.
With a frustrated, angry, sorrowful scream, he threw the bench to the side, hands reaching up, fingernails digging into his scalp. “Fuck!”
The sudden outburst startled the smart boy, causing him to jump and emit an audible gasp. Before he could cover his mouth to stifle the sound, the other boy was spinning around, eyes locking onto him. There was no fury in Kendall’s eyes, no ill feelings having caught him spying on a private moment. All that flickered in the other’s emerald green eyes was pain. And in that moment, Logan didn’t utter a single word because he knew there was nothing, no words he could string together, that would ever make this okay. Nothing would take away the pain of losing the love of his life. Logan knew anything he said in that moment would be useless since nothing would or ever could bring James back.