Fic: Fall to Pieces
Title: Fall to Pieces
Author: emo_bangs
Rating: R, for swearing, mature themes and sexual situations
Pairing: Kendall/James, with a side of Logan/Carlos
Summary: When the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all.
Notes: A lot of people wanted to read this idea (which was formerly called Forever Broken but I kinda hated that name). So I decided to write a little preview chapter to see if people would be interested in me continuing it. So let me know. On a complete side note, here is a fic where James’ dad is actually pretty cool/nice. Never thought I’d write that...
Warnings: Molestation/Rape
He couldn’t get it off. No matter how hard and vigorously he scrubbed, it lingered on him. Under his skin, he could still feel it. It was taunting him, spewing words of vicious hate and disgust. He was dirty, repulsively so and even after his skin turned raw from his effort, he still wasn’t clean. The loofah fell form his grip and the water washed the traces of his blood away. He slid down beside it, drawing his knees to his chest. He let the scalding hot water cascade over his violently trembling body. He watched a few drops of blood leak from a reopened cut and turn the water a sickly red. He felt a sob shake his body as he wondered if he would ever be clean again.
He shuffled into the kitchen, running a hand through his still damp hair; he didn’t have time for his usual grooming routine, he was already in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time. Pouring himself a glass of apple juice, he sat down at the table, swirling the amber liquid around in his cup. His dad, reading the newspaper beside him, put it down and looked over at him, concern etched on his face.
“Hey, you okay kiddo?” he questioned, “You were in there an awful long time.”
"I'm fine," James mumbled, wondering if that was as unconvincing as it sounded in his head. Sure, he was tired (and looked it) and lacked his usual fancy getup, his high maintenance morning routine (30 minute shower, an hour on his hair, at least an hour to find the perfect outfit) but he was a decent enough actor to play it off as no big deal. He was just tired, his slouched body language and drooping eyes said. Because it was true. He'd barely gotten any sleep last night; every time he shut his eyes, horrendous images played in his mind and the emotional scars these images left were imprinted on his skin long after he woke up. But no one knew that, no one needed to know that. It was his secret, his only and he wasn't about to burden anyone else with his tragic reality.
School was the more difficult part of his charade. He had more people to fool there, more people to hide from. Not to mention Logan, always staring at him like he was the specimen he was analyzing. It got so severely under James' nerves. Mostly because he went to such lengths to hide his secret shame but when Logan stared at him like that it seemed like he knew, he knew everything, just by looking at him. He shook it off because there was no way Logan knew; he was way too good at hiding.
Unfortunately there was no hiding the noticeable flinch when Carlos laid a hand on his shoulder. The Latino pulled his hand away surprised and mumbled an apology. James quickly excused himself from their lunch table, unable to take Logan's questioning, worried gaze and the string of unwanted, disgusting words in his voice floating around in his head.
It was times like these that he missed Kendall the most. When he was sitting in the boys bathroom, nails digging into his skin in a blissfully painful way as he relived the horrible experience over and over again. He wanted Kendall back. At least when the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all. It was unbearable when he didn't have Kendall's genuine sweet words to replace the older man's slimy ones or when he didn't have Kendall's soft, loving caress to outshine the horrible, unpleasant touches the older man traveled down his body. His life was pure hell when Kendall wasn't around.
Author: emo_bangs
Rating: R, for swearing, mature themes and sexual situations
Pairing: Kendall/James, with a side of Logan/Carlos
Summary: When the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all.
Notes: A lot of people wanted to read this idea (which was formerly called Forever Broken but I kinda hated that name). So I decided to write a little preview chapter to see if people would be interested in me continuing it. So let me know. On a complete side note, here is a fic where James’ dad is actually pretty cool/nice. Never thought I’d write that...
Warnings: Molestation/Rape
He couldn’t get it off. No matter how hard and vigorously he scrubbed, it lingered on him. Under his skin, he could still feel it. It was taunting him, spewing words of vicious hate and disgust. He was dirty, repulsively so and even after his skin turned raw from his effort, he still wasn’t clean. The loofah fell form his grip and the water washed the traces of his blood away. He slid down beside it, drawing his knees to his chest. He let the scalding hot water cascade over his violently trembling body. He watched a few drops of blood leak from a reopened cut and turn the water a sickly red. He felt a sob shake his body as he wondered if he would ever be clean again.
He shuffled into the kitchen, running a hand through his still damp hair; he didn’t have time for his usual grooming routine, he was already in the bathroom for a suspiciously long time. Pouring himself a glass of apple juice, he sat down at the table, swirling the amber liquid around in his cup. His dad, reading the newspaper beside him, put it down and looked over at him, concern etched on his face.
“Hey, you okay kiddo?” he questioned, “You were in there an awful long time.”
"I'm fine," James mumbled, wondering if that was as unconvincing as it sounded in his head. Sure, he was tired (and looked it) and lacked his usual fancy getup, his high maintenance morning routine (30 minute shower, an hour on his hair, at least an hour to find the perfect outfit) but he was a decent enough actor to play it off as no big deal. He was just tired, his slouched body language and drooping eyes said. Because it was true. He'd barely gotten any sleep last night; every time he shut his eyes, horrendous images played in his mind and the emotional scars these images left were imprinted on his skin long after he woke up. But no one knew that, no one needed to know that. It was his secret, his only and he wasn't about to burden anyone else with his tragic reality.
School was the more difficult part of his charade. He had more people to fool there, more people to hide from. Not to mention Logan, always staring at him like he was the specimen he was analyzing. It got so severely under James' nerves. Mostly because he went to such lengths to hide his secret shame but when Logan stared at him like that it seemed like he knew, he knew everything, just by looking at him. He shook it off because there was no way Logan knew; he was way too good at hiding.
Unfortunately there was no hiding the noticeable flinch when Carlos laid a hand on his shoulder. The Latino pulled his hand away surprised and mumbled an apology. James quickly excused himself from their lunch table, unable to take Logan's questioning, worried gaze and the string of unwanted, disgusting words in his voice floating around in his head.
It was times like these that he missed Kendall the most. When he was sitting in the boys bathroom, nails digging into his skin in a blissfully painful way as he relived the horrible experience over and over again. He wanted Kendall back. At least when the blond was around, things were bearable. He could handle all the filthy words whispered in his ear or the unwanted, rough touches but when the blond was gone, he couldn't handle it at all. It was unbearable when he didn't have Kendall's genuine sweet words to replace the older man's slimy ones or when he didn't have Kendall's soft, loving caress to outshine the horrible, unpleasant touches the older man traveled down his body. His life was pure hell when Kendall wasn't around.