love... life... meaning... nah. utter bull shit
okay so long time no see. or however that works in this instance. does it matter? hell if i know. i have made a truly profound observation recently, i don't know anything. as in i literally know nothing, about nothing and nothing is and nothing does not actually exist. So how do i know it? well it is the absence of nothing that matters. nothing is absence - of something, take your pick, money love affection good grades, all of these are SOMETHING. i know nothing. i have an absence of knowledge, knowledge about all of these things that are somethings. what i have decided, i hate stupidity, ignorance is tolerable. i am ignorant of so many things. of all things in fact. i am tired of knowing nothing. i will no longer tolerate my own ignorance. it is akin to looking at the world through a veil that you don't even know is there. well, i'm aware of it now. i haven't managed to lift said veil yet but i'm am, one slow learned fact at a time.
don't get me wrong i am perfectly well informed about all of the horrible mean evil things in the world and i have no wish to become more closely acquainted with these, far from it. so, how can i learn of these things, grow to know these things without forming an acquaintance to them? i can't. it is a bond that has to form, that i am forcing upon myself. will i regret it, probably. but with every dark cloud there is a silver lining. so if i know of these evils what good could i also know?
please don't think that i am simply craving to learn of the wicked way of the world, it is hardly the case, i want to know for knowings sake. i have always valued intelligence, prized knowledge. that is what i seek. i have read all those books in english i am aware of the dangers of such a quest, i am also painfully aware of what harm ignoring ignorance can cause. maybe i am just tired of people calling me naive.
but as in rasselas, knowledge will not bring happiness. i know that. i already possess happiness. it is a living breathing thing that lives within all of those that i care about. my friends and family. even random strangers who make me smile or think. happiness is very much a state of mind but i gain my happiness through others, their presence, my relationship with them, the conversations that i have with them. any acquisition of knowledge that i gain would only further the closeness of my friends, the depth of conversation, but even then it is not about depth of conversation with friends that makes me happy, far from it, it is the utter ease that i feel around them, the peace that they each inspire within me. alright, i have gotten way off topic, and i forgot where i was going with this anyway. new topic.
you might have noticed that my mood is blank. as in open to everything. it is a blank slate, my emotions, the slightest thing sways my mood and my opinion. i don't think that is good or even safe. i am very much aware of how impractical it is, trust me. just i'll admit the influence that others have on me, i am not happy about it but it is still there. there comes this point when you have to ask what your motivation is. no i am not talking about motivation the way it is usually used, like some grand divine inspiration just what is it that gets you out of bed in the morning, what is it that drives your decisions? anyway the comes this point when you can't let others be your motivation, you have to separate yourself from all those influences and decide only your own what to do. so my emotions and my mind to an extent are blank slates and everyone that i encounter are the chalk, but my free will is the eraser and i can keep what i want and erase what i don't need. this is where a lot of people screw up. they don't learn from their mistakes and they don't learn the lesson that life is trying to teach them. what the crap? hahahaha so the trick is to learn to be open to everything and then with an unbiased eye decide what is worth keeping. hurt feelings are good to remember, not for vengeance but for the moral of how they got hurt. do you get it?
ignore me like you always do, i swear it will make your life easier.
well, that is enough inane rambling from me for another month or so, later ya'll.
don't get me wrong i am perfectly well informed about all of the horrible mean evil things in the world and i have no wish to become more closely acquainted with these, far from it. so, how can i learn of these things, grow to know these things without forming an acquaintance to them? i can't. it is a bond that has to form, that i am forcing upon myself. will i regret it, probably. but with every dark cloud there is a silver lining. so if i know of these evils what good could i also know?
please don't think that i am simply craving to learn of the wicked way of the world, it is hardly the case, i want to know for knowings sake. i have always valued intelligence, prized knowledge. that is what i seek. i have read all those books in english i am aware of the dangers of such a quest, i am also painfully aware of what harm ignoring ignorance can cause. maybe i am just tired of people calling me naive.
but as in rasselas, knowledge will not bring happiness. i know that. i already possess happiness. it is a living breathing thing that lives within all of those that i care about. my friends and family. even random strangers who make me smile or think. happiness is very much a state of mind but i gain my happiness through others, their presence, my relationship with them, the conversations that i have with them. any acquisition of knowledge that i gain would only further the closeness of my friends, the depth of conversation, but even then it is not about depth of conversation with friends that makes me happy, far from it, it is the utter ease that i feel around them, the peace that they each inspire within me. alright, i have gotten way off topic, and i forgot where i was going with this anyway. new topic.
you might have noticed that my mood is blank. as in open to everything. it is a blank slate, my emotions, the slightest thing sways my mood and my opinion. i don't think that is good or even safe. i am very much aware of how impractical it is, trust me. just i'll admit the influence that others have on me, i am not happy about it but it is still there. there comes this point when you have to ask what your motivation is. no i am not talking about motivation the way it is usually used, like some grand divine inspiration just what is it that gets you out of bed in the morning, what is it that drives your decisions? anyway the comes this point when you can't let others be your motivation, you have to separate yourself from all those influences and decide only your own what to do. so my emotions and my mind to an extent are blank slates and everyone that i encounter are the chalk, but my free will is the eraser and i can keep what i want and erase what i don't need. this is where a lot of people screw up. they don't learn from their mistakes and they don't learn the lesson that life is trying to teach them. what the crap? hahahaha so the trick is to learn to be open to everything and then with an unbiased eye decide what is worth keeping. hurt feelings are good to remember, not for vengeance but for the moral of how they got hurt. do you get it?
ignore me like you always do, i swear it will make your life easier.
well, that is enough inane rambling from me for another month or so, later ya'll.