self pity
i'm sorry for those of you who ever still check this lj. i never write, i don't ever have time, i am not sure what it is that i am doing but....
whatever...
i am currently wallowing in self pity. poor little old me. i hate self pity i am holding myself in contempt. it is to much for me. now i hate myself for feeling sorry for myself that will never do. that is stupid.
perhaps i should start with what is wrong. my uncle bill is sick and expected to die soon from heart complication - date unknown.
my first theater teacher - burns has had a massive heart attack and wasn't expected to live he is currently recuperating in a hospital in conroe.
i'm fighting with my mom all the time now, which i really hate. i love my mom, i just wish that i could be the person that she wants me to be... ya know. that person would be such an amazing person.
my uncle james has emphazima (how ever you spell it) or something from smoking all of his life and he is getting worse every day
my cousin ben, who i don't particularly like is in the middle of a custudy battle where his ex might run off with the kid. i don't really like ben but i love him, and he loves his daughter and he cares and we is a better father than his ex is a mother. and she, the little girl is truely better off here.
my aunt judy is in the middle of a divorce, after many many years of marriage, as long as i can remember, and she is not.... she's not happy...
my uncle jim has been diagnosed with cancer, the same kind that killed his father, and it is worse than the dr 1st thought. scary thought that, jim is the one who first taught me how to waltz....
i haven't been to church in 7 months....
my grandmother has gotten so bad that she doesn't remember her own children, let alone her grandkids, us, or events. she is almost 80 and has diabetes and a thousand other things that went wrong...
my sister is getting married, a high note, but my brother and father are both not going - causing much drama
i'm graduating, and once again leaving behind the most amazing people that i have been blessed to be around.... to get to know...
then there is stupid high school drama with me and my boyfriend, and then there is the more fighting with my mom,
and then there is all of the stuff that my friends, you guys are going through.... and that for some queer reason takes precidence over all of my stuff.
i don't know maybe it is easier and more fulfilling for me to help others deal with stuff thanit is dealing with my own.
what ever the reason,
i love all of you. every single one of my friends, and i am constantly thinking about you.... not in a creppy stalker way in a ... wow i wonder how they're doing?? way......... and you should know if you are my friend, i would have told you how much i love you. and i want to thank you all for making me smile and allowing me for the breifest moment an escape fromthe things that i can not control and that i otherwise find no solice from...
gotta go, much love...
em
whatever...
i am currently wallowing in self pity. poor little old me. i hate self pity i am holding myself in contempt. it is to much for me. now i hate myself for feeling sorry for myself that will never do. that is stupid.
perhaps i should start with what is wrong. my uncle bill is sick and expected to die soon from heart complication - date unknown.
my first theater teacher - burns has had a massive heart attack and wasn't expected to live he is currently recuperating in a hospital in conroe.
i'm fighting with my mom all the time now, which i really hate. i love my mom, i just wish that i could be the person that she wants me to be... ya know. that person would be such an amazing person.
my uncle james has emphazima (how ever you spell it) or something from smoking all of his life and he is getting worse every day
my cousin ben, who i don't particularly like is in the middle of a custudy battle where his ex might run off with the kid. i don't really like ben but i love him, and he loves his daughter and he cares and we is a better father than his ex is a mother. and she, the little girl is truely better off here.
my aunt judy is in the middle of a divorce, after many many years of marriage, as long as i can remember, and she is not.... she's not happy...
my uncle jim has been diagnosed with cancer, the same kind that killed his father, and it is worse than the dr 1st thought. scary thought that, jim is the one who first taught me how to waltz....
i haven't been to church in 7 months....
my grandmother has gotten so bad that she doesn't remember her own children, let alone her grandkids, us, or events. she is almost 80 and has diabetes and a thousand other things that went wrong...
my sister is getting married, a high note, but my brother and father are both not going - causing much drama
i'm graduating, and once again leaving behind the most amazing people that i have been blessed to be around.... to get to know...
then there is stupid high school drama with me and my boyfriend, and then there is the more fighting with my mom,
and then there is all of the stuff that my friends, you guys are going through.... and that for some queer reason takes precidence over all of my stuff.
i don't know maybe it is easier and more fulfilling for me to help others deal with stuff thanit is dealing with my own.
what ever the reason,
i love all of you. every single one of my friends, and i am constantly thinking about you.... not in a creppy stalker way in a ... wow i wonder how they're doing?? way......... and you should know if you are my friend, i would have told you how much i love you. and i want to thank you all for making me smile and allowing me for the breifest moment an escape fromthe things that i can not control and that i otherwise find no solice from...
gotta go, much love...
em