Fatter Than Ususal Day
I feel fat all the time but right now i feel overtly discustingly Fat. Fat in my body, Fat in my heart. I AM. I'm having one of those total hissy-fit Fat tantrums. If it was anything else that was the problem i might be able to fix it but i can't seem to fix this. Not instantly anyway.
I'm not getting anywhere. Yesterday i fasted till about 6pm when i had a sandwhich and tea cakes. Today I have had a diet soup, a diet shake and an apple and i'm going out drinking tonight - well, i'm meant to be. Right now i don't think i'm going anywhere - I don't know if i can face to world with the complex i have about myself right now. It's right on the surface and i don't know if i can hide it tonight.
I'm 27 for Hells sake! I should be a smart, confident, attractive young woman but i feel just as insecure and pathetic as i did when i was 12! *sigh*
Okay, so I HAVE to make myself fast - at least 3 days. Even though I have friends staying this weekend. No food. Just soup if i get desperate (no more than 2 per day).
I've been looking at Thinspo to try and encourage myself ...
Now I feel even downer ... *sigh* It just feels so impossible when all i want to do is eat. And the truth is that i want to lose 80-90lb. It really seems impossible right now.
I'm not getting anywhere. Yesterday i fasted till about 6pm when i had a sandwhich and tea cakes. Today I have had a diet soup, a diet shake and an apple and i'm going out drinking tonight - well, i'm meant to be. Right now i don't think i'm going anywhere - I don't know if i can face to world with the complex i have about myself right now. It's right on the surface and i don't know if i can hide it tonight.
I'm 27 for Hells sake! I should be a smart, confident, attractive young woman but i feel just as insecure and pathetic as i did when i was 12! *sigh*
Okay, so I HAVE to make myself fast - at least 3 days. Even though I have friends staying this weekend. No food. Just soup if i get desperate (no more than 2 per day).
I've been looking at Thinspo to try and encourage myself ...
Now I feel even downer ... *sigh* It just feels so impossible when all i want to do is eat. And the truth is that i want to lose 80-90lb. It really seems impossible right now.