Today I am fasting.
I feel so sick after my binging. Why do I do this to myself? Honestly, I don’t know.
What I do know is that eating so much after restricting heavily and OD-ing on laxatives and starting the cycle again is messing my body up. How is it that I can lose 4-5lb over-night and then put the same back on in a day after bingeing? It’s not right, not natural. I am sick of myself talking-the-talk but not walking-the-walk. I’m all gun-ho for a couple of days and then one bad day turns into a week and so on. So, today I fast - nothing but water for 3 days so that I can get that empty stomach again. Then soup.
Something else has been bothering me - apart from my fatness. I know my Hubby likes thin girls - and I am curvatious to say the least. Do I want to lose the weight for me or for him? I know I want to lose it for me but I want him to love me the way that I am now and I don’t believe that he really does. He went out dancing on the weekend with some guys from work (which I don’t mind about at all - I want him to go out and have fun) but he came home and told me about this girl who was dancing with him. I asked him what she looked like and he didn’t say blonde/brunette or what her nationality was or what she was wearing - he just said she was petite/thin/tiny. One of his work mates said that he hasn’t stopped going on about how small her waist was and how he didn’t want to let her go. The only thing that bothers me is that she is what I want to be - and has confirmed to me that that is what he wants too. I hate myself. I’m not happy in this marriage - because I know he can do better.
What I do know is that eating so much after restricting heavily and OD-ing on laxatives and starting the cycle again is messing my body up. How is it that I can lose 4-5lb over-night and then put the same back on in a day after bingeing? It’s not right, not natural. I am sick of myself talking-the-talk but not walking-the-walk. I’m all gun-ho for a couple of days and then one bad day turns into a week and so on. So, today I fast - nothing but water for 3 days so that I can get that empty stomach again. Then soup.
Something else has been bothering me - apart from my fatness. I know my Hubby likes thin girls - and I am curvatious to say the least. Do I want to lose the weight for me or for him? I know I want to lose it for me but I want him to love me the way that I am now and I don’t believe that he really does. He went out dancing on the weekend with some guys from work (which I don’t mind about at all - I want him to go out and have fun) but he came home and told me about this girl who was dancing with him. I asked him what she looked like and he didn’t say blonde/brunette or what her nationality was or what she was wearing - he just said she was petite/thin/tiny. One of his work mates said that he hasn’t stopped going on about how small her waist was and how he didn’t want to let her go. The only thing that bothers me is that she is what I want to be - and has confirmed to me that that is what he wants too. I hate myself. I’m not happy in this marriage - because I know he can do better.