The Tender Secret (Complete)
Part I here
~~**~~**~~
Merlin felt it as Kilgharrah flew away, far from Camelot, far from this forest, up high into the sky. He had done it. He was a Dragonlord. He spoke and the dragon heeded…his kin?
Oh.
It still hurt, the loss of his father, but at least he'd done what was needed, as he had felt his father there with him.
Arthur was hurt, but hopefully…
Merlin's thought paused, as the person with that name began to move.
"Uuuhhh…"
Lifting his head slowly, Arthur looked around at the state of knights all down on the ground around him. Beyond though, there he stood. Merlin. Every knight had probably been taken out this fateful evening, and yet there was his idiot servant. Ah Merlin. The dragon-
Wait, where was the dragon? All he could remember was sticking that wooden spear deep into the dragon's heart, at least he hoped it had hit there, and then…
Flying…falling…some…
Merlin. He was still standing there. He had to ask him.
Arthur listened with shock as Merlin told him he had delivered the fatal blow, that the dragon was no longer there. That he was gone. He didn't even take time to ponder it. Arthur just laughed with wild abandon, shocked and happier than he'd ever been. For the love of Camelot, for honor and duty, they had made their trek, and it had paid off. The dragon was gone. Oh, he would not harm Camelot ever again. Yes!
Still lying on the ground, he felt Merlin's hand come out now to assist him. Arthur pulled up at it with vigor, soon standing again on his own. Looking around though, he started to wonder. "Where…where is it Merlin if it's dead?"
Merlin swam for an answer. He was much too used to having to give these hasty explanations that weren't the entire truth. Arthur had not killed the dragon of course. No one had. Merlin had instead ordered Kilgharrah to leave. That didn't make any less though of what Arthur had attempted and started. It amazed Merlin sometimes how brave Arthur could be, and how he would take chances, no matter what the risk to himself. Anytime given the chance he protected those around him. It was simply what Arthur was made of, stealth and honor. Yes, he could be a Royal Prat, but Merlin also counted him as a trusted friend, even if he wasn't entirely sure Arthur felt the same.
There was no less glory in what Arthur had done. Merlin doubted most men would face a fire-breathing dragon after all his other men had already fallen, burned. He doubted many would raise a wooden spear to such a large ferocious creature. That they would withstand the dragon's fiery breath without a single bit of magic to help. Arthur had advanced all the way, actually getting the spear in, until the dragon abruptly pushed him away so hard to harm. For that Merlin knew this was not his alone, and he didn't need the clamor of victory anyway. He happily took the position as bumbling servant, as long as it kept his master…and friend…safe.
For that day was on the horizon, the one that not even Merlin could have predicted, but knew some of now thanks oddly enough to Kilgharrah. Arthur would rule, uniting all of Albion in peace, and magic would come back to the kingdom. Already Merlin knew Arthur would rule differently from his father, and yet somehow honor the man he loved who had parented him. Maybe one day Arthur would even be able to handle the secret of his birth. Possibly that was the reason for their joined fates. Arthur had magic in him too. It was just Merlin was the one who knew how to control it, who had it in his soul. He was born of the Old Religion. Kin to Kilgharrah as strange as it sounded.
"Uh, yeah, well you see, something really weird happened when you stuck the spear in and he went up and then kind of disintegrated and uh…he kind of just disappeared into some puff of smoke and such." Merlin smiled awkwardly when he was done.
Arthur's eyes scrutinized with question. That was the worst explanation he could ever think of, but typical Merlin. Lifting his hand with dismissal, he concluded in a celebratory tone. "Well at least it's gone. That's what matters. It can't ever hurt Camelot again."
Merlin smiled with satisfaction, but then turned more serious as his master and friend noticed the carnage around them.
Arthur sighed heavily. They were the only ones survived. All the others had suffered the final fate, even the fine horses. He lowered his head for a moment, going down on one knee and whispering in titled respect of his men. "You were all brave and loyal to the last. Camelot will never forget your sacrifice. Neither I. Your Prince thanks you for all your courage. Rest well my Knights, with valor and glory of what you have done."
Of what was left, would need to be rightfully returned to the earth, but that would have to wait, as he and his servant should return to Camelot now.
Merlin bowed his own head, watching Arthur's emotional homage to the twelve fallen knights, seeing how he stuck the spear deep into the earth in everlasting respect. Often deaths happened at high time in battle, that Arthur was never allowed the time to react. It was such a novelty now, to the see the emotion touch him. Merlin smiled soberly, pretty sure each and every Camelot Knight that had perished, had done so with full belief in their attempted conquest.
Arthur lifted off the ground now, giving the littered earth one last look, leaving the spear there like a gravestone, and then pushing away any last bit of pain or sadness. There was no reason to grieve ever for a fallen knight. They did not deserve his tears for they would not want them. They died in the most rightful way. To honor them, he would not mourn with weakened sadness.
Making his way to Merlin now, he slapped at his back to get the young man's attention, as he could feel the ribbon against his hand, safely still in his pocket. It had kept him well, the luck of dear Guinevere. "Alright, back to Camelot to let them know the fate of the dragon."
Merlin smiled. "Yeah…"
Arthur gave him a wry look. "So uh, what were you doing all that time I fought the dragon, Merlin? Cowering in fear behind one of the forest trees?"
Merlin simply smiled. "Something like that."
~~**~~**~~
Gwen headed out to the well again to fetch more water. As she reached it she remembered the night when Arthur had been fighting on the square. He had yelled for her and then without thinking about it much it seemed, rushed to keep her safe. She recalled now how the dragon came down upon his shoulder, making him cry out and fall down with her. Inside the hall she had tended to his wound, as his hand grabbed hold of hers and brought it to his heart. So she could feel its solid beautiful beat.
Lowering the bucket of water now, she braced herself against the well's stone edge. Lifted her head for one more quiet prayer to the one she had voiced after their departure. "Please…keep him safe. That's all I ask. I wish for them all to come back, but…I selfishly ask especially for his and Merlin's return."
Shaking her head, she picked up the bucket again and started to make her way to the hall when she heard it. The palace guards who announced all arrivals, watching above from the highest towers, called out.
"Prince Arthur! Prince Arthur is back…with Merlin!"
She watched as Gaius came out of the hall too. His eyes were alight with joy. She could barely smile though as they still had to wait. It would take time for them to reach the first gates…
It seemed an eternity until she finally caught the first glimpse. Together, on foot, they strode straight into the square. Merlin and Arthur.
He couldn't lower his eyes. All Arthur could do was lift his head to the towers and see all that he loved, and had been his kingdom since birth. These were his people. This was his rightful place, and finally it was saved. He did it, or they did it, or whatever had happened. For once he didn't really care. He was just back and…
Oh.
For the love of sweet Camelot.
His eyes were not facing hers for he kept his head up. He seemed so deeply intent on the towers of the castle that now finally would no longer burn with vandal. It was over. He was home. He was safe. The wind waved at his blonde hairs and she could no longer simply walk when it would take too long to reach him.
She ran forward past Gaius, determined and needing. Lifting her arms, not caring who watched or saw, heeding none of what maybe she would normally, she wrapped around until he was in her embrace. With the deepest affection she whispered against his shoulder. "I thought I'd lost you…"
Arthur didn't care either of any protocol right now. He had been so focused on the castle that was his home that he hadn't even felt her appearance until she was solidly around him. Lifting his own arms, he smiled softly. His dear Guinevere, no matter what he was meant to be, and would be, the possibility of not breathing again made it all more so. She was his heart. Her touch was the most welcome. There was so much he wished he could tell her. For now he just held silent. Warmed by her sweet hold.
He walked with her away from where Gaius greeted Merlin. He started to open his mouth to talk to her when…
Gwen stepped back as the king called down from the top of the steps. Then as he went to meet his son, she moved away even more. Seeing Merlin, she smiled and went to hug him. She was so grateful he was safe too, for he was such a dear friend.
Arthur hugged his father, watching her out of the corner of his eye. Soberly he smiled and followed the king into the palace…
Coming out from the friendly hug, Gwen turned away from the departing prince, ignoring her complaining heart.
~~**~~**~~
It was latening into darkest of night. The celebration had been muted in respect for all the passings of each day and this night. Many had been lost, but thankfully too, much had been saved. That was where the focus must be kept now, restoring Camelot to its original state, and caring for the people who still needed assistance. He knew it would take days, weeks and months to repair all and heal the leftover wounds, but Camelot was a bonded community that would face the toils bravely.
Arthur stepped to the window to lift tired eyes to the sky. The Great Dragon's tyranny was over. Finally everything was quiet. As his eyes lowered though to the palace square, he noticed a small figure crossing over the cobble stone. Turning away from the window, Arthur slipped on his brown leathered jacket, with tassels at the collared shoulder.
~~**~~**~~
Bucket in hand, she reached the well. For the first time in many days it was not work for others. During the dragon's frightful reign she had little time to gather water for herself. Now with finally a moment of peace, a break from the healing hall, she wanted a warmed drink before falling into what she imagined would be a very welcomed restful night.
"Fetching some water?"
Rapidly turning, Gwen held still at her heart. "Arthur! Goodness, you gave me a fright. You should not sneak up like that." She pointed at him harshly now, frowning deeply.
His eyebrows climbed upward, before he got over his own surprise. Usually if he caught someone unawares, they did not respond that way, except for Merlin of course, but then he was a whole other story. Instead they gave their own condolences of not being prepared for his entrance. They bowed and spewed out all the rightful titles nervously.
As his expression remained stilled like that, noticeable under the flaming torches that lined the castle walls and towers to give light to the dark night, Gwen berated herself inwardly. Once again she had done it, in haste, and without much reasonable thought. Now realizing that maybe someone else could be with him, possibly even his father, she bowed in respect. "I was not expecting you…my Lord."
Arthur simply smiled tiredly and with appreciation. Though her face still had that haggardness, it was lit up nicely by the nearby torches. As he looked around though their surrounding, it dawned on him, that they were the only two out here. She was coming out to the well all alone. With the dragon's attack the past nights, Camelot was closed down early this evening, only the guards nearby who always kept watch, moving or standing their ground. "It's late Gwen."
As her expression shifted a bit nervously, he sighed and reached for the bucket she was holding. It was servants' work to tend to these things. But a gallant knight would help a lady…right? Not to mention he was sort of indebted to her. "I'll take this."
She immediately shook her head. At least it seemed the king had not followed him out. Maybe he was already asleep. "No, I can handle it Sire."
He was already tired, and now all the formality oddly grated, maybe because it was her, so Arthur reached forward without much thought and held at her hand tightly. "Stop it Gwen."
She stared up at him, wondering what on earth he could mean. She was responding to him the proper way. He was Prince Arthur. Nothing would ever change that. Not even the way sometimes she felt as his eyes fell on her, those deep blue eyes that now had darkened enough to mirror the evening's glow.
The fanciful thought had no place.
She should take the bucket back from him, but he was already holding it with that unyielding look he had given her the day she accused him of being a poor house guest.
Interestingly enough, his own thoughts were on that day too. "When I stayed with you that time you accused me, rightfully, of treating you like a servant, when you had invited me. I plan to make up for some of that now. Not let you fetch the water alone again."
She was still staring, so he carried the bucket and held at her arm, bringing her along with him. After staying with her those nights, he knew his way well now. Her house was simple on the outside, nothing more than regular servant quarters. Inside, as she now opened the door, he knew of course it only had one bed. He had learned that fact a bit harshly. There was something about it though, this humble little home. It had a fragrant smell of flowers that often she wore in her hair now, the bright and soft petals adorning her dark curls. Her house had no more than one big room, and maybe one tiny one beyond, and yet on every side were simple decorations of flora, wilds of the forest and fruits. He had a feeling it was very special to her, a place she might love to come back to after the sometimes long hours of work at the palace.
Gwen moved to take the water from him, lighting just one more candle to illuminate the room more. "Thank you…"
He gave her a sharp look before she could bring in the royal title.
She gave it up. "Arthur." The formal pretense, that is, she ended. Especially as she noticed it now. "Oh my…Arthur did you have this cleaned?" She lowered the bucket to the table with concern in her eyes.
He felt the touch of her fingers against his scraped cheek and hissed a bit.
"Oh I'm sorry."
He smiled down at her gently. "No, it's alright. Gaius was going to clean it, but he had an emergency of some sort in the hall." Realizing his response sounded spoilt, he quickly amended it. "I'm not saying it was unimportant. I know many have been injured and require care more than this…" He touched at his cheek, his own fingers brushing softly against hers. "Many are hurt…some even more than hurt."
His meaning, the sobered last part of his statement, quickly made its way to her brain. She quietly nodded her head. Only two had come back from the battle this evening. Merlin and him of course. She could see in his eyes now that fact was not an easy one for him. "I ran into Sir Petrus on the steps before I went to see you in your room. He looked so determined, so honored to ride with you, Merlin, and the other Knights of Camelot."
Rarely Arthur wasted any emotion on death. It was too final and never could be changed. Sometimes though it was wearying, coming back from battle, with fewer knights he had rode out with, meaning early in the morning the next day having to train a whole new group of recruits. Sometimes it was a never-ending task. Twelve brave men this night had perished. Children, old people, parents, and such had fallen to their end underneath the dragon's terror.
Arthur lowered his head, grateful for one thing. He didn't have to be just Prince Arthur in present company. He didn't have to stand with hands at his sides as he gave that firm unbending look he was expected to keep in the castle's halls.
She lifted her arms, hands coming to grasp at his shoulders, before she moved even more and held comfortingly at the back of his head. "It is alright to be sorrowful Arthur. You mustn't try to be so strong all the time."
He closed his eyes for one short allowed moment, smelling on her ailments for the sick, but also a hint of that floral aura. Not even the partial scent of medicine bothered him as he rested in her soft caring.
The moment didn't last long though before he lifted his head strongly again. She was right, but also he was a prince. From the moment he had been able to walk he'd been trained to fight. Trained hard enough to kill in a second if needed. With that power he too had the deep responsibility of leader of the Knights of Camelot. Much was always expected of him, so quiet moments like this he barely could let last.
Gwen was adamant about one thing though. She even pushed a bit at his shoulders now to get him down to one of the benches at her modest dining table. "Sit here." Moving past him, she placed some of the water from the bucket into a bowl. She brought that with her to the table along with some myrrh and clean cloth. Bending down to her knees, she dabbed the cloth in the myrrh and water.
With her on her knees, he could see her so vividly now. Arthur watched Gwen quietly, feeling her gentling hand wipe softly at the scraped part of his cheek. It hurt barely as she was very proficient at her work and had a tender touch. He imagined she was removing any dried blood and cleaning it all to avoid infection, and for that he was grateful. "Thank you." He whispered softly, smiling down into her concentrating eyes.
Even as she was busy, Gwen easily smiled back, and then felt the touch of his hand against her, something being put into her palm. She looked down.
"You were right. It did keep me safe. Another luck charm of yours that worked well." He was of course referring to her first one, the handkerchief she had given him to wear when he had unknowingly jousted against the assassin knight. He had been harmed that day, but at least his life was spared. And in the end he even won the tournament, secretly, letting 'Sir William' take the credit.
Arthur watched as she fingered the hair tie he had given back to her, and then he noticed what touched at her own cheeks. Kings probably didn't do things like this. Maybe princes weren't even supposed to. Certainly not for a mere servant. But Gwen was much more than that. And she had taught him servants should not be held in poor keep anyway.
He reached inside his pocket for his own handkerchief, embroidered with the royal insignia, that he carried. Not even hesitating, he pushed it into the water.
"Arthur, what are you-
Gwen started to ask with alarm, but then she was feeling the soft cloth placed against her cheek, just mildly wet enough to cleanse.
"You have small smudges around your face. Probably from helping all the sick. You cleaned everything for me so it's my duty now to assist you."
Gwen stared up at him, feeling the way his hand so gently worked the cloth over all her face.
Reaching her chin, Arthur, tapped his finger there and moved his head down. One more. Before he thought about it too deeply. Before she stopped him.
He had told Merlin on the rescue mission the reason why he couldn't acknowledge it, accept it, because it hurt too much to know nothing could ever come from it. That brought too deep a pain, but here with her right in front of him, so lovely in the candle's light, he didn't care much for what complicated all this. She was just…sweet Gwen. His Guinevere.
When had this happened anyway?
She had reminded him in Merlin's homeland that he was not grateful enough to people who gave only what they had. When he had a fever after being bit by the Questing Beast she sat with him and tended to his hot forehead. It was this though.
Here.
It was in this home when it really started, when he made the decision to fight without his title in the jousting match, because he wanted to see if all his awards and glory were real, or just some falsehood set up by those who didn't want to dishonor him. It was then when he slept in her bed without even giving thought to that she had no other, when he asked to bathe and didn't stop to think she had to go to the well to fetch him the water. It was then she forgot for one crucial moment that he was a prince and so she complained boisterously about his lack of manners. It was after all that, the morning after finding out about the assassin, when she kindly gave him her luck charm, a simple handkerchief, to wear, that he simply needed to kiss her.
And that kiss was like none other. In her humble home, with no bits of royalty around, no castle walls, no guards keeping watch, no regal interruptions, he kissed her with just his mouth, holding still at the handkerchief she gave him, and feeling her hands stay right there too against his own, he kissed softer than perhaps he ever had, and yet…
The warmth he felt in that moment, the shiver that teased at his form, the missing of her lips as soon as they parted, and yet the need to breathe and watch for her reaction, nothing ever had been like it.
A year, or maybe even months ago, he would have called a person ridiculous to think he'd have a love he kept secret, one who worked in the palace he lived in, and yet…
It was that moment. That one simple moment it all came together.
And almost immediately had a lock sealed on it.
For no good could come from it.
And yet…
She felt his hands travel up to her hair, as his eyes met hers and she knew soon she'd feel the heat of his lips. She knew she would not stop it. Could not.
A kiss again. Forbidden. Destined.
Feeling his hand slip down her neck and away, Gwen moved back up to her feet, gesturing, trying to cool her now too warmed lips. It would be best to keep the conversation on the simple, what she had planned and the reason she had gone out to fetch the water in the first place. "I have some pure cider, made days ago, and so I thought I'd heat it with the water, some cinnamon, and some honey to sweeten…make a nice warm drink?"
Arthur couldn't help but tease as he stood up now too. "What about the mead? Might spice it up a little more even."
His look was too roguish. Gwen pushed at his hand. "No, no mead. No spirited drinks this night. Would you like some…cider?"
He smiled, glad that she wanted him to stay. "Sure. That would be nice."
He'd attempted to make her dinner when he stayed here before, and when he panicked he left all the work to Merlin, trying to deceive her with good intention, but still. He was a prince and was used to being waited on hand and foot, but at the moment he was her guest. Maybe it was a little bold, but she wasn't going to think too much about it now. "Fine then."
He sat back down on the bench with a relaxed smile.
Gwen placed her hands firmly on her hips.
Arthur squinted slightly with question. "Uh…is there something wrong?"
"Well you don't think I'm going to make it all by myself, do you? And that you're just going to sit there and watch?"
His eyebrows moved up. She seemed even a bit angry. As long as he lived he'd probably never entirely understand women. Sometimes they could fire up with barely any warning and left you clueless to what they were so angered about in the first place. At least he was a bit 'clueless' right now.
Gwen rolled her eyes and gestured forward. "Come on. Up out of your seat…" She came in with a smartly smiling "My Lord. The cider will not make itself. If you want a cup you must help me."
He laughed with surprise at her firm stance, catching the smile that curved on her own lips.
Soon though he stood up, as her face firmed up again. If he wanted the hot drink he was going to have to do as she said. "Pardon me…My Lady. Of course I will help."
His smile was teasing, but his bow was deep. Gwen couldn't help but blush at it. Only one other man had acted so with her before. She remembered him with fondness now before looking at the prince with wonder.
Amazing…Prince Arthur bowing at her feet. For as short as it was.
His back was already straightened again as he followed her to the firing stove. Looking down at it, the water, the cider and other ingredients with hesitation, he wondered…a bit nervously…what would be asked of him. It couldn't be as bad as attempting to cook a chicken, right? That pale rubbery thing with the swinging legs had sure looked nothing like the way it did when it was cooked.
Gwen wondered at his deeply thoughtful and…apprehensive? look, and had to stifle her laughter. He could be a very amusing prince at times, the strong brave Arthur Pendragon. He would fight a man in a second, but put him in a kitchen and seemed his knees started quaking. "Okay, first the cinnamon. We'll take the knife and cut it down to some finer pieces."
Noticing the sharpness of the blade in her hands, he took it from her now. "I can do that."
Gwen nodded her head with satisfaction. "Good. I'll start with the cider and water." She carried all the liquid to the flame of the stove.
Arthur cut at the cinnamon sticks a bit uncertainly. "Uh, that fine?"
Gwen smiled encouragingly, seeing easily how inexperienced he was, and yet how he was giving it honest intent. "That's good. Maybe that piece…" Her fingers brushed over his. "Just a bit finer. Then Arthur, if you could do the same with the nutmeg."
"Sure. This isn't so bad."
Once again Gwen had to stifle a bit of laughter.
When he was done with the spices she gathered them into some cheesecloth, making a sort of bag to steep over the cider. Along with that though, she reached for a jar of honey. "It will sweeten it a bit, but not too much. It won't be too bitter then or too…"
As she let the thought hang he filled in with help. "Sugary? Right?"
She smiled, enjoying their bit of work together in the kitchen, almost forgetting for the moment he even was a prince. "Yes." She had the jar of honey open now, but noticed it was thickly sticking to what held it. Reaching for a spoon, she tried to get some out, but it wasn't moving too much even with help.
Noticing her troubles, Arthur looked around for another spoon. Finding one, he too dug from the jar with it. Without realizing it, his spoon hit at hers, the honey deciding right at that moment to loosen. A nice glob of it landed on both their wrists and even splattered some on their clothes.
"Ah!" Gwen cried out.
"Uh!" Arthur joined in.
Then they both took a look at each other's messy stick forms and burst into laughter.
Who knew cooking could actually be fun? If a bit stickily dangerous.
Arthur smiled like a little boy, not even realizing it. That week he had hid out from the palace to make his point about his abilities, he'd forgotten somewhat what royal life was like. Honestly he hadn't entirely…missed it. Even though he had still required Merlin's assistance, he at least got a taste of being someone…just normal. Now here again with Gwen he was feeling that way once more. "Oh well, I don't think that's how it's done."
Gwen came back strongly, forgetting too for the moment much of who he was, all his titles. "Oh really Arthur, do you think that?"
His eyes widened. "Well you're not blaming me, are you? First you told me that I snored…of all things like a pig…which I do not by the way. And now you accuse me of making a mess with the honey when really it wasn't my fault."
Gwen had started to laugh. He really did snore! That is she was amused, until he got to the last part.
Now she strongly fisted her hands against her hips again, unfortunately forgetting what was on them. "And so whose fault do you portray it to be My Lord?"
His look was roguish, filled with strong implication, as he gestured slightly to her.
Gwen's mouth opened with shock. "It was not my-
Realizing it now, she cut herself off. Her dress had new bits of stickiness. Shouldn't have moved her hands to her hips like that, but it was his fault for making her temper go up. Humph. "Oh…really…"
Arthur shrugged. "Something wrong?"
A deep frown creased over her face. "Well of course something is wrong. All this honey…oooohhh…it is all sticking to my dress…and my hands and…oh-
"Let me help you." Arthur gallantly cut her off, foolishly moving his hands to the sides of her cheeks and then…
"Oh no."
Gwen rolled her eyes as now she had honey on her face too. Sticking at her cheekbones.
"Here…let me be of assistance." He answered almost awkwardly now.
Feeling his hands still trying to ridiculously wipe her cheeks with no success since they had honey all over them too, Gwen felt a bit of daring as she smiled sweetly.
"No my Lord. Let me help you." She conveniently brought her hands up to his cheeks and smiled with satisfaction as the honey dripped around the skin of his face now. "Oh that is so much better."
Arthur smirked, half closing his eyes as the honey stickily just sat there. "Indeed."
Then he hesitated no longer as already they were in extremely close proximity. They both had been…honeyed up. Tasting the sweetness of her lips and honey, he tightened his hands and kissed her a bit more feverishly than he ever had before. All the exotic taste of her, the way her 'his pleasure' curved form felt against his strong one, he entirely forgot all protocol, pleased that she seemed to be forgetting it too. This couldn't go on. It would have to stop, but for the moment, let his royal sense stay in the castle. Make this beautiful creature his.
Gwen held too, tightly at his cheeks, just stopping herself short enough from messing up his hair with her still very sticky hands. In his grasp she felt lighter than a feather, commanded and yet maybe able to lure enough on her own. She could feel all his desire as he kissed her. She could forget for seconds his stature above her, thinking of him now in this precious time as only the desirable man he was. It was too much a luxury, and yet she would not forbid herself of it until he moved away. Allow this touch, this feeling.
Allow what only secretly they knew.
Arthur finally pulled back, too soon for him, and little did he know for her. Breath shaken, he looked down into her eyes now darkened with desire and wonder. If anyone walked in now he had no idea how he'd explain himself. Of course he wouldn't have to unless it was his father. He stayed still with her watching eyes, that had this odd ability to caress like the touch of a hand. Stilling his slightly shaking hand, he wiped at the honey that smattered her cheek. Of course it mattered little because his own hand was still so sticky, but she complained not a bit.
There was no reason to talk about it, to discuss what was not to be. Not yet anyway. It was of course she that was brought back to sense first, as the pot beyond them boiled with interruption.
"Oh, the cider." Gwen remembered.
Arthur simply nodded his head.
She went on. "Oh, we really must get ourselves cleaned up so we can get the honey where it's supposed to be." She put two towels in the earlier used bucket of water and then handed one to him, kept the other for herself.
Keeping his eyes strongly on her, he wiped at all the mess as much as he could. Watched as she did the same. Usually as a prince he would order someone else to tidy something as messy as this, demanding a new shirt and such, but now with no free wardrobe, he removed the honey by himself.
Gwen smiled with a slight blush as his eyes still didn't leave her. Turning away finally, all the honey as cleaned as it would be, she moved back to the jar with spoon in hand. Taking out a small portion she mixed it into the pot.
All the while Arthur watched silently, that is until he was reminded that if he wanted any, he'd have to continue to be of assistance.
"Get the cups please…My Lord." Gwen smiled with the last bit mildly. She was still feeling the affect from their strong embracing kiss.
Arthur gave her a roguish smile in return, still not totally trusting his mouth to say what he might be thinking. The kiss had most definitely affected him too. He lifted each cup for her to pour the hot cider in.
"Be careful…it's very hot."
"Yes indeed."
Gwen blushed a bit more, sure the meaning of his words were twofold, and yet still trying to keep the mood…quaint. Moving forward now, she led the way to the benches at her dining table. Unlike him, she did not have tall backed chairs that were luxuriously comfortable. Still Arthur sat down with her now and complimented the drink as he took his first sip.
"It's very good."
Gwen nodded her head, noticing how he tapped the outside of the cup when he put it down, as her own hands busied with her apron a few times. "Yes, well, it was a combined effort. Thank you for your help."
Arthur smiled quietly, before gesturing to his still stained shirt and her equally stained dress. "Well I think we were doing great until our little honey mishap. Though perhaps it wasn't so…awful to have that happen."
Gwen smiled shortly before taking another sip of her cider.
"You must miss her a lot."
She lifted her head, the turn of conversation not something she was ready for. "My Lord?"
Arthur frowned slightly, the official terms grating at him again. It was what he was. All the titles were customary and to be expected of course, but to have a time when they both forgot it all and simply laughed, teased…all that…he sorely missed at the moment. Still, he stayed on his safe topic, realizing too that it was hard to tease and have fun when it always could only be temporary. To love someone and know who it was, be in close proximity, and yet not be able to…
"Morgana. It must be hard for you, not having her around anymore."
Gwen frowned for a moment, a sadness touching her eyes. In one way she was most certainly like him. She never reflected deeply on loss. She knew he had lost many in the battle and yet he did not spend time mourning them. The same, she had spent little time mourning her father, and the awful disappearance of her lady, her dear friend. There was much work that had to be done. The pain was too much to bear. Life did not allow the time to be focused on it, and she was not comfortable being idle anyway. Like Arthur. "I do miss her of course. She was my Lady, I loved serving her, but she was also a dear friend to me, always so kind. I imagine the king must miss her very much too, and you."
His face sober now, Arthur took another drink of the cider before responding. "Yes, my father was very close to her. Morgana's father was his best friend. When he took her in he always saw her as a daughter. It's not easy, but…" Emotions were not his forte. Arthur never stayed with them for any measure of long moments. And there were very few he shared them with. "Nothing can be done. No one knows where Morgause took her." He went on with regret, a topic he had started and one that he had a few recriminations that he held for himself. "I should have kept her safe. My father says it wasn't my fault, but I was the one with her last."
Gwen put down her cup now and reached over for his hand, frown placed tightly on her face as she vehemently disagreed. "You must not blame yourself Arthur. Under the spell that Morgause created both you and Merlin could barely survive. I remember that day feeling so…tired. It happened so suddenly that we were all being put to sleep. It was so odd though that Morgana never fell under its hold. Perhaps that is why Morgause took her?"
Arthur sighed, having questioned the same thing a bit himself, but never coming to any reasonable conclusion. "I don't know. Merlin had no clear cut answers either."
"I just hope, that if she…well that she is safe."
"Me too."
Gwen went on now, letting go of his hand to hold her cup again. Something she had always wondered about caught at her mind. "Arthur…"
"Yes?" He swallowed down another bit of the comforting cider. The past days had been tiring. It was a luxury to be resting, with added pleasure being in her company.
"That day, when I woke, it was from Morgana's bed. I am sure though I would not have fallen asleep there. Tired or not I can't see that I would-
He finished her wonderings solidly. That day when they had found everyone fallen to sleep, and entered Morgana's chambers, she had been lying on the hard floor. Tender feelings touching him, Arthur had not been able to leave her like that. "I moved you. I wanted you to be someplace more comfortable when you woke."
Her eyes met his as they focused plainly on her face. She smiled. "Thank you."
Arthur simply nodded his head.
Gwen thought of more now. The past days had been harried and full of tending to the sick for her. For him it had been protecting the land he would one day rule over. It meant she hadn't even asked him about it yet. Now she did. "Your injury, where the dragon hurt you that night in the courtyard, has it healed?"
Finishing off the last bit of cider now, Arthur smiled easily. "Oh yeah. Weirdest thing, but you'll hear no complaint from me. When Merlin and I went to go look for Balinor, it started bothering me. It's a long story, but anyway, Balinor gave me something, treated me in some way. I'm not sure what it was. I just remember waking up the next day and feeling great. He must deal with ailments like Gaius. Whatever he did, took it all away."
Gwen was happy to hear it. "Good."
Arthur got up from the table now, gesturing to see if Gwen too was done with her cider. He took his cup and hers over to the counter and then looked around. It was nice enough sitting with her and talking at the table, but he wouldn't mind either to have the playfulness of before back. It just seemed always the circumstances regarding the two of them would be…
Complicated.
Gwen too now got up from the table. She was certain he was about to leave. Awkwardly not knowing what else to say, she started to give her biddings of farewell. He was probably ready to leave. "Well my Lord-
Her voice stalled though as she noticed where he moved now to sit.
His usual state, Arthur didn't think about what he was doing too much. Even though he kept a forward position, he did not move from it. "Sit with me Gwen." The bench was too austere with no comfortable backing. She had no other pieces of furniture in which to have a more relaxed state, so this would have to do. Even if it was a bit of an intimate place to reside.
"My Lo-
Gwen started formally, but he cut through quick, using the full form of her name. Maybe he secretly liked that no one else regularly used it.
"Guinevere."
Maybe she did too. It seemed it always worked, as it did now. Even with a tiny sigh she moved to sit down beside him, positioned in front just as much as he was, a bit stiffly maybe, on her bed. The one he had mistakenly thought was a spare one when he stayed before.
Arthur smiled, content. Perhaps for a few more moments before night become late too much, they could just pretend. Maybe for a few more bits he could escape all that was expected of him, and what would not be tolerated. In his heart, and sometimes even his mind, he didn't care that she was a servant. She mattered too much. Her beauty struck him too hard. Yearnings never faded even as protocol interrupted. She told him once that he would find a new princess, that she would never be his queen. Something could change though…
Right?
Sitting on the corner of her bed with him now, Gwen could barely look away from his watching blue-skied eyes. It made her blush as at the same time she strongly desired. In that tent she had kissed him strongly to save him. Tonight with the honey…
Arthur slipped his hand around hers, watching all the while for her subtle reactions.
Maybe this was just punishment, never meant to become what its destiny could be. Perhaps this circle of emotion had no completion. Morning would come and the hiding, the denial, the hurt would beckon once more.
Or perhaps the clouds of future saw another path, one where they defied all that was supposed to be. Where a King would finally have his Queen. Where fate would finally be kind.
Perhaps.
Gwen said nothing, just felt it as his hand climbed up her wrist and touched more.
"Thank you for the cider, for teaching me how to make it." He sighed. This was foolish. And besides. It was late. He never should have sat down here on her bed and beckoned her to it with him. "Well I probably should g-
"Did you lie?"
She held tight to his departing hand, asking that question with a solemn set to her mouth. It was the one thing she had always wanted to know. The time then though had been all wrong to ask. Now finally she found the courage and resolve.
Arthur stared down at her, halfway off the seat. His face turned to a frown. "What do you mean?"
"Was Morgana the only reason why you came to save me…from Hengist?"
He stopped his movement fully now, seeing so much questioning in her dark brown eyes. Her mouth was set in the most needing expression. He had plenty he wanted to ask her too, like what that handhold meant between her and Lancelot, why had she barely spoken to him when he and Merlin came. He wanted to know why she didn't respond the way he had wanted her to when he came to her rescue. He had imagined it would be wonderful, that he'd just take her into his…
Gwen shivered, not sure of his lack of answer. He showed her so much emotion now, but would he have allowed her to stay if Morgana hadn't said anything? Would he have left her to that fate? She wanted to believe not, but he never told her. He never said it. What the truth was.
Now…she just wanted to hear it.
Words were too far off though. Words were painful from that time. It could mean conversations about Lancelot and he didn't want that. He wanted just one thing. Knew only one solid answer.
"Maybe this will tell you."
Arthur bent down, held around her cheek before finding her back and shoulder with his hands. His lips descended determinedly down to hers. As they touched, both shivered and held tighter. Her own hands grazed at his cheek and to his chest, holding her solidly to him. He backed her so far in the heat of the kiss that he brought her down to the bed's corner. Securely he held at her though as she grasped still at him. Together they stayed with mouths locked, until quietly, with one last tender kiss against her softly used lips, he slowly moved his head away. None of their hands left each other though. Their eyes knew no other view than of each other. No focus in the room went beyond each other.
As Gwen whispered passionately. "It was your idea."
Arthur quietly nodded his head, stroking at her hair now as he felt her small hand move over the front of his shirt. "Of course." He smiled slightly down at her. "I wasn't going to let anything happen to you."
She gazed up at him, coming in with apology. "Arthur, Lance-
But he stopped her. He didn't want to hear it. It was too much. It was hard enough knowing he would enter his room alone this night. With maybe unfulfilled dreams of…
"No. I don't want to hear. Whatever happened with you and…don't tell me Guinevere. It's just you and I right now."
She smiled softly, knowing all the pain she felt, he did too. The moments before with the honey were perfectly fun, but this was the tender secret. This was where it had to be left.
For now.
She reached up and brought his mouth down to hers, kissed him with locked desire. He was right. It was just them. In here. Now.
He grasped her hand when her lips gently left his, and walked her to the door. It was such a simple one, unlike the double heavy ones that greeted even at the front of his living quarters. He stood with her there, finally finding some resolve. "Well, I need to get going."
Those were the words she didn't want to hear, but always knew they would have to be there. "Rest well M…Arthur."
He smiled as she amended her formality. That could be a hopeful sign. Yes? Foolish what this emotion could do to you. What you lingered for. "You too. Goodnight Guinevere."
He didn't wait for her to respond, just found her face with his hands again and kissed her with gentle passion.
As always, they parted in motions that felt so slow. Her lips stayed parted. His eyes couldn't leave hers.
But still he smiled.
And so did she.
As he walked out the door.
And she closed it. "Goodnight Arthur."
The night was dark outside.
Thankfully.
No guards noticed him for some awkward explanation that they would never require of him anyway because of who he was.
The warmth of her lips was still liquid against his mouth.
The left over feel of his kisses teased her mercilessly.
But as both sets of eyes closed heavily this night…
Dreams of what was to be gently soothed.
For she would be his Queen.
And he her King.
When the tender secret finally…
Would be revealed to all.
The End.
Feedback is beautiful. Thank you for reading.
Line: "I thought I'd lost you..." taken directly from the show.
I of course disclaim. Merlin is the property of the BBC.