It all boils down to one quotable phrase; 'If you love something, give it away'
EDIT: Unlocked the entry since most people know by now.
This is a locked entry only because I know Sam still stalks my journal and I don't want to risk her going off and harassing Robby, particularly in the state he's currently in, but I want to get some stuff out now, while it's still raw, I guess.
He and I had a very long talk today. Then basic theme is something that I'd been feeling for months: he is unhappy with himself and his life as it currently is. I'm not going to get into details... the specifics are between the two of us and always will be unless he chooses otherwise. I have a much better understanding now of his behavior throughout our entire relationship, really. Reasons why he took certain actions, said certain things... I wish he had opened up to me sooner, but really, most of the problems he has started long before we ever even met.
I love him more than I can express in words. But I can't go into his head and fight his demons for him. The greatest sign of my love I can give him is to let him go without making it any harder than he's making it on himself and let him do what he needs to do to get his own life sorted out.
At the end of the day, he's only 22. He's still so young and unsure of what he wants in life. He knows that he loves me, but he doesn't know what it really means to him or what he wants from it. Marriage, family, faithfulness... they're concepts he likes in theory, but not things he's ready to commit to now. And honestly, I can't expect him to. He hasn't even graduated college yet. He spent the two years of his life before we dated again being mentally fucked over by a manipulative harpy and he didn't take time to breathe and recover from that before diving head-first into a relationship with me. He's really never NOT been in a relationship since he was about 15. He's never taken the time to find who he is on his own.
He can never be happy with me until he is happy with himself. I have to accept that this is beyond me and just be there to support him any way I can. It's going to hurt like hell, he's going to say nasty things along the way, he's going to sleep with other girls, he's going to do things I don't approve of... but I don't own him. I don't control him. After all is said and done we may not even end up together, but if he's able to find himself in that mess and figure out what he needs to be happy... I really will be happy with that.
This is a locked entry only because I know Sam still stalks my journal and I don't want to risk her going off and harassing Robby, particularly in the state he's currently in, but I want to get some stuff out now, while it's still raw, I guess.
He and I had a very long talk today. Then basic theme is something that I'd been feeling for months: he is unhappy with himself and his life as it currently is. I'm not going to get into details... the specifics are between the two of us and always will be unless he chooses otherwise. I have a much better understanding now of his behavior throughout our entire relationship, really. Reasons why he took certain actions, said certain things... I wish he had opened up to me sooner, but really, most of the problems he has started long before we ever even met.
I love him more than I can express in words. But I can't go into his head and fight his demons for him. The greatest sign of my love I can give him is to let him go without making it any harder than he's making it on himself and let him do what he needs to do to get his own life sorted out.
At the end of the day, he's only 22. He's still so young and unsure of what he wants in life. He knows that he loves me, but he doesn't know what it really means to him or what he wants from it. Marriage, family, faithfulness... they're concepts he likes in theory, but not things he's ready to commit to now. And honestly, I can't expect him to. He hasn't even graduated college yet. He spent the two years of his life before we dated again being mentally fucked over by a manipulative harpy and he didn't take time to breathe and recover from that before diving head-first into a relationship with me. He's really never NOT been in a relationship since he was about 15. He's never taken the time to find who he is on his own.
He can never be happy with me until he is happy with himself. I have to accept that this is beyond me and just be there to support him any way I can. It's going to hurt like hell, he's going to say nasty things along the way, he's going to sleep with other girls, he's going to do things I don't approve of... but I don't own him. I don't control him. After all is said and done we may not even end up together, but if he's able to find himself in that mess and figure out what he needs to be happy... I really will be happy with that.