(no subject)
Damn you White Grape Vodka, you traitorous, treacherous bitch.
I seriously did not see that coming. Cyn had mentioned previously that it was a tasty treat but she said nothing about it being LIKE LICKING THE NIPPLES OF GOD. I made like koolaid with it and that my friends is the last thing I remember. Dammit I went to bed early the other night JUST SO I could be all well rested and ready to annoy Fratman and sort out this boys Fun Guide nonsense and do all sorts of productive things last night.
Oops.
At least we made it to the indoor playground with the boys first, which apparently is the place to be cuz there were all manner of other nifty adults to hang with too. And I generally hate other parents, you mouth breathing, floral print loving, my crotch scars are none of your fucking business bunch of window lickers. Don't tell anyone but I might have actually HAD FUN rolling around in the ball pit with the kids and making like a monkey with Twisty G and rescuing Fitzy from all manner of adorable mishaps he couldn't get himself out of on that giant climbable contraption. 'Course then everyone ran themselves stupid exhausted and twee Fitzy melted down entirely because he simply couldn't carry on and Twisty G couldn't stop coughing and eventually vomitted all over himself and the inside of the van and come to think of it I may just have earned that White Grape Vodka after all...
And now there is a nasty little garden gnome standing on my desk whacking me on the head with a very large object. Repeatedly. I have so many piles of work screaming for my attention at once it's actually kind of funny. Once upon a time Poland coined the phrase Head Down Ass Up for those days at work where you had so much to do you couldn't even come up for air, let alone lunch or anything resembling fun. I've been HDAU since about August I think and the piles are only getting bigger and more urgent. I'm not entirely sure what the shit just happened here but I miss having a life outside of work and home and I miss having time to fart around here and remember there is more to life than THAT FUCKING DOUCHEBAG GNOME BESIDE ME BEATING ME ON THE HEAD. OUCH, OKAY? OUCH!! I GET IT! I HURT AND WILL NEVER DRINK THAT MUCH GRAPE VODKA THAT FUCKING FAST AGAIN. OKAY??
Jeebus.
And Fratboy's still on evenings and so I have to face our first ever Parent Teacher conference alone tonight. I'm strangely nervous on Twisty G's behalf. I know it's only JK and all but it feels too early for one of those smack dab IN YOUR FACE reminders that he is actually his own separate little person over there who I can help and cheerlead and advise but ultimately he is going to fall or fly all on his own. I have these elaborate visions in my head of him all strung out on computer cleaner sniffer slurring that he's 'walking on shunshine' on Intervention mixed with him as this ruthless CEO drunk on money and power interpersed with Twisty G The Garbageman and Twisty G the barista at Starbucks and I have absolutely no idea what is to come. I am one tiny cog in the vast machine of influencers he will have in his life and I'm about to hear from one of them 'outsiders' for the first time and I have no idea if she sees him as a budding serial killer or janitor. Or both. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MY UTERUS AND VAGINA AND HEMORRHOIDS WENT THROUGH TO END UP JUST A TINY COG IN HIS LIFE?!!
I need to lie down.
I seriously did not see that coming. Cyn had mentioned previously that it was a tasty treat but she said nothing about it being LIKE LICKING THE NIPPLES OF GOD. I made like koolaid with it and that my friends is the last thing I remember. Dammit I went to bed early the other night JUST SO I could be all well rested and ready to annoy Fratman and sort out this boys Fun Guide nonsense and do all sorts of productive things last night.
Oops.
At least we made it to the indoor playground with the boys first, which apparently is the place to be cuz there were all manner of other nifty adults to hang with too. And I generally hate other parents, you mouth breathing, floral print loving, my crotch scars are none of your fucking business bunch of window lickers. Don't tell anyone but I might have actually HAD FUN rolling around in the ball pit with the kids and making like a monkey with Twisty G and rescuing Fitzy from all manner of adorable mishaps he couldn't get himself out of on that giant climbable contraption. 'Course then everyone ran themselves stupid exhausted and twee Fitzy melted down entirely because he simply couldn't carry on and Twisty G couldn't stop coughing and eventually vomitted all over himself and the inside of the van and come to think of it I may just have earned that White Grape Vodka after all...
And now there is a nasty little garden gnome standing on my desk whacking me on the head with a very large object. Repeatedly. I have so many piles of work screaming for my attention at once it's actually kind of funny. Once upon a time Poland coined the phrase Head Down Ass Up for those days at work where you had so much to do you couldn't even come up for air, let alone lunch or anything resembling fun. I've been HDAU since about August I think and the piles are only getting bigger and more urgent. I'm not entirely sure what the shit just happened here but I miss having a life outside of work and home and I miss having time to fart around here and remember there is more to life than THAT FUCKING DOUCHEBAG GNOME BESIDE ME BEATING ME ON THE HEAD. OUCH, OKAY? OUCH!! I GET IT! I HURT AND WILL NEVER DRINK THAT MUCH GRAPE VODKA THAT FUCKING FAST AGAIN. OKAY??
Jeebus.
And Fratboy's still on evenings and so I have to face our first ever Parent Teacher conference alone tonight. I'm strangely nervous on Twisty G's behalf. I know it's only JK and all but it feels too early for one of those smack dab IN YOUR FACE reminders that he is actually his own separate little person over there who I can help and cheerlead and advise but ultimately he is going to fall or fly all on his own. I have these elaborate visions in my head of him all strung out on computer cleaner sniffer slurring that he's 'walking on shunshine' on Intervention mixed with him as this ruthless CEO drunk on money and power interpersed with Twisty G The Garbageman and Twisty G the barista at Starbucks and I have absolutely no idea what is to come. I am one tiny cog in the vast machine of influencers he will have in his life and I'm about to hear from one of them 'outsiders' for the first time and I have no idea if she sees him as a budding serial killer or janitor. Or both. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MY UTERUS AND VAGINA AND HEMORRHOIDS WENT THROUGH TO END UP JUST A TINY COG IN HIS LIFE?!!
I need to lie down.