The First Time, Chapter 14
Title: The First Time
Rating: R
A/N: I am so stuffed right now, I'm surprised I have the strength to post this. But what a tasty way to go - death by BBQ pulled pork. Om nom nom. *clears throat* Anyway. Okay, everyone, deep breaths. A few more chapters left, and then I promise to stop picking at the wound. You have my word. But for now, on with the show...
Read Chapter 1 here
Read Chapter 2 here
Read Chapter 3 here
Read Chapter 4 here
Read Chapter 5 here
Read Chapter 6 here
Read Chapter 7 here
Read Chapter 8 here
Read Chapter 9 here
Read Chapter 10 here
Read Chapter 11 here
Read Chapter 12 here
Read Chapter 13 here
Chapter 14
The first time Marta tells her she loves her, Pepa has a meltdown of epic proportions.
They are having a late dinner at a small bistro that Marta found. It’s been a long day, and they’re both in dire need of a glass or two of wine. Marta orders them a bottle, and then reaches across the table to take Pepa’s hand. Their fingers twine together, and Pepa smiles.
“Hard day?” she asks.
Marta nods wearily. “Double shift.”
Pepa winces in sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
Marta shrugs. “Comes with the territory. And anyway, it doesn’t matter now. I’m here. With you.”
“Which makes you fantastically lucky,” Pepa quips with an impish grin.
Marta shakes her head. “Such modesty. Probably one of the reasons I love you.”
Pepa immediately freezes, her eyes locked on Marta’s.
“What did you say?” she asks.
Marta looks confused for a moment as she replays what she just said in her head.
“I...what?....Oh,” she says as it clicks. She smiles tentatively. “I didn’t realize I said that out loud. But,” she takes a deep breath. “I think I just told you I love you.”
The reaction she gets is probably not the one she was hoping for.
Pepa yanks her hand away and stands up so quickly she tips her chair over. By the alarmed way Marta is looking at her, she’s sure the expression on her face is one for the books.
“Pepa, what is it? What’s wrong?!” Marta asks, standing up and trying to move toward her. But Pepa is shaking her head, already backing away toward the door.
“No, please, don’t,” she begs. And before Marta can get to her, she turns and runs full-tilt through the front door and does not look back. If she had, she would have seen Marta standing in the doorway, bleakly watching her as she ran down the street.
Pepa runs until there’s a cramp in her side she can no longer ignore. Coming to a stop, she puts her hands on her knees, catching her breath.
She looks around her, at first not knowing where she is.
And then she orients herself, and knows it’s no accident that in her blind panic, instinct led her here. She begins to walk hurriedly down the street.
She ends up waking Don Lorenzo up from an early bedtime. At least, she thinks she does because he answers his door in his pajamas, robe flapping, with a bewildered, yet irritated expression.
“Pepa!” he exclaims upon seeing her. “Damn it! Why are you pounding on my door like there’s a fucking five-alarm fire outside?!”
Pepa barely registers the typical Castro rant as she blows by him into the apartment. She throws herself onto the couch, immediately putting her head in her hands.
She hears her father-in-law shut the door behind her, and when he speaks again, his voice is a bit softer.
“Pepa, what is it? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asks, coming nearer. Pepa shakes her head vehemently, but she does not even know how to articulate the problem.
Don Lorenzo comes to sit in front of her on the coffee table. Gently, he takes her hands in both of his, and pulls them away from her face.
“Pepa,” his voice now kind. “You’re okay. You’re safe. Tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt?” His eyes sweep over her with concern.
“No, I’m not hurt,” she assures him, her eyes rimmed in red. “I’m the one who hurt someone.”
Don Lorenzo looks alarmed.
“What? Where’s your gun?”
“No,” Pepa hurries to correct him. “Not physically. But I think I really fucked up.”
Don Lorenzo sighs in a way that he expects this might be a long night. Miranda fuck-ups are not new to him.
“Tell me what happened,” he says.
And Pepa knows this was the right place to come. The vice gripping her lungs is loosening. She takes a steadying breath.
“I’ve…I’ve been seeing someone, Don Lorenzo,” she begins tentatively. Despite his encouragement some months ago, she doesn’t know how he’s going to take this news.
“Seeing someone?” he asks.
Despite herself, Pepa manages a lopsided smile.
“Yeah. Um, you know…a woman. A nice woman.”
“Oh,” Don Lorenzo says, sitting up straighter. “Oh.”
“Is that okay?” Pepa asks, not at all sure what the protocol is in this situation.
“Yes, no, I mean, yes, of course it’s okay, Pepa. It’s good,” he reassures her, patting her hand. “So what’s the problem?”
So slowly, Pepa tells him about Marta. He knows who she is by sight in the precinct, but until now, has had no idea that she and Pepa have been dating. Pepa fills in the details for him.
Pepa concludes with the night’s earlier events.
“It was a nice evening and we were having dinner and all of a sudden…she tells me she loves me.”
Don Lorenzo sits up straighter for the second time that night.
“I see,” he says.
“I didn’t know what to do, Don Lorenzo. I wasn’t prepared at all. And I…I panicked. I panicked and I ran and I left her there.” Pepa feels absolutely miserable.
Don Lorenzo takes a deep breath.
“Why did you panic, Pepa?” he asks.
Pepa shakes her head. “I don’t know.”
“Okay,” he says in a reasonable tone. “Let’s back up. Do you like this girl?”
Pepa nods slowly.
“You like spending time with her?”
Another nod.
“Pepa,” he asks gently, leaning forward, “Do you love her?”
Pepa’s head snaps up, her eyes wide. Her mouth opens and closes several times before she speaks.
“I don’t know,” she says at last. Don Lorenzo doesn’t push.
“But you care for her? You’re fond of her?”
Pepa nods again.
“Then tell me the problem, Pepa.”
Pepa’s leg starts to shake as she bounces her heel with nervous energy. She closes her eyes briefly against the tears beginning to form, and then looks up at Don Lorenzo.
“I feel like I’m betraying her, Don Lorenzo,” Pepa barely whispers. “I feel like I’m betraying Silvia.” She begins to cry.
Don Lorenzo looks at her with sadness and tears in his own eyes. He nods and then he pulls her close. And for the second time in Pepa’s life, she cries with this man about their shared loss.
When the tears subside at last, Don Lorenzo pulls back and takes Pepa’s hands firmly in his.
“Pepa,” he says. “If you like this Marta, if you think that she will treat you right and there is a chance of happiness, then you have to take it. Silvia, of all people, would tell you that. She took a chance with you, and those were some of the happiest months of my daughter’s life I ever witnessed. You are not betraying her. In fact, I think she’d be pissed as hell if she knew you had a shot at happiness and didn’t take it.” He smiles slightly. “Let’s not find out if she can come back and do something about it, okay?”
Pepa gives a shaky smile.
“A pissed-off redheaded ghost. That would be something.”
Don Lorenzo chuckles. Pepa does also for a moment and then sobers again.
“But what…what if Marta wants nothing to do with me after tonight? She told me she loved me and I left her.”
Don Lorenzo considers the situation.
“Pepa, you need to talk to her. You need to explain it to her.” Pepa sighs, and Don Lorenzo continues. “Pepa, there’s something about you that’s hard to resist. Even when people want to be angry with you, they can’t. Believe me, I should know. So my guess is Marta isn’t going to let you go quite so easily. Okay?”
Pepa sniffs and nods and smiles slightly at his words. She rises and Don Lorenzo follows.
“Thank you, Don Lorenzo,” Pepa says with genuine gratitude. “Thank you for talking with me. And I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“Pepa,” he answers, guiding her toward the door. “You know that my door will always be open to you. Always.”
Pepa bends down to kiss both his cheeks.
“Okay,” she says, “But I’ll try to call next time before I unleash another crisis.”
Don Lorenzo touches her cheek.
“Goodnight, daughter,” he says affectionately.
“Goodnight,” Pepa answers and steps out into the cool night air, her mind clearer than it has been in a long time.