Hiking and Trudging
I'm going to be whining a lot in this post. A lot.
Possibly more than usual.
I swear this is productive whining though.
Mostly.
Yesterday I went hiking. I've been wanting to go hiking for a while, only I've been terrified to go by myself because of my knee. So Sara sent out a notice on FaceBook about doing an easy hike. We didn't work out what an easy hike meant. I was thinking the Nature Trail at Madera Canyon. What I got was Ventana Canyon's Madien Pools. At first glance it doesn't seem so bad, right?
And then we hit the trail. The map says that it takes about 3 hours. IT LIES!!!
We started out at around 9 and got done about 4:30. Yes, you read that right 7.5 hours. There was about an hour or so where we rested at the pools and various stops along the way. Pretty much double the time. Of course a lot of this was due to how embarrassingly slow I was. And I do mean embarrassingly. My heart would be beating double time trying to go uphill and I had to pick my way slowly down the hills. People passed us going up the hill and then they would pass us again going back down while we were still going up. And there were people running the trail. Yeah, you read that right, running.
I got through the trail based on two things:
1. Sheer stubborness.
2. Goading from Sara.
She was a trooper and didn't belittle me once or attempt to make me go faster. She just encouraged me to keep going.
And thank God for my new trekking poles. They functioned amazingly well. I was able to use them for support and balance. I've got some blisters on my hands, but that's not unexpected.
I am exhausted and sore. My knees are actually not bothering me too much. Yes, I can tell that I pushed them, but it's my muscles in my legs, arms, and chest that are feeling the burn today. I'm chugging down my water and icing my knee and just resting today. It feels glorious.
I've mixed feelings about this hike.
The Good:
I finished the trail. I made it all the way to the end and back. So, I can totally hike other trails. Other easier trails.
Lately I've been going through my March Depression. I'm trying to kick it. I've been taking my supplements, going to bed at a decent hour, exercising, etc. Despite that I've been gaining weight, feeling sluggish, and generally having a big ol' hate-on for myself. This hike just kind of drove home a lot of things for me: I'm slow. I'm out of shape. I may have finished the hike, but I feel like a pathetic lump.
At one point during the hike I wanted to sit down and cry. I was hot and sweaty and slow. Oh the slowness bothered me so freaking much. It was painful to be there. Having to stop constantly. Feeling my heart pounding in my chest like it was going to pop. Watching people pass me.
The sad part is that I was pushing myself for speed. I was going as fast as I could go. And I was still that freaking slow. I hate how slow and weak I am. I don't think that this is the worst shape I've ever been in, but it doesn't feel like I've made any progress.
I finished the hike out of a matter of pride, but I honestly didn't feel so proud once it was done. I want to be better than this. Right now I'm wallowing in a lot of not happy thoughts and feelings. I'm still going. However, it's like autopilot. Keep moving forward and try not to be so actively self-loathing.
Possibly more than usual.
I swear this is productive whining though.
Mostly.
Yesterday I went hiking. I've been wanting to go hiking for a while, only I've been terrified to go by myself because of my knee. So Sara sent out a notice on FaceBook about doing an easy hike. We didn't work out what an easy hike meant. I was thinking the Nature Trail at Madera Canyon. What I got was Ventana Canyon's Madien Pools. At first glance it doesn't seem so bad, right?
And then we hit the trail. The map says that it takes about 3 hours. IT LIES!!!
We started out at around 9 and got done about 4:30. Yes, you read that right 7.5 hours. There was about an hour or so where we rested at the pools and various stops along the way. Pretty much double the time. Of course a lot of this was due to how embarrassingly slow I was. And I do mean embarrassingly. My heart would be beating double time trying to go uphill and I had to pick my way slowly down the hills. People passed us going up the hill and then they would pass us again going back down while we were still going up. And there were people running the trail. Yeah, you read that right, running.
I got through the trail based on two things:
1. Sheer stubborness.
2. Goading from Sara.
She was a trooper and didn't belittle me once or attempt to make me go faster. She just encouraged me to keep going.
And thank God for my new trekking poles. They functioned amazingly well. I was able to use them for support and balance. I've got some blisters on my hands, but that's not unexpected.
I am exhausted and sore. My knees are actually not bothering me too much. Yes, I can tell that I pushed them, but it's my muscles in my legs, arms, and chest that are feeling the burn today. I'm chugging down my water and icing my knee and just resting today. It feels glorious.
I've mixed feelings about this hike.
The Good:
I finished the trail. I made it all the way to the end and back. So, I can totally hike other trails. Other easier trails.
Lately I've been going through my March Depression. I'm trying to kick it. I've been taking my supplements, going to bed at a decent hour, exercising, etc. Despite that I've been gaining weight, feeling sluggish, and generally having a big ol' hate-on for myself. This hike just kind of drove home a lot of things for me: I'm slow. I'm out of shape. I may have finished the hike, but I feel like a pathetic lump.
At one point during the hike I wanted to sit down and cry. I was hot and sweaty and slow. Oh the slowness bothered me so freaking much. It was painful to be there. Having to stop constantly. Feeling my heart pounding in my chest like it was going to pop. Watching people pass me.
The sad part is that I was pushing myself for speed. I was going as fast as I could go. And I was still that freaking slow. I hate how slow and weak I am. I don't think that this is the worst shape I've ever been in, but it doesn't feel like I've made any progress.
I finished the hike out of a matter of pride, but I honestly didn't feel so proud once it was done. I want to be better than this. Right now I'm wallowing in a lot of not happy thoughts and feelings. I'm still going. However, it's like autopilot. Keep moving forward and try not to be so actively self-loathing.