Perspective
Things are still pretty jumbled in my head although I do seem to have a little more perspective. I can't change things that have happened so I have just got to live for the now and the future. Decided to start throwing myself at other projects like getting really fit (aim to have a flat toned tummy in a few months time) and not gain any weight over Christmas. It's tough and my body is hurting a lot from all the training but I am guessing it will stop hurting eventually.
Haven't been out clubbing in well over a month now and to be honest not particularly missing it. I guess I'll have a good time when I'm out guess I'll see.
Heads been all over the place and had a bit of an episode last week which dented me a bit. I hate myself for doing it but sometimes I just can't help myself. It's when you get this build up for pain/anger/hurt and it has to come out but me being a useless cow can't quite verbalize it or even cry sometimes like a normal person so it has to happen in a different way. Problem is - if you cry it's over and done with but I have to live with the effects for several weeks and its a constant reminder of that pain. Very frustrating...maybe I need another way of dealing with stuff but at this minute I don't know what that is.
On plus side Rob has been pretty amazing of late. We seem to have created a little support bubble around each other which is kind of nice. I like to look after him and he likes to look after me and it does help... well at least I think so.
Right, think I'll finish this or add another entry later as I best do some more work. Xx
Haven't been out clubbing in well over a month now and to be honest not particularly missing it. I guess I'll have a good time when I'm out guess I'll see.
Heads been all over the place and had a bit of an episode last week which dented me a bit. I hate myself for doing it but sometimes I just can't help myself. It's when you get this build up for pain/anger/hurt and it has to come out but me being a useless cow can't quite verbalize it or even cry sometimes like a normal person so it has to happen in a different way. Problem is - if you cry it's over and done with but I have to live with the effects for several weeks and its a constant reminder of that pain. Very frustrating...maybe I need another way of dealing with stuff but at this minute I don't know what that is.
On plus side Rob has been pretty amazing of late. We seem to have created a little support bubble around each other which is kind of nice. I like to look after him and he likes to look after me and it does help... well at least I think so.
Right, think I'll finish this or add another entry later as I best do some more work. Xx