the constant struggle with my weight
since i quit smoking oh, what, 12 years ago now (yay, for that i will never regret) my weight steadily went north, until i hit a high that was too, too much. since then i've strugged to get it off with great success, and reasoned failure. at my best calculation i gained at least 70 pounds, probably closer to 80 or more.
in 2006/2007 I lost 50 pounds, and was doing great. then came fertility drugs; they affect everyone differently, and honestly maybe it was the emotional tie, but i ate. and gained. by the time i was pregnant with alex i had gained 19 of that 50 back. i never lost all of my alex pregnancy weight, but with zoe since i didn't gain all that much, today i weigh half a pound less than i did when i got pregnant with her. a victory that i'll take, even if small.
today i sit 61 pounds heavier than i want to be. that's my median, ideally i'd be lower than that. but that's where i want to be. really, to be honest - where i need to be. i want to be healthy for my kids, and set a good example to them. i want to stand up without it being hard. i want to go back to roller derby (i willll not give uppp). i want to hike with husband. i want to be active again. it's sad that i was much more active when i smoked. although don't tell the tobacco companies that, if they could advertise they'd use that.
my knitting group (which i love and is totally awesome) is having a weight loss challenge, and i am doing it too. yes, the yarn prize is nice, but the motivation is really what i'm looking for, to get the ball rolling. so today i will be honest, and admit that i weight 211 pounds, at 5 feet 5 inches. i am heavy and i do not like it. i don't pretend that i carry it well, because even if that's true it's still not what i want. so putting it out there, means i have to lose weight. doesn't it?
i'll pretend it does.
in 2006/2007 I lost 50 pounds, and was doing great. then came fertility drugs; they affect everyone differently, and honestly maybe it was the emotional tie, but i ate. and gained. by the time i was pregnant with alex i had gained 19 of that 50 back. i never lost all of my alex pregnancy weight, but with zoe since i didn't gain all that much, today i weigh half a pound less than i did when i got pregnant with her. a victory that i'll take, even if small.
today i sit 61 pounds heavier than i want to be. that's my median, ideally i'd be lower than that. but that's where i want to be. really, to be honest - where i need to be. i want to be healthy for my kids, and set a good example to them. i want to stand up without it being hard. i want to go back to roller derby (i willll not give uppp). i want to hike with husband. i want to be active again. it's sad that i was much more active when i smoked. although don't tell the tobacco companies that, if they could advertise they'd use that.
my knitting group (which i love and is totally awesome) is having a weight loss challenge, and i am doing it too. yes, the yarn prize is nice, but the motivation is really what i'm looking for, to get the ball rolling. so today i will be honest, and admit that i weight 211 pounds, at 5 feet 5 inches. i am heavy and i do not like it. i don't pretend that i carry it well, because even if that's true it's still not what i want. so putting it out there, means i have to lose weight. doesn't it?
i'll pretend it does.