I'm struggling today with letting you go; fighting it in fact. Peace can not exist where there is conflict, and there is much conflict. Knowing I need to let you go - that you want me to let you go - but my heart will not let me ( Read more... )

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Awoke early for non-prod maintenance and finished before noon. The house skipped church today but Cass' mom sent her a text of her expectations of Cass' day, mostly revolving around running errands for her and doing things complete with an expected timeline of events. The only thing I have to do today is laundry and pack the car. I'll get up when ( Read more... )

Awoke under my own power after 9-hours sleep and began my morning routine. Slowly over time, the rest of the house woke and joined me. Eventually, I was pressed into service to manifest breakfast. I humbly asked for second coffee first, and was given the green-light with this one caveat: "Just no kissing me with coffee breath ( Read more... )

It was an exceedingly slow day at work, and for the first time since I arrived I was completely alone in the house for the majority of the day. Spent most of that (as Cass put it) hyper-fixating on our kiss. Perhaps, but I also took the opportunity to shower and dress for the day. Eventually the girls arrived home, then later, Cass ( Read more... )

Cass missed the first half of the session, so I asked what the difference was between fear and anxiety, as I had always assumed fear was localized while anxiety was unspecified. Tess helped me understand that unlike fear, anxiety manifests itself through elevated heart rate and feelings of dread either generally, or with specific triggers. When I ( Read more... )

Took today off. One of the benefits was sleeping in, as I've only been getting between 4-6 hours a night. Had first coffee in my favorite place in the world - on Cass' back porch - while she ran to get adjusted. When she returned we left for Kaylie's IEP which was far more comprehensive than the ones I've been to in Newton, Kansas. All good things ( Read more... )

Was asleep by midnight and up at 0530. Sipped coffee on the back porch in a sweatshirt as it was quite cool out. Drove Cass to work, then headed back to the house to pick up Kaylie to get her to the bus stop. Despite being early, she was already walking but thank goodness she was wearing the wolf ears she got at Spirit Halloween, because it was the ( Read more... )

As things often turn out here, rather than get to bed before midnight we stayed up talking until 0100. She overslept and got to work late as I began my workday bleary-eyed with surprise OS upgrades ( Read more... )

It's been a day of whirlwind emotions and I don't know why. I think subconsciously I'm processing living the remainder of my life without Cass as a lover, wife, and partner, which may be triggering some fear which is causing me to act slightly out-of-character. None of these are good things when you're working to establish consistency in a new ( Read more... )