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I got a really cool 5 year diary style journal yesterday. It has a question at the top of each page and over the 5 years you keep the diary you will be writing your answer to that question - you will perhaps see in 5 years time how your life has changed and you have changed. Yesterday's question: What question (or questions) do you love to answer? My answer: What kind of jewelry are you working on now? How's your mom doing? Today's question: If you had to spend five years in prison, what would you finally have the chance to do? My answer: Learn how to meditate! And play a musical instrument. Tomorrow's question: What's your favorite piece of clothing? I already know the answer to that - a long black sleeveless dress with flower pattern that I got this summer from Renata. I think I will have fun answering these simple questions and I can see already how they will be changing over the years and as I read the answers I will be taken back to a certain place and time in my life.
Mom seems better - happier (smiled at me this morning) and for the first time since she broke her hip and collar bone 6 weeks ago I have lifted her without using the stupid gait belt and the sling on her left arm, lifted her the way we used to with both her arms up around my neck and my arms under her arms. SO MUCH EASIER!! I can see she has lost a lot of weight in the last few weeks - she is light as a feather. I still think we are in the home stretch here - she is leaving (because her appetite is so slight), but I think things will be better for her since we can lift her easily again and she can sit in her wheelchair some of the time now. Maybe we can go out to the kitchen in the evenings again and I can get caught up on all the TV shows the DVR has been recording! I was thinking about how all this seems to go - like a roller coaster - up and down and my hopes go up and down. When she is doing well I'm happy and hopeful (but at the same time I feel the future weighing on me - when will this be finally over? I am so tired of it!) and when it looks bad like the end is near then I start to cheer her on in my mind to "get out of here", but it is all so very sad too, I will miss her smile and looking into her eyes so much, even though the smiles are rare it makes all this worthwhile. You just can't win.
Mom seems better - happier (smiled at me this morning) and for the first time since she broke her hip and collar bone 6 weeks ago I have lifted her without using the stupid gait belt and the sling on her left arm, lifted her the way we used to with both her arms up around my neck and my arms under her arms. SO MUCH EASIER!! I can see she has lost a lot of weight in the last few weeks - she is light as a feather. I still think we are in the home stretch here - she is leaving (because her appetite is so slight), but I think things will be better for her since we can lift her easily again and she can sit in her wheelchair some of the time now. Maybe we can go out to the kitchen in the evenings again and I can get caught up on all the TV shows the DVR has been recording! I was thinking about how all this seems to go - like a roller coaster - up and down and my hopes go up and down. When she is doing well I'm happy and hopeful (but at the same time I feel the future weighing on me - when will this be finally over? I am so tired of it!) and when it looks bad like the end is near then I start to cheer her on in my mind to "get out of here", but it is all so very sad too, I will miss her smile and looking into her eyes so much, even though the smiles are rare it makes all this worthwhile. You just can't win.