i feel like a downer
Getting ready for Christmas doesn't excite me much. I feel pretty inadequate. Mostly all I can think of to give the kids and grandkids is money. Depressed, but with nothing to pin the depressed feelings on.
I went on a good walk with Jan yesterday at Two Mile Run. It was overcast but there were a few moments that the sun broke through and that seemed like a thrill. The weather is warming and the snow is nearly all gone. The prediction for today is partially sunny.
My plan today is to get the last of the clothes folded and put away, clear off the mail and newspapers from the dining table, pay any bills I might find in the mail and make out checks to charities.
Rossy is sick (stomach ache and very tired) and home from school today - on our couch.
Maybe this is part of the reason I am depressed, or whatever is wrong with me anymore. I feel so angry about what is happening politically. How to let go of it? Should I let go of it? Can being angry ever be good? Could I be angry for 20 minutes while I read the news and then let go of it for the rest of the day and have peace? It's like an undercurrent of doom I feel flowing under everything all the time, bubbling up to remind me of the things that make me angry multiple times a day. I need a retreat. If I could find a way to be outdoors all day, or lose myself in mindless crochet all day, be at my workbench, or just stay off the computer all day cause that is where I read about so much that makes me angry. Maybe I should treat the news like an addiction and not partake of it at all. Abstain. Let the people who can handle this stuff better than me be the ones to take care of it. I am only one in 323 million. Does having me be angry really make anything better? I can have my thoughts, my opinions, my beliefs and express them - that is a good thing. But does my anger do anything good?
One of my favorite slogans is, "Am I living in the problem or am I living in the solution?" Live life (do what is in front of me - stay in the present moment) instead of focusing on my addiction (my anger). I have many things I could do today, to focus on - clean up my house, do art therapy, take care of and be with my people and animals - and practice my flute (something I keep forgetting to do).
More thoughts...
It isn't just my anger that I have a problem with right now. It is my helplessness with aging, weight, loss of strength and vitality, fear of cancer. All the above "solutions" apply to that stuff too.
I went on a good walk with Jan yesterday at Two Mile Run. It was overcast but there were a few moments that the sun broke through and that seemed like a thrill. The weather is warming and the snow is nearly all gone. The prediction for today is partially sunny.
My plan today is to get the last of the clothes folded and put away, clear off the mail and newspapers from the dining table, pay any bills I might find in the mail and make out checks to charities.
Rossy is sick (stomach ache and very tired) and home from school today - on our couch.
Maybe this is part of the reason I am depressed, or whatever is wrong with me anymore. I feel so angry about what is happening politically. How to let go of it? Should I let go of it? Can being angry ever be good? Could I be angry for 20 minutes while I read the news and then let go of it for the rest of the day and have peace? It's like an undercurrent of doom I feel flowing under everything all the time, bubbling up to remind me of the things that make me angry multiple times a day. I need a retreat. If I could find a way to be outdoors all day, or lose myself in mindless crochet all day, be at my workbench, or just stay off the computer all day cause that is where I read about so much that makes me angry. Maybe I should treat the news like an addiction and not partake of it at all. Abstain. Let the people who can handle this stuff better than me be the ones to take care of it. I am only one in 323 million. Does having me be angry really make anything better? I can have my thoughts, my opinions, my beliefs and express them - that is a good thing. But does my anger do anything good?
One of my favorite slogans is, "Am I living in the problem or am I living in the solution?" Live life (do what is in front of me - stay in the present moment) instead of focusing on my addiction (my anger). I have many things I could do today, to focus on - clean up my house, do art therapy, take care of and be with my people and animals - and practice my flute (something I keep forgetting to do).
More thoughts...
It isn't just my anger that I have a problem with right now. It is my helplessness with aging, weight, loss of strength and vitality, fear of cancer. All the above "solutions" apply to that stuff too.