anxiety, being high strung and the mind/body connection
I drew this yesterday morning.
I have always known I was high-strung. And in the last 15 years I have come to know that my mind affects my body and can cause pains here and there (traveling pains). When they gave me this heart monitor last week and told me to note down any pains, events or sensations as I was wearing it they had no idea that with my particular mindset I could turn this into a multitude of anxiety attacks. I have been trying too hard in the last week to feel things - and when I try I can feel all kinds of things - palpitations, heart pounding, missed beats, aches in my left arm. I've mentioned this before but most the time I try to ignore my body's sensations - it's little pains and aches - it is generally not to be trusted. When I walked with Dave on Monday evening we climbed a little hill and my left arm ached, I was out of breath, heart pounding. I did want to continue anyway - just did not want to give up before we had barely started the walk! So we did, but it took a long time to recover from that hill. Dave was worried about me and that made it even worse. Yesterday I walked with Jan (with a better attitude and insight into how I do multiply what I focus on) and I did great - we were both a little out of breath while climbing a hill but that was all and it soon passed. Right now the traveling pain has settled in my left arm, near the elbow - it probably thinks that is the best place to alarm me and get my attention. But at least it has gone from the middle of my chest, which is where it has been ever since I learned I had cancer. Yesterday I noted down nothing in my little heart monitor book - before that I was writing down 6 to 8 things a day. I hope to not put anything in it again today.
Some things I noted down this morning when I looked up anxiety disorder - all pertain to me:
Anyway...
Today is lunch with Nancy day - good.
I also am thinking it's time to set the tent up again for the summer. I love having a tent in the yard to take naps in and hang out in. It's a way to get away but I only need to go a few yards from the house to do it. I think I will take all the sleeping bags to the laundromat and get them freshened up too. Spring is happening and I love it! Love hearing the birds and seeing the baby colors of nature.