Each Step Gets Me Closer To Where I Want To Be
I'm still unsure on how I'm going to be in the coming days. I'm shaken, yes. But somehow, I know that this might be for the best. It's hard to be here at home and be alone. Not for the fact that I'm alone, just because I am so acustomed to having someone here, having Anthony here. It's more of a how to fill the void situation that I'm dealing with. Eventually, there will be nothing left to clean and then how will I fill the void? I've been debating on the idea of starting to just take some time and just let my hands and mind work together and write out all my thoughts. Not on here, but on the laptop or in a notebook. I did this method once before and it did seem to help me find what I was looking for in my head, once I got past the idea that for once I wasn't writing for someoen to read my work. I just don't know what would come of this writing though. I'm not sure what I need to get out of my head. Well... I have an idea of what I want to get out of my head, but sometimes I just don't think that writing it is needed.
That might be something I start tomorrow. It will be an interesting documentation of my thoughts and progress if nothing else. And while I might schoff at the idea of doing it, I know that it will do a lot of good for me. There's been a lot of thoughts floating about in my head, and since I've not been around anyone for the past few days, I haven't had anyone to tell these thoughts to. So I should write them down and just get them out. I know that it's needed. I just need to do it.
I'm still trying to figure out where I go from here. This break up is different then any others that I've had before. I can't really explain why or how, it just is. I'm really beat up by it. I get very angry when I think about it or speak of it. I don't think it has so much to do with actually being mad. I feel that it has more to do with the amount of passion that I still have for him and what we were and it is just taking a lot to adjust to what we are to become when I feel that I'm the only one hurting. And be that as it may, it's just what I feel. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Maybe I'll even start this project tonight. Depends on if I get motivated to type more or not. I'm letting myself just be numb for the evening and it's been working and rather nice as well. Whatever that might mean.
I need to refocus myself... get back to the basics. Find my center again, and aim to better myself once more. It's time for me to stop letting what people think about me take a toll on me. I know what I feel to be true and if certain people want to attack me for it or don't believe it when I say what I feel, then I need to get to a point where I can just keep on walking without missing a beat.
It's time.
That might be something I start tomorrow. It will be an interesting documentation of my thoughts and progress if nothing else. And while I might schoff at the idea of doing it, I know that it will do a lot of good for me. There's been a lot of thoughts floating about in my head, and since I've not been around anyone for the past few days, I haven't had anyone to tell these thoughts to. So I should write them down and just get them out. I know that it's needed. I just need to do it.
I'm still trying to figure out where I go from here. This break up is different then any others that I've had before. I can't really explain why or how, it just is. I'm really beat up by it. I get very angry when I think about it or speak of it. I don't think it has so much to do with actually being mad. I feel that it has more to do with the amount of passion that I still have for him and what we were and it is just taking a lot to adjust to what we are to become when I feel that I'm the only one hurting. And be that as it may, it's just what I feel. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Maybe I'll even start this project tonight. Depends on if I get motivated to type more or not. I'm letting myself just be numb for the evening and it's been working and rather nice as well. Whatever that might mean.
I need to refocus myself... get back to the basics. Find my center again, and aim to better myself once more. It's time for me to stop letting what people think about me take a toll on me. I know what I feel to be true and if certain people want to attack me for it or don't believe it when I say what I feel, then I need to get to a point where I can just keep on walking without missing a beat.
It's time.