I Walk Down The Street And There's No One There, But The Pavement's One Big Crowd
Well, I went in for my first full day of work today. Went pretty well. I can tell that I will get somewhat bored with and have to remind myself to take a break every now and then otherwise I won't be able to keep focus on the screen and what I'm doing. Today also just wasn't a great day overall.
The breakup is taking it's toll on me and that was something that I had running through my mind a lot while I was there. Also the fact that Chandler had said that he'd call me the last time we'd talked with was friday night, and when I finally turned my phone back on(I had it off for a day or two) there wasn't so much as a call or fucking text from him, yet alone anyone and that did put me in a bit of a mood.
One of my co-workers gave me a ride home, which was so nice, since I didn't really feel like taking the bus all the way home. I messaged Chandler telling him that I was going to be watching Ricky Bobby tonight and if he wanted he could come watch with me. He implied that he would but had to get some things taken care of. Then Anthony called me. He wanted to know how much money he owed for the phone and I told him 120$. Then he told me that he was going over to Chandler's place. I got a bit upset with this, and the fact that I'd seen on his myspace page that I was being refered to as an "old perv." I brought up the fact that he wants to be friends, but he won't even respect me in the slightest. He shot back by saying that I've been talking shit about him, which I haven't. Telling him that today was the first time I'd even gotten on a computer and that was mainly because when I'm at work it's all computer based he fired that it's because I've spent the last few days in self-pity.
I don't know where that leaves me. I mean, it really pissed me off, but I tried to contain myself. I messaged Chandler saying that he didn't have to worry about coming over since it seemed he was busy. He said he was taking care of errands then could swing up, to which I shot back with something about how I can see how Anthony is more important than me, but not to worry because I would be, as Anthony put it, "wollowing in self-pity." To which now I've heard nothing in almost an hour and a half. So I don't know what is going on.
I'm not really upset with either of them. Well, I'm a little upset with Anthony for just being so confontational with me. But I'm more hurt by Chandler. Mainly because he just has seemed like what I'm dealing with isn't that big of an issue to him. And in truth, maybe it isn't. But I just feel like I am being overlooked in this, or that I'm an after thought in the scheme of things. It really hurt when I found out that Anthony was heading over to Chandler's and then to have Chandler tell me that he had to take care of errands before he would come hang here. And it's almost becoming a slap in the face that he hasn't even bothered to call me almost two hours after I sent him my last message. I'm just feeling lonely, and I'm dealing with that, I mean, the kitchen is clean and I'm feeling that I might even tackle the bathroom(which isn't that bad) and my bedroom(which isn't bad at all) to keep busy and at least feel productive.
I don't know. It's just hitting me really hard. And I feel that, now that I do need someone to lean on, no one is around.
I'm sure Anthony would say that I deserve what is taking place, and maybe I do. Maybe this is the result of how I've treated others and acted when they are in need. Maybe turn-about is indeed Fair Play. Only time will tell.
The breakup is taking it's toll on me and that was something that I had running through my mind a lot while I was there. Also the fact that Chandler had said that he'd call me the last time we'd talked with was friday night, and when I finally turned my phone back on(I had it off for a day or two) there wasn't so much as a call or fucking text from him, yet alone anyone and that did put me in a bit of a mood.
One of my co-workers gave me a ride home, which was so nice, since I didn't really feel like taking the bus all the way home. I messaged Chandler telling him that I was going to be watching Ricky Bobby tonight and if he wanted he could come watch with me. He implied that he would but had to get some things taken care of. Then Anthony called me. He wanted to know how much money he owed for the phone and I told him 120$. Then he told me that he was going over to Chandler's place. I got a bit upset with this, and the fact that I'd seen on his myspace page that I was being refered to as an "old perv." I brought up the fact that he wants to be friends, but he won't even respect me in the slightest. He shot back by saying that I've been talking shit about him, which I haven't. Telling him that today was the first time I'd even gotten on a computer and that was mainly because when I'm at work it's all computer based he fired that it's because I've spent the last few days in self-pity.
I don't know where that leaves me. I mean, it really pissed me off, but I tried to contain myself. I messaged Chandler saying that he didn't have to worry about coming over since it seemed he was busy. He said he was taking care of errands then could swing up, to which I shot back with something about how I can see how Anthony is more important than me, but not to worry because I would be, as Anthony put it, "wollowing in self-pity." To which now I've heard nothing in almost an hour and a half. So I don't know what is going on.
I'm not really upset with either of them. Well, I'm a little upset with Anthony for just being so confontational with me. But I'm more hurt by Chandler. Mainly because he just has seemed like what I'm dealing with isn't that big of an issue to him. And in truth, maybe it isn't. But I just feel like I am being overlooked in this, or that I'm an after thought in the scheme of things. It really hurt when I found out that Anthony was heading over to Chandler's and then to have Chandler tell me that he had to take care of errands before he would come hang here. And it's almost becoming a slap in the face that he hasn't even bothered to call me almost two hours after I sent him my last message. I'm just feeling lonely, and I'm dealing with that, I mean, the kitchen is clean and I'm feeling that I might even tackle the bathroom(which isn't that bad) and my bedroom(which isn't bad at all) to keep busy and at least feel productive.
I don't know. It's just hitting me really hard. And I feel that, now that I do need someone to lean on, no one is around.
I'm sure Anthony would say that I deserve what is taking place, and maybe I do. Maybe this is the result of how I've treated others and acted when they are in need. Maybe turn-about is indeed Fair Play. Only time will tell.