Body, Drama, the Usual
Dear God, don't bring my voices back. Dear God, don't ever let me look in the mirror at my body anymore. Dear God, just...fix it. Just please fix my body.
Totally loved those kids on Friday at the drama workshop. They were great, really chatty and up for everything and the exercises actually worked! The kids were good! They were so enthusiastic, for which I am forever grateful and the feedback was fantastic. "When can we do another one?" and "I learnt so much!" which was really touching. Oh my God, one of the kids though, messaged me saying that her grandmother died this weekend and she's so cut up about it. Incredibly mature, I have no idea how her parents were able to prepare her so well for it, but she's such a star. I just hope she's OK, it sounded just awful. It'd be great if she could come to counselling.
But yeah. My Mum's gone away again, which isn't cool and we're packing up the bloody house for builders, so there is really...very little to our house, at the mo. Nothing on the walls, no ornaments, no books in downstairs rooms. It's getting more and more bunker-ish. Pretty soon we'll have to learn how to use the oven in the caravan. We're so beatnik, no? :)
Fucking annoyed at myself. I snacked too much and it got me paranoid and I looked at my body in the mirror (which I just haven't done since the last episode- it's weird going through life only really knowing what you look like from the neck up) Mistake. I've messed up my body good and proper by being anorexic then Snack Queen because it means I have full on cellulite- my body stopped growing when it didn't have enough nutrients to do so and I've never grown a millimetre taller since then, but it also means that my skin stretches terribly. No matter how much exercise I do, it only seems to get worse. Yeah, I've got abs SOMEWHERE under there. No, this isn't a plea for "OMG, ur so skinneh, ur not fat", it's just...frustrating, you know? I can't prove to the voices that I'm decent looking. My face is just about holding up to scrutiny but I wonder if that'll last if I fall down this slippry slope again for an enlivening week.
Anyway, nightey night, all.
Totally loved those kids on Friday at the drama workshop. They were great, really chatty and up for everything and the exercises actually worked! The kids were good! They were so enthusiastic, for which I am forever grateful and the feedback was fantastic. "When can we do another one?" and "I learnt so much!" which was really touching. Oh my God, one of the kids though, messaged me saying that her grandmother died this weekend and she's so cut up about it. Incredibly mature, I have no idea how her parents were able to prepare her so well for it, but she's such a star. I just hope she's OK, it sounded just awful. It'd be great if she could come to counselling.
But yeah. My Mum's gone away again, which isn't cool and we're packing up the bloody house for builders, so there is really...very little to our house, at the mo. Nothing on the walls, no ornaments, no books in downstairs rooms. It's getting more and more bunker-ish. Pretty soon we'll have to learn how to use the oven in the caravan. We're so beatnik, no? :)
Fucking annoyed at myself. I snacked too much and it got me paranoid and I looked at my body in the mirror (which I just haven't done since the last episode- it's weird going through life only really knowing what you look like from the neck up) Mistake. I've messed up my body good and proper by being anorexic then Snack Queen because it means I have full on cellulite- my body stopped growing when it didn't have enough nutrients to do so and I've never grown a millimetre taller since then, but it also means that my skin stretches terribly. No matter how much exercise I do, it only seems to get worse. Yeah, I've got abs SOMEWHERE under there. No, this isn't a plea for "OMG, ur so skinneh, ur not fat", it's just...frustrating, you know? I can't prove to the voices that I'm decent looking. My face is just about holding up to scrutiny but I wonder if that'll last if I fall down this slippry slope again for an enlivening week.
Anyway, nightey night, all.