(no subject)

[earthly_being]

the march moves inescapably, unceasingly, sometimes inopportunely, forward. college is becoming more and more of a reality. i am definitely going to augsburg with a full tuition scholorship. that makes me happy. but i find that some small part of me is beginning to dislike the idea of leaving some of the things behind that i know i will have to abandon. it's an odd feeling, that of being torn between one world and the next. it is an unknown that i don't know whether i am going to like at all. michele and i have decided that we will stay together but how long is that? after high school will she really want anything to do with me. there doesn't seem to be an indication of her not being hapy but one just never knows. there are happy things though. michele...we are happy together of course, but there is always that fear of not knowing, especially with me. i finished sending out the emails and an unexpected happening...well happened. i was surfing live journal and just on a whim decided to check cassie's journal. i don't know why i did...only that i did. what i read there didn't neccisarily give me a feeling of happiness, more a sense of...well perhaps a sense of hope. she had been in the bahamas when i sent the email but when she got back she posted about it. i never expected her to read it, let alone allow it to have any affect on her. though i didn't deserve even a first look she gave it a second. i still do not expect to recieve any sort of forgivness becasue i don't deserve it, but at least i know that she remembers me, and some part of her, perhaps some part of her, remembers the freind she had even as she remebers the freind she lost. thank you cassie, for giving me a sense of peace. the world is a beatutiful place, one needs only to let oneself see it.
live long prosper and may god be with you all
josh