Sep 27, 2005 08:37
well, i accomplished making a couple phone calls that i wasn't too sure about making. but i was somehow moved to.
i called mocha up, bitched him out on his voicemail for leaving a emssage on mine that was entirely self-centered and assholish. he called back and left a message on mine profusely apologizing (he did this three times) and said that he was concerned for my well-being, and that's why he left that message, that it was about me being okay and making sure nothing bad had happened to me but how he could understand how i mistakened that for him being a prick. sorry, i dont believe that bit of crap though. i think he was pissed i wasnt calling him and he got the attitude. genuine concern for someone comes through in your voice. THAT was NOT concern. bleh. whatever. let by gones be by gones.
then i called up mike last night. for some reason i felt like i had to do it, like it was the right time and the right thing to do. i think God decided the two of us had accomplished what we needed to to set our lives straight. so i called him up and he said that after he finally stopped seeing this girl who was completely neurotic he started praying honestly and realized what it was he had done to me and apologized profusely (i love not having to admit wrong-doing!) and i apologized for maybe over reacting to what had happened on that day, but i also told him i did what i had to do and had i not stopped talking to him for 6 weeks he never wouldve changed and he agreed. he said he could tell i was practically screaming for alone time and he didnt get it, and that hes trying to be better now and he appreciated me not giving up on him. i told him as a christian i cant hold a grudge, and every bible study and service ive gone to in the last two weeks has been about forgiveness. lol. GOd was telling me it was time. and it was good. honestly, i believe he has changed, and even though im still not happy with him, he deserves a chance to prove it, cuz ive forgiven people for much worse things, and if it werent for that moment i never wouldve gone out on my own and gotten back to myself. i wouldve been stuck in a very submissive mindset.
then i decided to try and call jay from haven. accidentally called jay from bible study, whom i have a hard time talking to, but last night i ended up talking to him for an hour! it was a really really good conversation and we actually connected for once, and he was so happy that i called him, it really made his night, cuz we hadnt talked in a while and i kept breaking our plans a couple months ago. so it made me happy to know how happy i made him, even though it was inadvertant, but i guess he had been having a rough time and he really wanted to talk to someone from bible study, but no one was calling him back and he hadnt tried to get a hold of me. i'm telling you, God has a weird way of making things work out!
so i asked jay what his other number was (cuz there were 3 jays in my phone) and i called the other jay. we talked for over an hour, it was cool. and funny, he talks as much as i do, but we apparently have a good deal in common and he doesnt get any weird vibes from me, says he wont even talk to people at haven who make him feel anything like they might be not good people to know, and he was pleasantly surprised that i called. i guess he wont be there tonight cuz of work, but he'll be there next week. maybe ill call him this weeked.
what an excellent day off. im very happy right now :o)
and i dont like to admit im wrong. i just call it changing my mind. thats what i told mike. he laughed