(no subject)
This American Life focused on "The Sanctity of Marriage" tonight. The first act of the show had the host, Ira Glass, talking with some marriage counsellors from Seattle. The counsellors/researchers observe a couple for about 15 minutes, as they discuss their problems. Essentially, the couple has a fight in front of a video camera. After breaking the video down, the counsellors can guess, with astonishingly high rates of accuracy, whether the marriage will succeed or fail.
I was heartened to hear one of the "successful" couples on tape, fighting, because they fought rather like Elizabeth and I did last night. The counsellors say that when you're excited, and your heart rate is high, you don't listen to people. You don't process anything. You just keep repeating your opinion. So basically, it's best to let yourself get excited, then stop having the fight for a few minutes and try to be nice to one another. Make jokes to diffuse the situation, and later go back and discuss the disagreement.
That's pretty much what we did last night.
Within relationships, what are your fights like?
I was heartened to hear one of the "successful" couples on tape, fighting, because they fought rather like Elizabeth and I did last night. The counsellors say that when you're excited, and your heart rate is high, you don't listen to people. You don't process anything. You just keep repeating your opinion. So basically, it's best to let yourself get excited, then stop having the fight for a few minutes and try to be nice to one another. Make jokes to diffuse the situation, and later go back and discuss the disagreement.
That's pretty much what we did last night.
Within relationships, what are your fights like?