I'm fucking for virginity's sake
Recently I've felt compelled to write/talk about "virginity." I'm so glad that I never gave much respect to the notion of virginity since now I realize it's a socially constructed piece of bullshit.
The idea that this act somehow changes you is silly. It's interesting how we have these so called "pinnacles" or markers of transition in our society and we really expect to be somehow changed by them. The day I turned 18 my mother walked into my room, sang "Happy Birthday" off-key and asked me if I felt different/older. I didn't. I didn't morph into Super Ebbie able to leap tall buildings, discern between dogs & real men, go faster than a speeding blahblah... And none of this occurred in the month and change prior when I had sex for the first time either. The earth kept turning. I satisfied my curiosity and didn't do it again for like another year and change. Aside from the demons sucking my soul out of my body everything was status quo. And speaking of demons...
The notion of purity and innocence connected to one act is absurd. I never thought this made sense. And it's sad that this silliness now has little girls so confused about sex that they rationalize and create "sub-genres" instead seeing sex as what it is. Sex is not a symbol of your youth. Sex is not a moment that changes you from sweet little innocent child to dirty hobag. It is an act of intimacy between two people...that involves genitals. Elevating intercourse and devaluing oral sex does not change the fact that you have had sex. And I'm sorry to break it to you, but "saving yourself" by not having vaginal penetration while sucking off the whole football team doesn't exactly make that halo shine, chica. Say it with me "Sex is SEX."
FUCK "virginity." If someone has gone down on you, you have had sex. If you have gone down one someone else, you have had sex. If you have had anal sex, guess what, muthafucka? You have had sex!
I can't completely blame them though because we live in a culture where "virginity" is seen a some virtuous trait. Like you've earned stripes being a virgin. Which is funny since being a "virgin" only entails a LACK of doing something. It's not like you have to work hard at it, master it like a craft, train and go to school and get a Bachelor's of Virginity Arts. (BVA, if you will). You literally have to do nothing. You have to be lacking in experience. This is neither something to rejoice nor to look at with disdain. It simply is.
I don't even wanna get too deep into the notion of being "born again." As if you can erase your past and undo previous acts. Stupidity. It's one thing to pledge celibacy for whatever personal reasons one may have, but to claim to be a "born again virgin" as if you died and reincarnated as someone who is JUST like you, but hasn't had sex... may actually be even dumber than it sounds. Why not just say "from this point on I'm not going near any one else's stuff"? Because to do that you'd have to acknowledge a previous sexual past and that would make you dirty!
Yeah, I don't wanna go too deep into that. It might make me angry....
I grew up in a house where the word "penis" was treated like a curse. Though I am grateful that despite the horrible messages I was sent from the media and our culture overall, the messages from my parents were not restrictive. At least not to the point that I had such silly notions about sex, was so confused about it and clung so tightly to the notion of being "pure" that I couldn't even see logic staring me in the face. We didn't have the most open relationship regarding discussions of sex, but I also didn't have meaningless social mores based on nothing crammed down my throat either. I do hope intend to have more frank, educational discussions about sex with my kids. Because Sex Ed is definitely the key. Whether you agree with me about where the problem stems from, you have to agree that there is sexual dilemma in our society. Sex Ed is the only cure.
The idea that this act somehow changes you is silly. It's interesting how we have these so called "pinnacles" or markers of transition in our society and we really expect to be somehow changed by them. The day I turned 18 my mother walked into my room, sang "Happy Birthday" off-key and asked me if I felt different/older. I didn't. I didn't morph into Super Ebbie able to leap tall buildings, discern between dogs & real men, go faster than a speeding blahblah... And none of this occurred in the month and change prior when I had sex for the first time either. The earth kept turning. I satisfied my curiosity and didn't do it again for like another year and change. Aside from the demons sucking my soul out of my body everything was status quo. And speaking of demons...
The notion of purity and innocence connected to one act is absurd. I never thought this made sense. And it's sad that this silliness now has little girls so confused about sex that they rationalize and create "sub-genres" instead seeing sex as what it is. Sex is not a symbol of your youth. Sex is not a moment that changes you from sweet little innocent child to dirty hobag. It is an act of intimacy between two people...that involves genitals. Elevating intercourse and devaluing oral sex does not change the fact that you have had sex. And I'm sorry to break it to you, but "saving yourself" by not having vaginal penetration while sucking off the whole football team doesn't exactly make that halo shine, chica. Say it with me "Sex is SEX."
FUCK "virginity." If someone has gone down on you, you have had sex. If you have gone down one someone else, you have had sex. If you have had anal sex, guess what, muthafucka? You have had sex!
I can't completely blame them though because we live in a culture where "virginity" is seen a some virtuous trait. Like you've earned stripes being a virgin. Which is funny since being a "virgin" only entails a LACK of doing something. It's not like you have to work hard at it, master it like a craft, train and go to school and get a Bachelor's of Virginity Arts. (BVA, if you will). You literally have to do nothing. You have to be lacking in experience. This is neither something to rejoice nor to look at with disdain. It simply is.
I don't even wanna get too deep into the notion of being "born again." As if you can erase your past and undo previous acts. Stupidity. It's one thing to pledge celibacy for whatever personal reasons one may have, but to claim to be a "born again virgin" as if you died and reincarnated as someone who is JUST like you, but hasn't had sex... may actually be even dumber than it sounds. Why not just say "from this point on I'm not going near any one else's stuff"? Because to do that you'd have to acknowledge a previous sexual past and that would make you dirty!
Yeah, I don't wanna go too deep into that. It might make me angry....
I grew up in a house where the word "penis" was treated like a curse. Though I am grateful that despite the horrible messages I was sent from the media and our culture overall, the messages from my parents were not restrictive. At least not to the point that I had such silly notions about sex, was so confused about it and clung so tightly to the notion of being "pure" that I couldn't even see logic staring me in the face. We didn't have the most open relationship regarding discussions of sex, but I also didn't have meaningless social mores based on nothing crammed down my throat either. I do hope intend to have more frank, educational discussions about sex with my kids. Because Sex Ed is definitely the key. Whether you agree with me about where the problem stems from, you have to agree that there is sexual dilemma in our society. Sex Ed is the only cure.