What Words Can't Do [4/4]
Title:What Words Can't Do [4/4]
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo
Word Count: 12,292
Disclaimer: I am so cheesy. Sorry.
Summary: Things are always the same for Kai. Day after day, his life has been the same for as long as he could remember. The psychiatric ward he grew up in the only place he has ever known, Kai is stuck in the vicious cycle of routine, everything uniform and immutable. Until the arrival of his new nurse, Do Kyungsoo. And suddenly things aren't so predictable or unchanging, and they are definitely not the same.
It was the slight droning noise that woke Kyungsoo up, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was just the shower running; he had thought it really was raining. He heard the shower stop and then after a few moments, the bathroom door finally creaked open. Kyungsoo pulled the covers up and pretended to sleep, not wanting Kai to know he was up yet. He heard more shuffling near the bed so he cracked one of his eyes open, curious as to what Kai could be doing. He stiffened in the bed when he saw the younger was walking around their room without a towel on. He closed his eyes tight again, hoping Kai hadn’t noticed him move. For a while it was silent, and he heard the ruffling of papers and turning of pages, the occasional scratching of a pencil against paper. What was he doing? He opened one eye a little again. And then he felt breathing on his face, and both of his eyes shot open, only to see Jongin’s face a mere inch from his.
“I know you're up. Did you have fun watching me in all my naked glory hmm? All you have to do is just ask.” His words were hot against his skin, and his breath smelled faintly of toothpaste.
It was too early for this, so it was no surprise Kyungsoo’s brain couldn’t handle this closeness so early in the morning.
“Shut up! You’re the one walking around nude. I don’t want to see anything anyways.”
Kai ignored him, and leaning back, he announced, “Eww you have morning breath.”
Kyungsoo blushed and covered his mouth, remembering that he had just gotten up and hadn’t brushed his teeth yet.
“If you don’t like it, then don’t be near me!” Kyungsoo muffled from behind his hands.
“It’s ok, I don’t care.” Kai gave him a smile before moving Kyungsoo’s hand, and then giving him a kiss. It was a short kiss, sweet and minty, the spearmint taste still lingering on Kyungsoo’s lips even after Kai had pulled away.
“You wanted to cuddle with me last night, huh?” Kai teased as he sat down on his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo.
“No! That’s just how I sleep. I can’t help it.”
Kai’s face twisted into a smirk. “I was still awake when you got into bed.”
Kyungsoo turned red again.
“Kyungsoo-ah, if you want something, you need to ask, ok? How am I supposed to give you anything if you don’t ask?” he shook his head at Kyungsoo disapprovingly.
“It’s embarrassing though.” Kyungsoo muttered from under the covers, where he had crawled to hide the redness of his cheeks.
“It’s not embarrassing. I’ll do anything you tell me to.” Kai pulled the covers down, exposing Kyungsoo, so he could look right at him as he talked.
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Why?” Kyungsoo finally sat up so he was at eye level with Kai.
“You know why.” Kai mumbled shyly, and it was weird to see Kai shy about anything.
Kyungsoo liked it.
“I don’t know why.” He cocked his head to right a little, feigning innocence.
Kai narrowed his eyes. “You know why.”
“Nope. You’ll have to remind me.” Kyungsoo bantered playfully.
“Pfft. I guess you’ll never know then.” Kai got off the bed and wandered back into the bathroom, leaving Kyungsoo hanging.
“Aww no fun.” Kyungsoo grumbled, finally rolling out of bed.
**
And of course, just like Kyungsoo had feared, it was raining.
It was a light sprinkle, a drizzle at most, but it was obvious it had been raining a lot harder earlier. He already knew what to expect, but Kyungsoo still checked to see if the amusement park was open anyways, because hey, you never know.
And it wasn’t.
Kyungsoo hadn’t come up with any plan B. What were they going to do now? There wasn’t anything to do at the motel.
Well, they could always jus-
NO. Kyungsoo shuddered a little, recalling how just kissing Kai made him a pile of mush.
With a sorrowful face, he turned to Kai and broke the bad news to him, “I’m sorry Kai. I really wanted to take you. I should have checked the weather more carefully.” He averted his eyes from Kai’s, not wanting to see the younger's disappointment.
“It’s ok. I’m still having fun just being here with you.” Kai assures him truthfully.
“What do you we do now?” Kyungsoo dares to peek at Kai’s face, and is relieved to see a thoughtful grin on his face.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about this place.” Kai shrugs.
“We could always walk around the city?” Kyungsoo suggests.
Kai nods in agreement, and Kyungsoo hopes he still remembers his way around city-it had been almost two years since he had left the city, and more than one since he had become Kai’s nurse.
He smiles as he thinks about the years to come.
**
Luck was not on their side, and it began to pour rain as soon as they had gotten out of the Taxi, leaving them to make a mad dash for the nearest form of shelter. They were on the outskirts of town, and the nearest place they could find was a lonely and wet playground, the pavilion conveniently big enough for the both of them to huddle under just as the rain started to pick up even more.
Kyungsoo shivered, his hair soggy and his shirt soppy, and he was regretting the decision to wear a thin sweater in such terrible weather.
Kai pulled Kyungsoo under his jacket, wrapping them both up in the heat of his coat that he had thankfully remembered to pull on before leaving their room.
“You’re going to get wet.” Kyungsoo starts to tug away from Kai.
“You’re going to get sick.” He retorts, pulling him in closer.
And soon they are at a tug of war, Kyungsoo pulling out, and Kai pulling him in.
Kyungsoo pulls away a bit to hard on one such occasion, and he is sent hurdling out into the rain that had now slowed to a steady pummel.
“Aish. So much for staying dry.” Kyungsoo moans from outside the pavilion, his semi-dry sweater became thoroughly soaked again.
Kai runs out from under the pavilion to join him, and he sticks his tongue out, trying to catch the falling condensation. Kyungsoo laughs at the sight, because he had missed seeing the innocent side of Kai.
“Who needs to stay dry? It’s a lot more fun out here.” Kai declares, facing the sky and twirling around gracefully, and Kyungsoo can’t help but think that Kai would be an amazing dancer with the proper training.
Kai starts pulling him over the playscape before he has the chance to say anything.
“Let’s play Kyungsoo-ah” Kai pushes Kyungsoo over to one of the slides, and then he sits down behind him, pushing them forward until they’re tumbling down the long twisted slide, so slick with water that they end up in a heap at the bottom. They’re both a mess on the ground, their clothes muddy and rain sodden and their drenched hair clumps to their faces.
And they laugh, laugh until their breathless because this was not what they had planned, and not what they had wanted, but this was what being alive was all about.
The feeling of nature, harsh and beautiful, the nothingness tying you down, the playful joy of being with someone you loved, not knowing what to expect, everything unpredictable and new.
And they didn’t need an amusement park or carnival to have fun, because they had each other, and what else did they need?
**
Kyungsoo doesn’t even care about his dumb sweater anymore as he rolls into the puddle of murky brown liquid next to him (he wasn’t particularly fond of the navy blue sweater anyways, but he had worn it because he remembered Kai saying he liked the color once).
“Come push me!” Kai calls from the swing set.
Kyungsoo looked up from the puddle of mystery liquid he was lying in, and he was hoping it was just water, even if he didn’t paticularly like this sweater.
Feeling lazy, Kyungsoo manages to literally drag himself over to the swing set, worming his way to where Kai’s legs dangled. Kai rolls his eyes, telling him how he was ruining his sweater. Kyungsoo is amused at Kai’s hope in saving the earth caked fabric (because he was right, Kai really did like this sweater!). He finally heaves himself up, using Kai for support, and Kai impatiently demands again for Kyungsoo to push him.
So Kyungsoo does just that, pushing Kai up, propelling Kai up into the arms of the weeping sky above. Kai let’s his legs hang freely, and he leans back, feeling the air and rain hit his face. And the smile that adorns his face is real, and that light that Kyungsoo has seen only a handful of times is back, and Jongin is happy again, the life alive again, and he looks free, as if the world was all just at the his fingertips.
“Look, you’re flying Jongin.” Kyungsoo shouts over the pounding rain, remembering his promise.
Kai’s eye widen a little, because he had forgotten about it, about the childish promise that a nurse that had made to him once upon a time. And a broken laugh leaves his throat because nobody remembered their promises to Kim Jongin, not even Kai himself.
“Yea, I guess I am huh?” Kai spreads both of his arms out, as if he was a bird now, and Kyungsoo pushes him back towards the skies again, harder this time, as if Kai really could fly.
“You are.” Kyungsoo smiles at Kai even if he can’t see it, and he feels this is all incredibly cheesy, as if it belonged in some chick-flick, because Do Kyungsoo’s life was never this exciting, or interesting; this was too abnormal, too out of the ordinary to be happening. But that’s not true, he realizes, because it does belong, it is right. Kim Jongin
was no longer just a patient at a mental hospital, and Do Kyungsoo was no longer just a nurse; no, they were two foolish boys that had finally found their purpose for existing, their reason for being. And Kyungsoo didn’t care if he was crazy, or if he would he to take care of this boy for the rest of his life because he didn’t want just four legged animals at his deathbed, and he didn’t want to just go through the boring todays and tomorrows alone. He wanted to do it with Kai, Kim Jongin, and he wanted to do it until he got to ripe old age of 60 or 70, and it was time for him to retire, so he could go home to the waiting arms of Kai, curling up next to him every night until the day they left their bodies behind, finally going to their forever.
“This is so cheesy.” Kai rasps, and if it wasn’t for the rain, Kyungsoo would have thought Kai was crying.
“You’re the one who said you wanted to fly.”
“I didn’t think you would remember.” I didn’t think anybody would ever remember, he adds silently.
“I remember everything about you.”
Kai only replies quietly with, “So cheesy.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t respond because the words are stuck in his throat now, so instead, he just pushes Kai up again, back into the sky that was just starting to clear up, its pale blue and puffy white clouds finally starting to color it once more.
**
How they manage to make it back to the room is a miracle to Kyungsoo. They had somehow controlled themselves on the way back from the playground, and the Taxi driver kept shooting them dirty looks in the rearview mirror every time Kyungsoo made an embarrassingly loud noise when Kai touched him just right, Kai’s lips traveling along his jaw, his neck, grazing his earlobes, hands wandering about Kyungsoo’s body. The normally self-conscious nurse forgot about the world, his mind only thinking about Kai. About the way Kai smelled, the way he burned when Kai lingered in one place for too long, and the ride in the Taxi seemed to take five times longer than it had the first time.
Kyungsoo doesn’t remember paying the taxi driver, his only recollection of the event was someone-it must have been Kai- handing the unhappy driver his dues, before he drove off angrily.
They stumble down the halls, hands never leaving the other, and when they finally get into their room, Kai pushes Kyungsoo against the first wall he can find. The pain in his back doesn’t register as Kai hungrily kisses Kyungsoo, both of them desperate for more, for it to never stop. Because it was right here, right in each other’s arms. Yes, it was where they belonged, where they fit perfectly, where they were meant to be.
This time Kyungsoo isn’t nervous when Kai pulls him toward the bed. He isn’t nervous when Kai inches his shirt up, until it’s over his head and on the floor. He isn’t nervous when Kai takes his shirt off immediately after, revealing the smooth tan abs that lay underneath, the very ones he had been dreaming about for months now. He isn’t nervous as Kai begins to kiss him, starting from his head…but he feels his pulse pick up as Kai makes his way down, slowly trailing kisses wherever he can… and by the time Kai’s hands are undoing the buttons to his pants his heart is racing, and his breathing has become irregular. Kyungsoo squirms in anticipation, and Kai pauses to look up at the older, want and desire thick in his brown eyes. Kyungsoo loves it, loves this feeling of excitement, of want-no, need, and soon he is impatient. Kyungsoo was by no means a virgin, but as for Kai, he wasn’t sure. How far has Kai gone? (With who? Where?) Has he ever been kissed by anyone else? (Surely a boy of such looks has been kissed before…right?) Has Kim Jongin ever had…sex? (This thought does not entertain Kyungsoo’s attention for long; imaging Jongin having sex with someone else just ruined the mood)
“Ah. Kai, Kai hold on.” Kyungsoo tries to control his breathing a little, to stop it from becoming obvious he was a little too eager.
Kai looks up at him from where he had been kissing and stroking the skin near his navel, dangerously close to other places.
“What?” He hums, continuing on with his business.
“Uh. Have you…done this before?” Kyungsoo hopes he hasn’t ruined the mood.
“This…you mean, had sex?”
“Sure.”
“Oh. Yea. A few times actually. Most of them willingly too.” Kai murmurs against the expanse of milky white skin, and his hands are ghosting over the heat burning between his legs.
“Wait, what do you mean ‘most of them’?” Kyungsoo sits up, moving out of Kai’s grip.
“Yea. Some of them were my choice. My decision. Because I wanted to, I guess.” Kai attempts to push Kyungsoo down again.
“And the others?”
A beat passes before Kai responds. “I wasn’t really old enough to know what was happening anyways.” He shrugs.
Kyungsoo stares at him.
“That’s it? You’ve been…taken advantage of and you just shrug it off?” Kyungsoo feels anger starting to build up inside. The very image of a some young nurse, using Jongin, whose eye’s sparkled and shone with a glint of something magical, made Kyungsoo sick to the stomach. It was for their pleasure and their enjoyment. Why did it matter anyways? No harm would be done, right? And what could this boy-the one with those beautiful eyes, and the ignorance of the world-do about it?
Because of course, he was crazy. He who killed his parents, his own family, yes him. Why should he deserve anything, anything at all?
This same boy, who had been locked away for years, and it probaby hadn't taken long for his eyes to darken, any radiance it once had gone, as he realized he was caged; the hospital not a home, but a prison.
“Kim Jongin, STOP.”
Kai stops, and stiffly sits up on the bed.
“What?” Kai asks cautiously.
“I’m going to take you out of the hospital. To come live with me.”
Kai begins laughing, but it is so dry and fake, it sounds more like choking.
“Take me out of the hospital? Me? That is cute, very cute.” He spits out between laughs.
“I’m not joking.” Kyungsoo gives him a hard look. Why is he laughing? Does he not want to be free? Does he want to stay in that cursed hos-
“What makes you think that they will let a crazy person out into the world? The real world. Your world.” Kai’s voice is all venom now, and there is no trace of the arousal from before.
“You aren’t crazy.” Kyungsoo finally says, for it had been on his mind for a while now. He had to let him know. He needed to know.
Kyungsoo is afraid when Kai laughs this time.
“What do you mean I’m not crazy? Are you trying to say that they have been telling me a lie all these years? That the very thing they have been telling from the beginning isn’t true? That the reason why I can’t leave, can’t love, can’t be happy is all a lie?” Kai demands through clenched teeth.
“It’s not true. I know it’s not true. Kim Jongin is not crazy.” Kyungsoo answers with a steady voice.
More choking laughter leaves Kai’s throat.
“And how do you know that I’m not crazy? Hmm, Nurse Do? Is it because I held you like this?” He grabs Kyungsoo roughly, slipping his arms around his waist. “Is it because I kissed you, and pretended to be innocent? Pretended to be sane?"
“But I know you weren’t pre-”
Kai shoves Kyungsoo down forcefully, and his hands wrap around Kyungsoo’s neck. It's almost like it's fate, the way Kai's hands fit perfectly around Do Kyngsoo's neck, as if they were meant for each other. And then he starts squeezing, causing Kyungsoo to do some choking of his own.
A strangled noise makes its way to Kyungsoo’s lips. The air was leaving his lungs now…
“And how about now? Are you still sure I’m not crazy?” Kai challenges him, looking him straight in the eyes, and then he begins to squeeze a little harder.
“Not crazy.” It comes out barely audible.
Kai squeezes a little harder.
Kyungsoo’s eyes begin to water.
Air. He needs air.
“What? I can’t hear you over your choking.” Kai goads.
Kyungsoo feels himself slipping. But he doesn’t change his mind, because he was sure of it.
“Do you still want to save me? To be with me? Somebody crazy?” He continues to taunt.
“I love you. Even if you kill me, I’ll still love you.” Kyungsoo knows it will be the last thing he can manage to say before he is swept away by the blackness that was surely coming now-
Until Kai loosens his grip. His hands go limp, falling awkwardly to his sides.
“Why?”
Air rushes into his trachea, and Kyungsoo’s chest expands painfully, his oxygen-deprived lungs greedily taking in as much they can.
A pause. Kyungsoo breathes, dizzy from the sudden intake of too much oxygen.
“Because. Because I love you more than I have ever loved anything before. More than my job. More than all my ex-boyfriends and girlfriends put together. Hell, probably more than my parents.” Kyungsoo’s voice is gaining strength now, his breathing almost back to normal.
“But why? Why would you-” Kai is cut off by Kyungsoo.
“I’m not done talking yet. I’ve seen it. The beautiful everything that you are. The perfectness of your being here. It doesn’t matter what they told you. Because it’s not true. Nobody can tell you what you are. You are who you are. Nobody can take away your happiness, your joy. People will try to tell what you are. And you might listen to them. But you can’t. I won’t let you. I-I’ve seen it. I-” Kyungsoo can’t breathe again, this time, because he can’t find the words to say what he needs, to show Kim Jongin that he wasn’t what they said he was. That he was himself, and nobody can tell him otherwise-
“You know, you’re just as crazy as me.” Kyungsoo is no longer looking at Kai, but rather at Kim Jongin, the boy with those stupidly wonderful eyes that are glassy now, tears threatening to spill out.
Kyungsoo gives a halfhearted smile, his eyes are glassy too and his vision is beginning to blear. “Aren’t we all kind of crazy anyways?”
**
Sniffle.
“Did you mean it?” Jongin whispers a little while later.
“Mean what?”
“That you would take me away.”
“Yes. I meant every word of it.” He pulls the younger one closer to his chest.
“I…I want to leave. Will you save me?” He almost whimpers.
“Yes, I will.”
**
The rest of their trip was uneventful to say the least, but Kyungsoo is satisfied with seeing Jongin content, and more importantly, hopeful.
“So, how was your trip? Do anything fun?” Sehun waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
“Of course that’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
“Well I mean things seemed pretty intense when I left…”
“I will have you know that we most certainly did n-” Kyungsoo starts to defend himself.
“Did more than you could ever dream about doing with Luhan.” Kai intervenes, a grin plastered on his face.
“HEY. We have done it so many times, you don’t even want to know!” Sehun bursts out, quick to jump to his own defense.
“YAH, SEHUN-AH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?” Luhan runs over, slapping Sehun hard on the bicep. He had just so happened to be standing behind him as he made his declaration, and his face burned with embarrassment. He liked to keep his sex life to himself, thank you very much.
“They act is if I never even stood a chance at having se-” Luhan ignores Sehun’s protests and drags him back to the car, bitching his loud mouth boyfriend out the entire way.
The remaining two burst out laughing, exchanging a knowing glance, one that suggested some truth to Sehun's previous accusations.
**
Epilogue
It was exactly 3 years after Do Kyungsoo had become Kai’s nurse that Kim Jongin was discharged from the hosptial he had grown up in. The paper work had been long and tedious, and it things had seemed impossible at first. An ongoing argument that went on for months. A war that was waged for what seemed like an endless amount of time.
But it was over, and at the end of it all, at the end of the battle, Do Kyungsoo left the hosptial too, no longer a nurse, and Kim Jongin no longer a patient.
**
It was exactly 1 year and 2 days after Kim Jongin had first flown on a rainy day in a park that he finally flew for real.
The plane was headed for the United States of America, where he and Kyungsoo would be moving to start their new life, in the new house that was waiting on the other side of the body of churning water. Where their new life would take them, he wasn’t certain. And it wasn’t the same, and it wasn’t part of the “always”. It was brand new, and strange and scary.
Jongin loves it.
**
Their home is a modest place; A pale yellow one that was not too big, and not too small, but just right. It lays on cliff about a mile from the ocean, and Jongin loves it. He loves the fresh salty breeze that drifts in through their window every morning, and the crashing of the waves is melodious, a sweet harmony he loves more and more every day. But it’s Kyungsoo's sweet voice that Jongin loves the most. It is full of warmth, saftey, security, and love. It is the the sound that he still remembers loud and clear, the one that had drifted down the gray halls and had sent shivers down his back. The singing makes him comfortable, at peace-at home.
Home.
Kim Jongin smiles.
He was finally at home.
A/N: WOW I FINISHED IT. SORRY IT'S SO CHEESY AND ANGSTY. AT LEAST KAISOO HAD HAPPY ENDING YES?
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo
Word Count: 12,292
Disclaimer: I am so cheesy. Sorry.
Summary: Things are always the same for Kai. Day after day, his life has been the same for as long as he could remember. The psychiatric ward he grew up in the only place he has ever known, Kai is stuck in the vicious cycle of routine, everything uniform and immutable. Until the arrival of his new nurse, Do Kyungsoo. And suddenly things aren't so predictable or unchanging, and they are definitely not the same.
It was the slight droning noise that woke Kyungsoo up, and he breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was just the shower running; he had thought it really was raining. He heard the shower stop and then after a few moments, the bathroom door finally creaked open. Kyungsoo pulled the covers up and pretended to sleep, not wanting Kai to know he was up yet. He heard more shuffling near the bed so he cracked one of his eyes open, curious as to what Kai could be doing. He stiffened in the bed when he saw the younger was walking around their room without a towel on. He closed his eyes tight again, hoping Kai hadn’t noticed him move. For a while it was silent, and he heard the ruffling of papers and turning of pages, the occasional scratching of a pencil against paper. What was he doing? He opened one eye a little again. And then he felt breathing on his face, and both of his eyes shot open, only to see Jongin’s face a mere inch from his.
“I know you're up. Did you have fun watching me in all my naked glory hmm? All you have to do is just ask.” His words were hot against his skin, and his breath smelled faintly of toothpaste.
It was too early for this, so it was no surprise Kyungsoo’s brain couldn’t handle this closeness so early in the morning.
“Shut up! You’re the one walking around nude. I don’t want to see anything anyways.”
Kai ignored him, and leaning back, he announced, “Eww you have morning breath.”
Kyungsoo blushed and covered his mouth, remembering that he had just gotten up and hadn’t brushed his teeth yet.
“If you don’t like it, then don’t be near me!” Kyungsoo muffled from behind his hands.
“It’s ok, I don’t care.” Kai gave him a smile before moving Kyungsoo’s hand, and then giving him a kiss. It was a short kiss, sweet and minty, the spearmint taste still lingering on Kyungsoo’s lips even after Kai had pulled away.
“You wanted to cuddle with me last night, huh?” Kai teased as he sat down on his side of the bed, wrapping his arms around Kyungsoo.
“No! That’s just how I sleep. I can’t help it.”
Kai’s face twisted into a smirk. “I was still awake when you got into bed.”
Kyungsoo turned red again.
“Kyungsoo-ah, if you want something, you need to ask, ok? How am I supposed to give you anything if you don’t ask?” he shook his head at Kyungsoo disapprovingly.
“It’s embarrassing though.” Kyungsoo muttered from under the covers, where he had crawled to hide the redness of his cheeks.
“It’s not embarrassing. I’ll do anything you tell me to.” Kai pulled the covers down, exposing Kyungsoo, so he could look right at him as he talked.
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“Why?” Kyungsoo finally sat up so he was at eye level with Kai.
“You know why.” Kai mumbled shyly, and it was weird to see Kai shy about anything.
Kyungsoo liked it.
“I don’t know why.” He cocked his head to right a little, feigning innocence.
Kai narrowed his eyes. “You know why.”
“Nope. You’ll have to remind me.” Kyungsoo bantered playfully.
“Pfft. I guess you’ll never know then.” Kai got off the bed and wandered back into the bathroom, leaving Kyungsoo hanging.
“Aww no fun.” Kyungsoo grumbled, finally rolling out of bed.
**
And of course, just like Kyungsoo had feared, it was raining.
It was a light sprinkle, a drizzle at most, but it was obvious it had been raining a lot harder earlier. He already knew what to expect, but Kyungsoo still checked to see if the amusement park was open anyways, because hey, you never know.
And it wasn’t.
Kyungsoo hadn’t come up with any plan B. What were they going to do now? There wasn’t anything to do at the motel.
Well, they could always jus-
NO. Kyungsoo shuddered a little, recalling how just kissing Kai made him a pile of mush.
With a sorrowful face, he turned to Kai and broke the bad news to him, “I’m sorry Kai. I really wanted to take you. I should have checked the weather more carefully.” He averted his eyes from Kai’s, not wanting to see the younger's disappointment.
“It’s ok. I’m still having fun just being here with you.” Kai assures him truthfully.
“What do you we do now?” Kyungsoo dares to peek at Kai’s face, and is relieved to see a thoughtful grin on his face.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything about this place.” Kai shrugs.
“We could always walk around the city?” Kyungsoo suggests.
Kai nods in agreement, and Kyungsoo hopes he still remembers his way around city-it had been almost two years since he had left the city, and more than one since he had become Kai’s nurse.
He smiles as he thinks about the years to come.
**
Luck was not on their side, and it began to pour rain as soon as they had gotten out of the Taxi, leaving them to make a mad dash for the nearest form of shelter. They were on the outskirts of town, and the nearest place they could find was a lonely and wet playground, the pavilion conveniently big enough for the both of them to huddle under just as the rain started to pick up even more.
Kyungsoo shivered, his hair soggy and his shirt soppy, and he was regretting the decision to wear a thin sweater in such terrible weather.
Kai pulled Kyungsoo under his jacket, wrapping them both up in the heat of his coat that he had thankfully remembered to pull on before leaving their room.
“You’re going to get wet.” Kyungsoo starts to tug away from Kai.
“You’re going to get sick.” He retorts, pulling him in closer.
And soon they are at a tug of war, Kyungsoo pulling out, and Kai pulling him in.
Kyungsoo pulls away a bit to hard on one such occasion, and he is sent hurdling out into the rain that had now slowed to a steady pummel.
“Aish. So much for staying dry.” Kyungsoo moans from outside the pavilion, his semi-dry sweater became thoroughly soaked again.
Kai runs out from under the pavilion to join him, and he sticks his tongue out, trying to catch the falling condensation. Kyungsoo laughs at the sight, because he had missed seeing the innocent side of Kai.
“Who needs to stay dry? It’s a lot more fun out here.” Kai declares, facing the sky and twirling around gracefully, and Kyungsoo can’t help but think that Kai would be an amazing dancer with the proper training.
Kai starts pulling him over the playscape before he has the chance to say anything.
“Let’s play Kyungsoo-ah” Kai pushes Kyungsoo over to one of the slides, and then he sits down behind him, pushing them forward until they’re tumbling down the long twisted slide, so slick with water that they end up in a heap at the bottom. They’re both a mess on the ground, their clothes muddy and rain sodden and their drenched hair clumps to their faces.
And they laugh, laugh until their breathless because this was not what they had planned, and not what they had wanted, but this was what being alive was all about.
The feeling of nature, harsh and beautiful, the nothingness tying you down, the playful joy of being with someone you loved, not knowing what to expect, everything unpredictable and new.
And they didn’t need an amusement park or carnival to have fun, because they had each other, and what else did they need?
**
Kyungsoo doesn’t even care about his dumb sweater anymore as he rolls into the puddle of murky brown liquid next to him (he wasn’t particularly fond of the navy blue sweater anyways, but he had worn it because he remembered Kai saying he liked the color once).
“Come push me!” Kai calls from the swing set.
Kyungsoo looked up from the puddle of mystery liquid he was lying in, and he was hoping it was just water, even if he didn’t paticularly like this sweater.
Feeling lazy, Kyungsoo manages to literally drag himself over to the swing set, worming his way to where Kai’s legs dangled. Kai rolls his eyes, telling him how he was ruining his sweater. Kyungsoo is amused at Kai’s hope in saving the earth caked fabric (because he was right, Kai really did like this sweater!). He finally heaves himself up, using Kai for support, and Kai impatiently demands again for Kyungsoo to push him.
So Kyungsoo does just that, pushing Kai up, propelling Kai up into the arms of the weeping sky above. Kai let’s his legs hang freely, and he leans back, feeling the air and rain hit his face. And the smile that adorns his face is real, and that light that Kyungsoo has seen only a handful of times is back, and Jongin is happy again, the life alive again, and he looks free, as if the world was all just at the his fingertips.
“Look, you’re flying Jongin.” Kyungsoo shouts over the pounding rain, remembering his promise.
Kai’s eye widen a little, because he had forgotten about it, about the childish promise that a nurse that had made to him once upon a time. And a broken laugh leaves his throat because nobody remembered their promises to Kim Jongin, not even Kai himself.
“Yea, I guess I am huh?” Kai spreads both of his arms out, as if he was a bird now, and Kyungsoo pushes him back towards the skies again, harder this time, as if Kai really could fly.
“You are.” Kyungsoo smiles at Kai even if he can’t see it, and he feels this is all incredibly cheesy, as if it belonged in some chick-flick, because Do Kyungsoo’s life was never this exciting, or interesting; this was too abnormal, too out of the ordinary to be happening. But that’s not true, he realizes, because it does belong, it is right. Kim Jongin
was no longer just a patient at a mental hospital, and Do Kyungsoo was no longer just a nurse; no, they were two foolish boys that had finally found their purpose for existing, their reason for being. And Kyungsoo didn’t care if he was crazy, or if he would he to take care of this boy for the rest of his life because he didn’t want just four legged animals at his deathbed, and he didn’t want to just go through the boring todays and tomorrows alone. He wanted to do it with Kai, Kim Jongin, and he wanted to do it until he got to ripe old age of 60 or 70, and it was time for him to retire, so he could go home to the waiting arms of Kai, curling up next to him every night until the day they left their bodies behind, finally going to their forever.
“This is so cheesy.” Kai rasps, and if it wasn’t for the rain, Kyungsoo would have thought Kai was crying.
“You’re the one who said you wanted to fly.”
“I didn’t think you would remember.” I didn’t think anybody would ever remember, he adds silently.
“I remember everything about you.”
Kai only replies quietly with, “So cheesy.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t respond because the words are stuck in his throat now, so instead, he just pushes Kai up again, back into the sky that was just starting to clear up, its pale blue and puffy white clouds finally starting to color it once more.
**
How they manage to make it back to the room is a miracle to Kyungsoo. They had somehow controlled themselves on the way back from the playground, and the Taxi driver kept shooting them dirty looks in the rearview mirror every time Kyungsoo made an embarrassingly loud noise when Kai touched him just right, Kai’s lips traveling along his jaw, his neck, grazing his earlobes, hands wandering about Kyungsoo’s body. The normally self-conscious nurse forgot about the world, his mind only thinking about Kai. About the way Kai smelled, the way he burned when Kai lingered in one place for too long, and the ride in the Taxi seemed to take five times longer than it had the first time.
Kyungsoo doesn’t remember paying the taxi driver, his only recollection of the event was someone-it must have been Kai- handing the unhappy driver his dues, before he drove off angrily.
They stumble down the halls, hands never leaving the other, and when they finally get into their room, Kai pushes Kyungsoo against the first wall he can find. The pain in his back doesn’t register as Kai hungrily kisses Kyungsoo, both of them desperate for more, for it to never stop. Because it was right here, right in each other’s arms. Yes, it was where they belonged, where they fit perfectly, where they were meant to be.
This time Kyungsoo isn’t nervous when Kai pulls him toward the bed. He isn’t nervous when Kai inches his shirt up, until it’s over his head and on the floor. He isn’t nervous when Kai takes his shirt off immediately after, revealing the smooth tan abs that lay underneath, the very ones he had been dreaming about for months now. He isn’t nervous as Kai begins to kiss him, starting from his head…but he feels his pulse pick up as Kai makes his way down, slowly trailing kisses wherever he can… and by the time Kai’s hands are undoing the buttons to his pants his heart is racing, and his breathing has become irregular. Kyungsoo squirms in anticipation, and Kai pauses to look up at the older, want and desire thick in his brown eyes. Kyungsoo loves it, loves this feeling of excitement, of want-no, need, and soon he is impatient. Kyungsoo was by no means a virgin, but as for Kai, he wasn’t sure. How far has Kai gone? (With who? Where?) Has he ever been kissed by anyone else? (Surely a boy of such looks has been kissed before…right?) Has Kim Jongin ever had…sex? (This thought does not entertain Kyungsoo’s attention for long; imaging Jongin having sex with someone else just ruined the mood)
“Ah. Kai, Kai hold on.” Kyungsoo tries to control his breathing a little, to stop it from becoming obvious he was a little too eager.
Kai looks up at him from where he had been kissing and stroking the skin near his navel, dangerously close to other places.
“What?” He hums, continuing on with his business.
“Uh. Have you…done this before?” Kyungsoo hopes he hasn’t ruined the mood.
“This…you mean, had sex?”
“Sure.”
“Oh. Yea. A few times actually. Most of them willingly too.” Kai murmurs against the expanse of milky white skin, and his hands are ghosting over the heat burning between his legs.
“Wait, what do you mean ‘most of them’?” Kyungsoo sits up, moving out of Kai’s grip.
“Yea. Some of them were my choice. My decision. Because I wanted to, I guess.” Kai attempts to push Kyungsoo down again.
“And the others?”
A beat passes before Kai responds. “I wasn’t really old enough to know what was happening anyways.” He shrugs.
Kyungsoo stares at him.
“That’s it? You’ve been…taken advantage of and you just shrug it off?” Kyungsoo feels anger starting to build up inside. The very image of a some young nurse, using Jongin, whose eye’s sparkled and shone with a glint of something magical, made Kyungsoo sick to the stomach. It was for their pleasure and their enjoyment. Why did it matter anyways? No harm would be done, right? And what could this boy-the one with those beautiful eyes, and the ignorance of the world-do about it?
Because of course, he was crazy. He who killed his parents, his own family, yes him. Why should he deserve anything, anything at all?
This same boy, who had been locked away for years, and it probaby hadn't taken long for his eyes to darken, any radiance it once had gone, as he realized he was caged; the hospital not a home, but a prison.
“Kim Jongin, STOP.”
Kai stops, and stiffly sits up on the bed.
“What?” Kai asks cautiously.
“I’m going to take you out of the hospital. To come live with me.”
Kai begins laughing, but it is so dry and fake, it sounds more like choking.
“Take me out of the hospital? Me? That is cute, very cute.” He spits out between laughs.
“I’m not joking.” Kyungsoo gives him a hard look. Why is he laughing? Does he not want to be free? Does he want to stay in that cursed hos-
“What makes you think that they will let a crazy person out into the world? The real world. Your world.” Kai’s voice is all venom now, and there is no trace of the arousal from before.
“You aren’t crazy.” Kyungsoo finally says, for it had been on his mind for a while now. He had to let him know. He needed to know.
Kyungsoo is afraid when Kai laughs this time.
“What do you mean I’m not crazy? Are you trying to say that they have been telling me a lie all these years? That the very thing they have been telling from the beginning isn’t true? That the reason why I can’t leave, can’t love, can’t be happy is all a lie?” Kai demands through clenched teeth.
“It’s not true. I know it’s not true. Kim Jongin is not crazy.” Kyungsoo answers with a steady voice.
More choking laughter leaves Kai’s throat.
“And how do you know that I’m not crazy? Hmm, Nurse Do? Is it because I held you like this?” He grabs Kyungsoo roughly, slipping his arms around his waist. “Is it because I kissed you, and pretended to be innocent? Pretended to be sane?"
“But I know you weren’t pre-”
Kai shoves Kyungsoo down forcefully, and his hands wrap around Kyungsoo’s neck. It's almost like it's fate, the way Kai's hands fit perfectly around Do Kyngsoo's neck, as if they were meant for each other. And then he starts squeezing, causing Kyungsoo to do some choking of his own.
A strangled noise makes its way to Kyungsoo’s lips. The air was leaving his lungs now…
“And how about now? Are you still sure I’m not crazy?” Kai challenges him, looking him straight in the eyes, and then he begins to squeeze a little harder.
“Not crazy.” It comes out barely audible.
Kai squeezes a little harder.
Kyungsoo’s eyes begin to water.
Air. He needs air.
“What? I can’t hear you over your choking.” Kai goads.
Kyungsoo feels himself slipping. But he doesn’t change his mind, because he was sure of it.
“Do you still want to save me? To be with me? Somebody crazy?” He continues to taunt.
“I love you. Even if you kill me, I’ll still love you.” Kyungsoo knows it will be the last thing he can manage to say before he is swept away by the blackness that was surely coming now-
Until Kai loosens his grip. His hands go limp, falling awkwardly to his sides.
“Why?”
Air rushes into his trachea, and Kyungsoo’s chest expands painfully, his oxygen-deprived lungs greedily taking in as much they can.
A pause. Kyungsoo breathes, dizzy from the sudden intake of too much oxygen.
“Because. Because I love you more than I have ever loved anything before. More than my job. More than all my ex-boyfriends and girlfriends put together. Hell, probably more than my parents.” Kyungsoo’s voice is gaining strength now, his breathing almost back to normal.
“But why? Why would you-” Kai is cut off by Kyungsoo.
“I’m not done talking yet. I’ve seen it. The beautiful everything that you are. The perfectness of your being here. It doesn’t matter what they told you. Because it’s not true. Nobody can tell you what you are. You are who you are. Nobody can take away your happiness, your joy. People will try to tell what you are. And you might listen to them. But you can’t. I won’t let you. I-I’ve seen it. I-” Kyungsoo can’t breathe again, this time, because he can’t find the words to say what he needs, to show Kim Jongin that he wasn’t what they said he was. That he was himself, and nobody can tell him otherwise-
“You know, you’re just as crazy as me.” Kyungsoo is no longer looking at Kai, but rather at Kim Jongin, the boy with those stupidly wonderful eyes that are glassy now, tears threatening to spill out.
Kyungsoo gives a halfhearted smile, his eyes are glassy too and his vision is beginning to blear. “Aren’t we all kind of crazy anyways?”
**
Sniffle.
“Did you mean it?” Jongin whispers a little while later.
“Mean what?”
“That you would take me away.”
“Yes. I meant every word of it.” He pulls the younger one closer to his chest.
“I…I want to leave. Will you save me?” He almost whimpers.
“Yes, I will.”
**
The rest of their trip was uneventful to say the least, but Kyungsoo is satisfied with seeing Jongin content, and more importantly, hopeful.
“So, how was your trip? Do anything fun?” Sehun waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
“Of course that’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
“Well I mean things seemed pretty intense when I left…”
“I will have you know that we most certainly did n-” Kyungsoo starts to defend himself.
“Did more than you could ever dream about doing with Luhan.” Kai intervenes, a grin plastered on his face.
“HEY. We have done it so many times, you don’t even want to know!” Sehun bursts out, quick to jump to his own defense.
“YAH, SEHUN-AH, WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?” Luhan runs over, slapping Sehun hard on the bicep. He had just so happened to be standing behind him as he made his declaration, and his face burned with embarrassment. He liked to keep his sex life to himself, thank you very much.
“They act is if I never even stood a chance at having se-” Luhan ignores Sehun’s protests and drags him back to the car, bitching his loud mouth boyfriend out the entire way.
The remaining two burst out laughing, exchanging a knowing glance, one that suggested some truth to Sehun's previous accusations.
**
Epilogue
It was exactly 3 years after Do Kyungsoo had become Kai’s nurse that Kim Jongin was discharged from the hosptial he had grown up in. The paper work had been long and tedious, and it things had seemed impossible at first. An ongoing argument that went on for months. A war that was waged for what seemed like an endless amount of time.
But it was over, and at the end of it all, at the end of the battle, Do Kyungsoo left the hosptial too, no longer a nurse, and Kim Jongin no longer a patient.
**
It was exactly 1 year and 2 days after Kim Jongin had first flown on a rainy day in a park that he finally flew for real.
The plane was headed for the United States of America, where he and Kyungsoo would be moving to start their new life, in the new house that was waiting on the other side of the body of churning water. Where their new life would take them, he wasn’t certain. And it wasn’t the same, and it wasn’t part of the “always”. It was brand new, and strange and scary.
Jongin loves it.
**
Their home is a modest place; A pale yellow one that was not too big, and not too small, but just right. It lays on cliff about a mile from the ocean, and Jongin loves it. He loves the fresh salty breeze that drifts in through their window every morning, and the crashing of the waves is melodious, a sweet harmony he loves more and more every day. But it’s Kyungsoo's sweet voice that Jongin loves the most. It is full of warmth, saftey, security, and love. It is the the sound that he still remembers loud and clear, the one that had drifted down the gray halls and had sent shivers down his back. The singing makes him comfortable, at peace-at home.
Home.
Kim Jongin smiles.
He was finally at home.
A/N: WOW I FINISHED IT. SORRY IT'S SO CHEESY AND ANGSTY. AT LEAST KAISOO HAD HAPPY ENDING YES?