truth and consequences
It seems like in many ways that the ideal consequences for a child are natural consequences, ie, consequences that arise directly as a result of the child's actions and show the child why the action is the wrong action. The trouble is that natural consequences are so unpredictable.
The ideal situation would be that some mild but seriously unpleasant event occurs with no serious long-term repercussions. An example of that would be a child running at the pool, slipping, and getting skinned knees. That's a suitably painful and serious (and likely to be remembered) self-punishment for disobeying the warning not to run where it's slippery, but skinned knees don't last that long in childhood, and there'll be no long-term damage.
The trouble with that is that you're definitely not guaranteed that result. The child could slip and fall into deep water, or hit his/her head and get a concussion. Or on the other hand, the child could completely get away with running by the pool without any negative natural consequence whatsoever, which would reinforce the idea that mama, dad and the lifeguard are totes uptight about the whole thing and can be safely ignored.
And for a lot of other things, the natural consequence would not come into play until a lot later. Really this is the problem with a lot of negative behaviors we have as adults. We don't get any immediate natural consequence for stuff like failing to exercise right away, but only much later.
I think what appeals to me so much about the ideal of natural consequences is twofold: I don't have to be the bad guy, and the universe is affirming my dictums. Both are extremely appealing because I think most parents at the very least don't enjoy imposing negative consequences, and probably many are like me in hating trying to figure out the right approach, so there is something so appealing about that getting taking out of your hands. Secondly, especially with my daughter's age group, so much that I say must seem so arbitrary. Why, Pippa must think sometimes, can I run around on the grass over here, but when I try to cross this hard stuff to the grass over there, Mama won't let me? I sometimes wish there could be a way that the universe could show her why it's so dangerous to run into the street... without her actually being in danger. That's the catch, of course.
I don't know what I'm doing yet really regarding discipline. I got The Happiest Toddler on the Block out from the library after having had it recommended from several different places.
The key thing we're struggling with is biting. Pippa doesn't hit or shove (please don't let me be jinxing myself), but she has just always been a biter. I jinxed myself at toddler group by saying that I was frustrated that my discipline technique for biting had worked for biting while nursing but wasn't working for other biting. Suddenly now Pippa is biting while nursing again, which she hasn't done for months. I don't know if this is because of her molars coming in or what. Only one has erupted (just a few days ago), but the other three are on the verge of it.
As long as I'm getting parenting decision angst off my chest, a potty training query to parents who've been there. [Potty details behind spoiler cut, click to read.]Specifically how to deal with a fear/refusal/inability to use an adult toilet in a public restroom or other house? We've had several times where Pippa signals a need to go, but balks at the adult-sized toilet.
The ideal situation would be that some mild but seriously unpleasant event occurs with no serious long-term repercussions. An example of that would be a child running at the pool, slipping, and getting skinned knees. That's a suitably painful and serious (and likely to be remembered) self-punishment for disobeying the warning not to run where it's slippery, but skinned knees don't last that long in childhood, and there'll be no long-term damage.
The trouble with that is that you're definitely not guaranteed that result. The child could slip and fall into deep water, or hit his/her head and get a concussion. Or on the other hand, the child could completely get away with running by the pool without any negative natural consequence whatsoever, which would reinforce the idea that mama, dad and the lifeguard are totes uptight about the whole thing and can be safely ignored.
And for a lot of other things, the natural consequence would not come into play until a lot later. Really this is the problem with a lot of negative behaviors we have as adults. We don't get any immediate natural consequence for stuff like failing to exercise right away, but only much later.
I think what appeals to me so much about the ideal of natural consequences is twofold: I don't have to be the bad guy, and the universe is affirming my dictums. Both are extremely appealing because I think most parents at the very least don't enjoy imposing negative consequences, and probably many are like me in hating trying to figure out the right approach, so there is something so appealing about that getting taking out of your hands. Secondly, especially with my daughter's age group, so much that I say must seem so arbitrary. Why, Pippa must think sometimes, can I run around on the grass over here, but when I try to cross this hard stuff to the grass over there, Mama won't let me? I sometimes wish there could be a way that the universe could show her why it's so dangerous to run into the street... without her actually being in danger. That's the catch, of course.
I don't know what I'm doing yet really regarding discipline. I got The Happiest Toddler on the Block out from the library after having had it recommended from several different places.
The key thing we're struggling with is biting. Pippa doesn't hit or shove (please don't let me be jinxing myself), but she has just always been a biter. I jinxed myself at toddler group by saying that I was frustrated that my discipline technique for biting had worked for biting while nursing but wasn't working for other biting. Suddenly now Pippa is biting while nursing again, which she hasn't done for months. I don't know if this is because of her molars coming in or what. Only one has erupted (just a few days ago), but the other three are on the verge of it.
As long as I'm getting parenting decision angst off my chest, a potty training query to parents who've been there. [Potty details behind spoiler cut, click to read.]Specifically how to deal with a fear/refusal/inability to use an adult toilet in a public restroom or other house? We've had several times where Pippa signals a need to go, but balks at the adult-sized toilet.