gosh

[duhimthecaptain]

So I guess I'll write in this again. I just started reading Is Your Genius At Work? by Dick Richards. I have always been wary of anything resembling a self-help book, because they make me think of incompetent, overweight middle-aged men trying to make a comfy life out of writing these things and taking their families out to The Olive Garden when they have a success. Kind of like when watching Greg Kinnear play the dad in Little Miss Sunshine you could feel the disdain the film and the actor felt towards the character. But, my brother highly recommended this, which is about helping you identify your unique qualities and what type of work best allows you to utilize them, making your contributions to society more worthwhile and your mind healthier and happier. I figured it was a good idea since I don't really know anymore how especially tied I am to devoting my life to becoming a film editor. I would certainly love it, and might regret it later if I don't make a hardy effort at pursuing it, but at the same time my heart is captivated by so many other things. This became pretty obvious to me when I realized I was secretly hoping I didn't get the editing internship I applied for this spring so that I'd have enough time to get a job at a bakery. I was talking to my brother about life aspirations, and after a few minutes he summarized: "So, your ideal life would be to live in Stockholm, work forty hours a week at a bakery, and come home and write in the evenings?" I wanted to cry it was so exactly what I wanted. I imagined a cute little attic atelier with sparse but homey furniture and books everywhere and a nice plain wooden desk and a little gas stove. I keep hopefully imagining Stockholm as similar to Paris fifty years ago, which is a pretty dangerous ideal to get wrapped up in. Obviously I'm still in love with Paris, but not with getting molested by Arabs or with the sinking feeling that you're surrounded by a million other American In Paris hopefuls whose mundane dreams tarnish your own little innocent and simple ones, which you'd prefer to believe are sweeter and purer than most. I like to think Stockholm is untainted in this respect, and the apparent impossibility of getting a job without EU citizenship would seem to confirm it. Jens Lekman said in his blog recently (..sorry for being so lame) that he worked the night shift at a bakery last summer and would go for morning swims in the ocean with his coworkers, and I could only sigh deeply. I get so worried about how in hell I'm ever going to pull this off.
Also, please get your hands on this song. Every time I listen to Chère Edith I am puzzled as to why I don't love her more consciously, every moment of my life. Sharing in this puzzlement is the worrying observation that most people never go beyond "La vie en rose," if that. So, please. And I challenge you not to weep. Not that I intend to give anyone the impression that I am sitting here weeping and writing in my LiveJournal.