η
something feverish
2464; pg
yoochun/junsu
it starts as small light flares in the corner of his periphery. like the kind he saw when he stared straight at the sun for three and half minutes in middle school. junsu was never one to turn down a challenge, even priding himself on being the eternal good sport and only in retrospect should he should have known better than to accept stupid dares from even stupider classmates.
and then the sunflickers were accompanied by the unmistakable crackle of dry leaves and grass as if they were being swallowed up by some wildfire. did you guys hear that? he asked, hands on the handle of the car door. jaejoong and changmin were already inside, yunho gave a quick 'hear what?' and yoochun stood beside him and turned around to see if he had missed something. junsu waited another couple of seconds waiting to hear it again, before getting in the car, leather damp from the air conditioning. yoochun sat next to him, radiating warmth.
when they finally get back, junsu makes sure that he's out everyone else's line of vision, wanting to avoid any questions as he searches for the first aid kit. he finds a cheap thermometer, hikes his shirt up to his chest, puts the silver sensor against his armpit and holds it in place with his arm. after he hears the faint beep, he looks at the screen and sees a blinking 98.2 98.2 98.2 and shuts it off in frustration.
junsu uses the computer to look up his symptoms and they say he might have a detached retina, but his vision is just fine most of the time and there's no way that his retina can selectively decide when or when not to detach itself.
it gets worse over the next couple of weeks and junsu finally realizes it only happens when he's around yoochun. when he sits next to him, places his hand on his thigh or runs down the length of arm, junsu now pulls away in shock, feeling the pounding of white-pink burnt skin. yoochun doesn't seem to mind the first couple of times, figuring it's just junsu being playful or intentionally obnoxious but when junsu starts to pointedly sidestep him, yoochun comes up blazing when he's contemplating the contents of the refrigerator behind him, pins his arms to his side so he can't escape.
"junsu. something's wrong," yoochun's words are wrapped in dragon breath against the nape of his neck his hips like plasma against his back. junsu struggles against him, tries to step on his toes, twist his arms away. "and i'm not letting go until you tell me what is going on."
"yoochun GET OFF." junsu delivers a backwards kick and hits yoochun's shin, finally relieved of his touch. yoochun falls back, clutching his leg "ow, what the fuck junsu!"
junsu is sweating, out of breath and can't find any way to sugarcoat this, so he goes straight for the truth.
"you're too hot."
yoochun's face is utterly confused, but he's biting his lip to contain his laughter. "i'm what?"
"hot. you're burning me." junsu is nothing but serious, turns around, opens the freezer and puts his head in it.
"are you telling me that you have the hots for me?" yoochun says behind him and junsu doesn't even have to look at him to know that he has his i totally knew it face on full blast.
"no, conceited. i'm saying that you make my body feel like it's on fire." junsu doesn't realize what he's said until it's already left his mouth, whips around "WAIT. that's not what-"
"oh my god kim junsu just told me i make his body feel like it's on fire," yoochun scrambles to his feet and starts walking away, spring in step.
"YOOCHUN WHERE ARE YOU GOING." junsu tries to follow him, but the proximity makes the heat return so he falls back, looking helplessly into the hallway.
"notifying the press!" yoochun shouts over his shoulder.
-
junsu walks into the bathroom just as jaejoong is walking out of it. junsu tries to shut the door as quickly as possible but jaejoong is quicker, keeps the door open with his hand, his face twisted into a devious half-smile.
"so yoochun told me."
"i have no idea what you're talking about." junsu pushes against the door with every ounce of strength he has.
"he was really happy you know."
"again, i have no idea what you're talking about." junsu finally closes the door, clicks the lock in victory.
"i told him you guys would make a cute couple!" jaejoong shouts through the door.
-
yunho approaches him before dinner, gives him a paternal arm around the shoulders and a serious, sympathetic look.
"so."
"so."
"i heard something."
"huh."
"is there something you want to tell me?"
"no, not in particular."
"it's okay, junsu. i understand."
"understand what?"
"the whole feeling like your body's on fire thing. i've learned to deal with it."
junsu is surprised, ecstatic. yunho's been through the same thing?
"you do? oh thank god, i thought i was going crazy. i can't even be around him, yunho! i feel like every part of my body is being scorched, when he comes near me the hair on my arms singe and i feel bad because i think he thinks i probably hate him-"
"what are you talking about?"
"the heat! i thought you-"
"you meant being aroused, right? i feel like my body's on fire around jaejoong sometimes." yunho blushes.
"oh. um, no. that's not what i was talking about." junsu replies, hesitantly, starts to back away.
"oh."
"yeah."
"okay then."
-
junsu feels like he's finally found a brief respite with changmin. when he asks him if they can have dinner separately from the rest of the group, changmin just nods in assent and doesn't ask why. when they're both eating, junsu hears nothing but slurps from changmin's end of the table. changmin gets up first, throws out the plastic container, walks over to junsu and puts his elbows on the table next to junsu's bowl.
"so yoochun makes you feel like your body's on fire, huh?"
"someone's been telling you lies."
"i have a very reliable source."
"if you think he's a reliable source, you're not as smart as i thought."
"so you didn't say it?"
"i did say it. but it's not what i meant." junsu sighs, pokes the remaining noodles around.
"what's going on, junsu? you don't usually take pranks this far."
"it's not a prank!" junsu thinks of a way to explain. "you know the hot coals of a fireplace or a grill? imagine that kind of heat on your skin, inside your ears, in your head whenever yoochun in the same room as and now it's affecting my eyesight, everything is giving me migraines everything's too bright, and this is in addition to the lights when we're performing, during the interviews i have to sit right next to him, i can't concentrate on the questions or even answering because all i can think of is throwing myself into a pool of ice."
"i had no idea."
"yeah. i don't know what to do or how much longer i can take this."
"do you want to go see a doctor?"
"and what would i say? i don't even have a fever and yes, i've checked more than once."
"oh." changmin looks at him thoughtfully, then "i could talk to him. about what you said."
"he'd probably just think i'm blowing him off and annoy me even more."
"i can still try."
-
whatever changmin said must've worked, because junsu doesn't see yoochun anymore. in the mornings, junsu hears the shower much earlier than before, the dinner table always with one less setting. during interviews he catches yoochun trying to inch away when he isn't the one answering the question. junsu feels his gut wrenching, wonders if this will go on forever.
it's only natural, junsu thinks, to miss him, to miss the affectionate touches, just spending time together. what made it even worse was that yoochun was so obliging and willing accomodate junsu's stupid problem. the other members don't mention it much.
one afternoon, after staring at a wall for a good half an hour, junsu shouts for yoochun.
there is a lengthy pause, and then he hears the tentative "junsu?"
"can you come here?"
junsu hears the quick footsteps, yoochun enters the room and beelines for junsu, his arms open ready to embrace him. junsu almost heads toward him but flinches in realization, the fire returning.
"oh shit, i'm sorry i'm sorry. it's still happening? i thought-" yoochun backtracks to the threshold, but junsu can still feel the residual heat.
"i just. i just wanted to say that i miss you."
yoochun leans his head against the door frame. "i miss you more."
-
junsu's watching television one day, feels the heat creep up the nape of his neck. junsu turns around to see yoochun not far enough behind him, a pillow and dvd case in hand.
"i thought that if i sat on the opposite side of the room, we could both watch it together and it wouldn't be too bad for you."
junsu can't find it in him to turn him away, even though the second yoochun comes close the room is engulfed in fire, the swelter sizzling through his eardrums and junsu swears he feels the valves of his heart expanding in his chest.
"so i brought this."
"that movie blows." junsu says, hoping to use underhanded methods to dissuade yoochun.
"what. this movie kicks ass. this movie could kick your ass."
junsu lasts through the opening credits before it becomes too too much, pushes the heels of his hands into the sockets of his eyes, wishes he could tell yoochun what he was doing to him.
yoochun crawls over from his corner against the wall, worried
"i know i'm just making it worse by coming over here, but you've been alone the past week and everyone's been worried."
junsu moans in reply.
i think i know a way to distract you from this, yoochun says. he sits cross legged in front of junsu. junsu opens his eyes and replies warily, it better not be something stupid okay, because my head already hurts enough. yoochun's smile is tinged with uncharacteristic apprehension.
do you trust me, yoochun asks.
no not really, junsu answers, yoochun's eyes liquid heat so he can't even look at them for too long.
do you trust me.
what are you going to do, seriously, if this-
i am serious. do you trust me.
yeah, okay. i guess.
yoochun gets on all fours and leans over, tilts his head to the right, the tendon in the side of his neck strained into a perfect diagonal and kisses junsu.
when junsu follows, open eyed, at the flutter half-lidded shut of yoochun's eyelashes, he feels like inexperience personified and it annoys him, plunges him into some deep dark thing.
yoochun pulls back, his arms on either side of junsu's thighs. he laughs with a 'that did the trick, huh?' but his eyes say something different, insecure, like this wasn't all calculated and junsu can read people better than they think. junsu answers, i can't do that.
but that's not what he means, not what he means at all and the way yoochun dims, wilts, triggers something in him like the sensation of pressing into his bellybutton too hard. he realizes that the burnlights are gone now and outline of yoochun's arms fingers are blurring into a soft seafoam glow so junsu tries again
i can't-i mean. i mean, i don't know how to do that.
do what? yoochun asks, sitting back on his heels waiting for the punch line.
i don't know how to do that- this.
that's it? yoochun bursts into a smile like neon against a city skyline.
it's a big deal! i don't want to mess up. junsu isn't seeing anything anymore now it's just yoochun
it's okay, yoochun whispers, you just close your eyes and pretend i'm a girl. he leans in again, unconsciously swiping his bottom lip nervously with his tongue. junsu sees the way his hair falls in his face and the clear glistening smear on his mouth. junsu doesn't want a girl, can't even think of one that he'd want in yoochun's place. his headache is dissipating and the edges softening all around him. junsu keeps his eyes open to see how yoochun will fit his lips against his, maybe relax and sigh into it this time.
junsu sees his reflection against the curve of yoochun's cheekbones and the pout of his lips, thinks yoochun is beautiful like this and can't imagine him any other way, the old yoochun nothing like this new one.
yoochun inches closer, on his knees. he opens his eyes to gauge their distance and he opens his eyes to junsu's wide ones, starts laughing.
wh-what are you doing!
i'm here! why are you laughing at me!
you look like a deer caught in the headlights! close your eyes!
but you're. you're shining.
what?
please kiss me again, it's- it's helping.
junsu can't help from blushing but yoochun's cold fingers run down the sides of his cheek and now the temperature is dropping with each second and he hears the crash and thunder of waves and the ocean and the hiss of lava meeting the water.
when yoochun's lips are millimeters away from his, rivers of electricity shoot up through junsu's ribcage and maybe all of this was worth it if it makes him feel like this and
now the heat is just in yoochun's mouth, only against silky wet insides of cheeks underneath the soft roughness of tongue between the ridges of teeth.
-
the next morning, junsu has to shake a sleeping yoochun off his thigh, adjusts the crick in his neck and feels just fine. he laughs in relief, laughs harder than he has in weeks. yoochun blearily looks up at him. junsu grins wildly, ruffles yoochun's hair.
it's gone!
so, um. now that you're better, can i still?
i think so. yes.
so you still have the hots for me.
ugh shut up.
this time junsu initiates the kiss, pulls yoochun up by the front of his t-shirt, keeps his eyes open again to see how yoochun is like soapy water cool comfort. junsu watches to see the background fade to grayscale behind the fringe of yoochun's hair. as if the rest of the world couldn't compare, had to pale in comparison.
junsu closes his eyes, lets it wash over him.
2464; pg
yoochun/junsu
it starts as small light flares in the corner of his periphery. like the kind he saw when he stared straight at the sun for three and half minutes in middle school. junsu was never one to turn down a challenge, even priding himself on being the eternal good sport and only in retrospect should he should have known better than to accept stupid dares from even stupider classmates.
and then the sunflickers were accompanied by the unmistakable crackle of dry leaves and grass as if they were being swallowed up by some wildfire. did you guys hear that? he asked, hands on the handle of the car door. jaejoong and changmin were already inside, yunho gave a quick 'hear what?' and yoochun stood beside him and turned around to see if he had missed something. junsu waited another couple of seconds waiting to hear it again, before getting in the car, leather damp from the air conditioning. yoochun sat next to him, radiating warmth.
when they finally get back, junsu makes sure that he's out everyone else's line of vision, wanting to avoid any questions as he searches for the first aid kit. he finds a cheap thermometer, hikes his shirt up to his chest, puts the silver sensor against his armpit and holds it in place with his arm. after he hears the faint beep, he looks at the screen and sees a blinking 98.2 98.2 98.2 and shuts it off in frustration.
junsu uses the computer to look up his symptoms and they say he might have a detached retina, but his vision is just fine most of the time and there's no way that his retina can selectively decide when or when not to detach itself.
it gets worse over the next couple of weeks and junsu finally realizes it only happens when he's around yoochun. when he sits next to him, places his hand on his thigh or runs down the length of arm, junsu now pulls away in shock, feeling the pounding of white-pink burnt skin. yoochun doesn't seem to mind the first couple of times, figuring it's just junsu being playful or intentionally obnoxious but when junsu starts to pointedly sidestep him, yoochun comes up blazing when he's contemplating the contents of the refrigerator behind him, pins his arms to his side so he can't escape.
"junsu. something's wrong," yoochun's words are wrapped in dragon breath against the nape of his neck his hips like plasma against his back. junsu struggles against him, tries to step on his toes, twist his arms away. "and i'm not letting go until you tell me what is going on."
"yoochun GET OFF." junsu delivers a backwards kick and hits yoochun's shin, finally relieved of his touch. yoochun falls back, clutching his leg "ow, what the fuck junsu!"
junsu is sweating, out of breath and can't find any way to sugarcoat this, so he goes straight for the truth.
"you're too hot."
yoochun's face is utterly confused, but he's biting his lip to contain his laughter. "i'm what?"
"hot. you're burning me." junsu is nothing but serious, turns around, opens the freezer and puts his head in it.
"are you telling me that you have the hots for me?" yoochun says behind him and junsu doesn't even have to look at him to know that he has his i totally knew it face on full blast.
"no, conceited. i'm saying that you make my body feel like it's on fire." junsu doesn't realize what he's said until it's already left his mouth, whips around "WAIT. that's not what-"
"oh my god kim junsu just told me i make his body feel like it's on fire," yoochun scrambles to his feet and starts walking away, spring in step.
"YOOCHUN WHERE ARE YOU GOING." junsu tries to follow him, but the proximity makes the heat return so he falls back, looking helplessly into the hallway.
"notifying the press!" yoochun shouts over his shoulder.
-
junsu walks into the bathroom just as jaejoong is walking out of it. junsu tries to shut the door as quickly as possible but jaejoong is quicker, keeps the door open with his hand, his face twisted into a devious half-smile.
"so yoochun told me."
"i have no idea what you're talking about." junsu pushes against the door with every ounce of strength he has.
"he was really happy you know."
"again, i have no idea what you're talking about." junsu finally closes the door, clicks the lock in victory.
"i told him you guys would make a cute couple!" jaejoong shouts through the door.
-
yunho approaches him before dinner, gives him a paternal arm around the shoulders and a serious, sympathetic look.
"so."
"so."
"i heard something."
"huh."
"is there something you want to tell me?"
"no, not in particular."
"it's okay, junsu. i understand."
"understand what?"
"the whole feeling like your body's on fire thing. i've learned to deal with it."
junsu is surprised, ecstatic. yunho's been through the same thing?
"you do? oh thank god, i thought i was going crazy. i can't even be around him, yunho! i feel like every part of my body is being scorched, when he comes near me the hair on my arms singe and i feel bad because i think he thinks i probably hate him-"
"what are you talking about?"
"the heat! i thought you-"
"you meant being aroused, right? i feel like my body's on fire around jaejoong sometimes." yunho blushes.
"oh. um, no. that's not what i was talking about." junsu replies, hesitantly, starts to back away.
"oh."
"yeah."
"okay then."
-
junsu feels like he's finally found a brief respite with changmin. when he asks him if they can have dinner separately from the rest of the group, changmin just nods in assent and doesn't ask why. when they're both eating, junsu hears nothing but slurps from changmin's end of the table. changmin gets up first, throws out the plastic container, walks over to junsu and puts his elbows on the table next to junsu's bowl.
"so yoochun makes you feel like your body's on fire, huh?"
"someone's been telling you lies."
"i have a very reliable source."
"if you think he's a reliable source, you're not as smart as i thought."
"so you didn't say it?"
"i did say it. but it's not what i meant." junsu sighs, pokes the remaining noodles around.
"what's going on, junsu? you don't usually take pranks this far."
"it's not a prank!" junsu thinks of a way to explain. "you know the hot coals of a fireplace or a grill? imagine that kind of heat on your skin, inside your ears, in your head whenever yoochun in the same room as and now it's affecting my eyesight, everything is giving me migraines everything's too bright, and this is in addition to the lights when we're performing, during the interviews i have to sit right next to him, i can't concentrate on the questions or even answering because all i can think of is throwing myself into a pool of ice."
"i had no idea."
"yeah. i don't know what to do or how much longer i can take this."
"do you want to go see a doctor?"
"and what would i say? i don't even have a fever and yes, i've checked more than once."
"oh." changmin looks at him thoughtfully, then "i could talk to him. about what you said."
"he'd probably just think i'm blowing him off and annoy me even more."
"i can still try."
-
whatever changmin said must've worked, because junsu doesn't see yoochun anymore. in the mornings, junsu hears the shower much earlier than before, the dinner table always with one less setting. during interviews he catches yoochun trying to inch away when he isn't the one answering the question. junsu feels his gut wrenching, wonders if this will go on forever.
it's only natural, junsu thinks, to miss him, to miss the affectionate touches, just spending time together. what made it even worse was that yoochun was so obliging and willing accomodate junsu's stupid problem. the other members don't mention it much.
one afternoon, after staring at a wall for a good half an hour, junsu shouts for yoochun.
there is a lengthy pause, and then he hears the tentative "junsu?"
"can you come here?"
junsu hears the quick footsteps, yoochun enters the room and beelines for junsu, his arms open ready to embrace him. junsu almost heads toward him but flinches in realization, the fire returning.
"oh shit, i'm sorry i'm sorry. it's still happening? i thought-" yoochun backtracks to the threshold, but junsu can still feel the residual heat.
"i just. i just wanted to say that i miss you."
yoochun leans his head against the door frame. "i miss you more."
-
junsu's watching television one day, feels the heat creep up the nape of his neck. junsu turns around to see yoochun not far enough behind him, a pillow and dvd case in hand.
"i thought that if i sat on the opposite side of the room, we could both watch it together and it wouldn't be too bad for you."
junsu can't find it in him to turn him away, even though the second yoochun comes close the room is engulfed in fire, the swelter sizzling through his eardrums and junsu swears he feels the valves of his heart expanding in his chest.
"so i brought this."
"that movie blows." junsu says, hoping to use underhanded methods to dissuade yoochun.
"what. this movie kicks ass. this movie could kick your ass."
junsu lasts through the opening credits before it becomes too too much, pushes the heels of his hands into the sockets of his eyes, wishes he could tell yoochun what he was doing to him.
yoochun crawls over from his corner against the wall, worried
"i know i'm just making it worse by coming over here, but you've been alone the past week and everyone's been worried."
junsu moans in reply.
i think i know a way to distract you from this, yoochun says. he sits cross legged in front of junsu. junsu opens his eyes and replies warily, it better not be something stupid okay, because my head already hurts enough. yoochun's smile is tinged with uncharacteristic apprehension.
do you trust me, yoochun asks.
no not really, junsu answers, yoochun's eyes liquid heat so he can't even look at them for too long.
do you trust me.
what are you going to do, seriously, if this-
i am serious. do you trust me.
yeah, okay. i guess.
yoochun gets on all fours and leans over, tilts his head to the right, the tendon in the side of his neck strained into a perfect diagonal and kisses junsu.
when junsu follows, open eyed, at the flutter half-lidded shut of yoochun's eyelashes, he feels like inexperience personified and it annoys him, plunges him into some deep dark thing.
yoochun pulls back, his arms on either side of junsu's thighs. he laughs with a 'that did the trick, huh?' but his eyes say something different, insecure, like this wasn't all calculated and junsu can read people better than they think. junsu answers, i can't do that.
but that's not what he means, not what he means at all and the way yoochun dims, wilts, triggers something in him like the sensation of pressing into his bellybutton too hard. he realizes that the burnlights are gone now and outline of yoochun's arms fingers are blurring into a soft seafoam glow so junsu tries again
i can't-i mean. i mean, i don't know how to do that.
do what? yoochun asks, sitting back on his heels waiting for the punch line.
i don't know how to do that- this.
that's it? yoochun bursts into a smile like neon against a city skyline.
it's a big deal! i don't want to mess up. junsu isn't seeing anything anymore now it's just yoochun
it's okay, yoochun whispers, you just close your eyes and pretend i'm a girl. he leans in again, unconsciously swiping his bottom lip nervously with his tongue. junsu sees the way his hair falls in his face and the clear glistening smear on his mouth. junsu doesn't want a girl, can't even think of one that he'd want in yoochun's place. his headache is dissipating and the edges softening all around him. junsu keeps his eyes open to see how yoochun will fit his lips against his, maybe relax and sigh into it this time.
junsu sees his reflection against the curve of yoochun's cheekbones and the pout of his lips, thinks yoochun is beautiful like this and can't imagine him any other way, the old yoochun nothing like this new one.
yoochun inches closer, on his knees. he opens his eyes to gauge their distance and he opens his eyes to junsu's wide ones, starts laughing.
wh-what are you doing!
i'm here! why are you laughing at me!
you look like a deer caught in the headlights! close your eyes!
but you're. you're shining.
what?
please kiss me again, it's- it's helping.
junsu can't help from blushing but yoochun's cold fingers run down the sides of his cheek and now the temperature is dropping with each second and he hears the crash and thunder of waves and the ocean and the hiss of lava meeting the water.
when yoochun's lips are millimeters away from his, rivers of electricity shoot up through junsu's ribcage and maybe all of this was worth it if it makes him feel like this and
now the heat is just in yoochun's mouth, only against silky wet insides of cheeks underneath the soft roughness of tongue between the ridges of teeth.
-
the next morning, junsu has to shake a sleeping yoochun off his thigh, adjusts the crick in his neck and feels just fine. he laughs in relief, laughs harder than he has in weeks. yoochun blearily looks up at him. junsu grins wildly, ruffles yoochun's hair.
it's gone!
so, um. now that you're better, can i still?
i think so. yes.
so you still have the hots for me.
ugh shut up.
this time junsu initiates the kiss, pulls yoochun up by the front of his t-shirt, keeps his eyes open again to see how yoochun is like soapy water cool comfort. junsu watches to see the background fade to grayscale behind the fringe of yoochun's hair. as if the rest of the world couldn't compare, had to pale in comparison.
junsu closes his eyes, lets it wash over him.