FIC: Abandoning Ship (3/?)
Arizona was in her car for the second time tonight.
Wow.
Her head shook with utter bewilderment, as she started rolling out of her parking spot.
What the hell did I do to deserve this big karmic joke in my life right now? I SAVE BABIES for crying out loud! But no, here I am driving BACK to my ex-girlfriend’s place - the one I left 2 hours ago when we BROKE UP because I am being a freaking COW-ARD - to deliver a baby. Yep! I’m on my way to deliver my ex-girlfriend-who-wants-a-baby’s-best-friend-who-she-has-slept-with’s-illegitimate-daughter’s-baby.
Arizona watched the street lights play on the road in front of her as she dropped her head into her left hand, propped up on the driver side door. Trying desperately to calm herself for the scene she was driving to.
I am Dr. Arizona Robbins, daughter of Colonel Daniel Robbins and big sister to Corporal Daniel Robbins Jr. and I AM GREAT. I am strong and I am great at my job. I can do this.
She rocked slightly in the driver’s seat as she navigated her way back to Callie’s apartment. She had seen Calliope Torres show up on her phone’s screen only 15 minutes ago and had ignored the call at first. Then the text message had come: Sloane is here, in labor. Think there’s something wrong. Please come. Of course, Arizona had immediately regretted not picking up Callie’s call.
Of course she wasn’t going to call me unless she absolutely had to. Arizona had chastised herself first for not answering the phone call and second for having a small tinge of hope upon seeing the name. Immediately she had texted her back, On my way.
Driving past the same landmarks she had passed hours ago brought back the memory of their breakup.
**
They both sat there, staring between themselves and their hands.
“I’m gonna put some clothes on.” Arizona could feel her heart racing as she anticipated where this conversation was going. Normally she would have just put a shirt on and some underwear to sleep in but deep, deep down it was if she knew where this was leading to. Instead, she put on a pair of sweats, a sportsbra and t-shirt. Neither of them noticed or realized that she had not dressed herself in pajamas. She sat back down on the bed, facing but not looking at Calliope.
“I’ve wanted a baby since I was a little girl,” the brunette broke the silence. “Some little person - a tiny human - that would be mine. Be a part of me.” A small smile creeps onto Callie’s face, “I want to be the one she runs to in the middle of the night after having a bad dream, the one to ride down the big scary slide with her and see the joy on her face when we come out the other end, together. I want to teach her how to drive a car and be there for her when she falls in love for the first time. And I want to walk my daughter down the aisle someday… right next to the person I love most in this world…. And…. That person is you, Arizona.”
Callie’s eyes locked with Arizona’s, “It’s no one else but you, Ari.” She inhaled deeply as if it had taken all of the air in her lungs to say what she needed to say.
Arizona opened her mouth to speak, willing it to say the right thing. But what came out was just a whisper, “I can’t.”
An exasperated sigh escaped Callie’s lips, “Arizona, you have to give me more than that. I…. I… I deserve more than that.”
“You do,” Arizona said, biting down hard on her cheek. “That’s why this…. This … just… isn’t going to work.”
“Arizo-“ Callie started, her exasperation clearly rising. But she was interrupted by the blonde. “Calliope, I don’t want kids and I don’t ever want them again.”
They both jerked their heads up. Arizona didn’t immediately realize what she had just said but Callie had certainly picked up on it and she looked as if she was about to ask about “again” when she realized that Arizona was no longer sitting on the bed.
“Callie, I can’t give you what you want in life and you deserve everything you want” Dr. Arizona Robbins continued as her eyes began to water, “It’s … just not going to be with me.”
Silence filled the room as Arizona slid her feet into her heelys sitting at the bottom of the bed. Walking over to the nightstand she slowly picked up her pager and keys. Staring for a moment at a picture of her and Callie in a picture frame. Several seconds passed by and it seemed like they both had things left unsaid. But for Arizona, now was not the time. She needed to cut Callie off so she spun on her heels and walked to the door prepared to walk out of Callie’s life forever.
“So that’s it?” Callie’s voice was shaking and Arizona could tell the big, bad Ortho was on the verge of a sob. She wanted to turn around and run to her. To tell her everything. She knew she should, that it would at least soften the blow for Callie but she didn’t. A clean cut was always the best one, “Goodbye Calliope.”
And with that, Arizona walked out on Callie.
**
Arizona pulled into her usual space just outside of Callie’s building. Teddy was seated on the stairs wearing different clothes than she had been wearing earlier in the night when she had come to Arizona’s rescue.
Well, looks like someone else’s night didn’t quite turn out as planned.
Arizona jumped out of the her XLR and headed towards Teddy, picking up the pace as she saw the concern on Teddy’s face. That’s when she noticed that to her right a group of interns and residents was pushing a gurney across the street to meet them.
“Teddy!” The former Army doctor snapped her attention to Arizona and finished the last couple of strides between them. “What’s going on?”
“Sloane is in labor and she’s bleeding profusely. She showed up like 20 minutes ago, dilated with contractions spaced at 8 minutes apart. I’m surprised she even made it to Mark’s.” Teddy shook her head as she and Arizona made their way to the interns.
Shouting at the tense junior doctors, Teddy led Arizona into the apartment building.
“Do you think we can move her? Mark said that the baby had a problem with the cord being wrapped around its leg but that Addison had fixed it?”
Arizona nodded as she fought back the nervousness that was creeping into her chest in anticipation of seeing Callie “But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t some other complication that arose unbeknownst to us. We don’t know what kind of prenatal care she’s had in her absence.” Teddy gave a quick nod to acknowledge Arizona’s expertise. “Well, I’ve got an OR held for you in case you need to do a c-section.”
The two surgeons exited the stairwell and could immediately hear through Mark’s open door the screams coming from Sloane. They rushed to the door and paused for a moment as they saw the blood soaked carpet with Sloane, Mark and Callie sitting in the middle of it.
ArArizona steps through the doorway and takes a deep breath, trying her best to clear her head.
CALLIE’S PERSPECTIVE
SGH-MW LOBBY
“Mark, I think you should sit down. Sloane is … in good hands.” Mark had been pacing the lobby since Arizona had arrived and decided that Sloane needed to be in the OR immediately. So, Mark had carried Sloane down to the waiting interns and placed her on the gurney. It had only been 30 minutes since Arizona had rushed with Sloane into the OR Teddy had booked for them and Mark was pacing across the lobby with Callie, “I should be in the OR with her, Cal.”
“No you should NOT, Mark. She’s gonna be ok and she doesn’t need you freaking out in there. If anyone can make sure both momma and baby are fine… it’s…” Callie sighed “Arizona.”
It’s always Arizona.
The concern playing out in Mark’s eyebrows and voice lessened a little at his best friend’s reassuring words, “Can you go check in with her? I know your girlfriend is the best, but I think I could relax a little more if I could get a status report.”
And that’s what I was hoping to avoid. But Mark needs me and I’M not the kind of person anymore that abandons the people they love.
“I’ll go check on her for you.” And with that, Callie booked it to the OR. I just need to go in and ask for a status report from one of the nurses or residents scrubbed in. I don’t need to look at her or talk to her or anything. Just slip in the back and get an update.
Callie grabbed a face mask by the door to the OR and tied it around her face before backing through the door to the OR.
The scene was tense. Dr. Hunt and Dr. Altman were both stitching up Sloane who appeared to be ok but in the corner on a smaller table, was a certain blonde pediatric surgeon, working fervently over a tiny, blue body.
Avery, the Mercy West resident was standing next to Arizona trying to pull her away from the tiny body. “Dr. Robbins, she’s been down for 6 minu-“ And that’s when Arizona snapped at the resident with a tone to her voice that Callie had never heard. And by the sound (or lack thereof) in the OR, no one else had heard either.
“BACK! OFF! AVERY!” She was pumping on the baby’s chest, shaking her head and muttering to herself. Callie had never seen her lose it in the OR quite like this before although she had heard about Arizona’s outburst at the chief when Wallace had been in this very same room undergoing a surgery that she had not believed in.
Callie felt her heart breaking. The baby was dead and Arizona was … not Arizona.
That’s not my responsibility anymore. I don’t have a right to care anymore. She took that away from me.
But Callie knew herself better than that. She still loved Arizona and she wanted to take the petite blonde and wrap her up in her arms and tell her it would be ok. Involuntarily, her body moved towards the blonde but was interrupted by a beep on the small monitor next to the baby’s head. You could almost hear the collective gasp from everyone in the room as another beep is followed by another and yet another.
Arizona went into action barking orders at nurses, “We’ve got him back. Get him up to PICU and hook him up to a concentrator and monitor his oxygen levels. He’s crying so that’s a good thing but we need to make sure there’s no damage to his lungs.” The nurses snapped into action recovering from the shock of the baby’s heartbeat coming back to life. Arizona on the other hand, seemed to be stuck in a trance for a moment as she stared at the new life she had saved being wheeled out of the OR.
She begins to pull off her mask and gloves when she notices Callie standing there. There eyes connect for a moment and Callie thinks for a second that Arizona is going to say something. But instead, Arizona turns and leaves the OR.
I’m going after her.
Just as Callie turns towards the swinging door, she is interrupted by Avery’s voice, “Dr. Robbins instructed me to let you know that the baby is going to be monitored for the next 48 hours in the PICU but if Mark wants to go upstairs and see him, he can. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. And well, you saw the rest. Oh, and by the looks of it, Sloane is going to be just fine. They’ve sedated her so she’ll be out for the next several hours so she doesn’t damage the stitches. She lost a lot of blood but Dr. Hunt… was a ninja. He got her fixed up quickly.”
Callie nods at the Mercy-Wester, clearly distracted. And it doesn’t go unnoticed by Avery, “I can go let Mark know if you’d like?”
No, I should tell Mark. Talking to Arizona can wait.
“Uh, no… Thanks. I’ll tell him.” And with that, Callie booked it out of the operating room to the lobby where she gave Mark a status update. The two friends walked up to the PICU together.
Callie watched her best friend and new grandfather leaned over the small chamber holding his grandson in the intensive care unit. A small smile on his face as he looked on at the tiny Sloan wriggling in its new skull cap and blanket.
Arizona. I need to talk to her. I … just … need her.
Callie turned to the desk behind her where Arizona usually dropped off her charts for residents and nurses to check on. Only the night nurse was there. Still, she may know where Arizona had gone off to. “Katie, do you know where Dr. Robbins went off to?”
“She just walked out the door. Said she was leaving for the night since Dr. Bishop is here now.” Before she could finish, Callie was running for the elevator.
Parking Lot
Callie burst through the glass doors of the hospital entrance and could see blonde curls bouncing vigorously towards the parking lot.
“Arizona! ARIZONA WAIT!”
Whew, I am way to out of shape for this High Fidelity shit.
The blonde stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around. Her head fell fell down a little and Callie knew she was exhausted. But this can’t wait.
“Arizona,” catching up to her, Callie panted in between sentences. “Arizona, I’m here to tell you that I’m going to fight for you. I’m going to make this work. I don’t know how yet and I don’t know how insane I will get trying but I’m here to tell you that I can get pretty insane…” She took a deep breath trying to read the blonde’s sad expression. “I’m telling you I’m not going to run away from this Arizona. I love you and we’re going to figure this out. You’re the one for me Zona. We were made for each other. I love you.”
The blonde looked down at the ground and fiddled with her keys for a moment.
“I’m taking a leave of absence.”
Callie stood there dumbfounded as Arizona climbed into her car and drove away.