don't close your eyes, you might fall to pieces.
i have no idea why i felt the sudden desire to update this
but who really needs a reason anyways since no one reads this anymore
things:
1) i've officially graduated law school woo. JD in hand and all that jazz. it didnt really feel like a big accomplish up until graduation day when i realized how much has changed and how much ive grown and i realized that degree aside, this was the best three years of my life. i have learned more about myself than i ever imagined possible. i have had friendships and relationships in the past year that have evolved in to things that were completely unforeseeable and i finally feel completely independent and happy with myself. i think that in itself was worth the three years of hell they call "law school". Really though, i couldn't have asked for a better three years worth of experience and when I think of myself as a person the summer before law school started, I realize more than ever that moving to Boston and such was the best thing I could have done. Even better is when I realize where I am at now..and how i handle situations and life in general. I am just glad that looking back on it I can say I've really grown as a person and I am glad I am no longer who I was before, because I really needed to stand on my own two feet and learn a lot about myself to be at this point.
2) now that i have gotten to this point i am rewarded with 14 hours a day devoted to studying the law all over again or something like that. studying for the bar has to be the most exhausting terrible experience ever and it truly makes you question yourself as a capable human being, but hopefully in the end it is worth it
3) i am turning 26 and i am no where at the point in life i always imagined myself to be right now but i am okay with it..because i think i am in a better place and i am thankful for everyone that has been a part of the past few months..from a certain boy ive spent hours in bed talking about life with to the friends ive spent hours drinking wine or beer with while talking about the ups and downs of life and the stresses of it all
4) ive never been so unsure wtf to do with myeslf when something ends. i've never had to actually be a "professional" and not had school to fall back on..i love school!!! i have no problem working and supporting myself because i have always been a diligent worker..thus how i survived law school and such in general. however, there is something unfulfilling about working day in and day out (except the paycheck i guess). with school you are constantly striving to move forward and you know each year you will..with the working world everything is so unclear. and all that aside, i am torn between new york and boston but predict at this point ill end up in new york because i just feel like i need a new experience. on the other hand, i feel like im always unhappy with life how it is and always looking for something "new". and i do this with life and relationships and everything in between and lately im never content with anything, even when it's "perfect" but maybe that is just the point i am at in life right now and i need to embrace it, and the ability to change my mind so much because eventually (and obviously sooner rather later) that will no longer be an option
so despite my over- thinking personalit and over - analyzing and always wanting every decision i make to be perfect, i think i am going to go for it and try the nyc lifestyle and know i can always come back to boston and the friends that i have made here
one thing is for sure..every time i question where things i have come to know here are "true" i always get assurance that they are..and that is the greatest feeling in the world, as cheesy as that sounds. then again, i guess i haven't had a lot of people in my life that have always supported me and left me feeling whole, rather than torn apart or rather than making me question so much about myself and it is just nice to know that people like that really do exist, and that i am capable of having those types of relationships (and this doesn't mean all friendships i have coughtinacoughdoracoughallmyotherclosefriendsthatihavenoideawhoevenreadthisanymore aren't amazing)
so anyways, overall it's nice to know im in a better place, that not only i notice, but my family and close friends notice as well. and once i figure out whether i want to move to nyc or i am too attached to this wonderful feeling boston brings me, then i will have taken another step in the right direction i feel and while i am secretly freaking out and totally afraid and sad and have no idea what to do with myself, i am going to handle it and believe in myself and know it will be fine
and yes, this entry was horribly cheesy but i needed to write it for myself to clear my head a little bit...i think about the law every second im awake and sometimes just need to direct other thoughts elsewhere so i can regroup and get back on track.
but who really needs a reason anyways since no one reads this anymore
things:
1) i've officially graduated law school woo. JD in hand and all that jazz. it didnt really feel like a big accomplish up until graduation day when i realized how much has changed and how much ive grown and i realized that degree aside, this was the best three years of my life. i have learned more about myself than i ever imagined possible. i have had friendships and relationships in the past year that have evolved in to things that were completely unforeseeable and i finally feel completely independent and happy with myself. i think that in itself was worth the three years of hell they call "law school". Really though, i couldn't have asked for a better three years worth of experience and when I think of myself as a person the summer before law school started, I realize more than ever that moving to Boston and such was the best thing I could have done. Even better is when I realize where I am at now..and how i handle situations and life in general. I am just glad that looking back on it I can say I've really grown as a person and I am glad I am no longer who I was before, because I really needed to stand on my own two feet and learn a lot about myself to be at this point.
2) now that i have gotten to this point i am rewarded with 14 hours a day devoted to studying the law all over again or something like that. studying for the bar has to be the most exhausting terrible experience ever and it truly makes you question yourself as a capable human being, but hopefully in the end it is worth it
3) i am turning 26 and i am no where at the point in life i always imagined myself to be right now but i am okay with it..because i think i am in a better place and i am thankful for everyone that has been a part of the past few months..from a certain boy ive spent hours in bed talking about life with to the friends ive spent hours drinking wine or beer with while talking about the ups and downs of life and the stresses of it all
4) ive never been so unsure wtf to do with myeslf when something ends. i've never had to actually be a "professional" and not had school to fall back on..i love school!!! i have no problem working and supporting myself because i have always been a diligent worker..thus how i survived law school and such in general. however, there is something unfulfilling about working day in and day out (except the paycheck i guess). with school you are constantly striving to move forward and you know each year you will..with the working world everything is so unclear. and all that aside, i am torn between new york and boston but predict at this point ill end up in new york because i just feel like i need a new experience. on the other hand, i feel like im always unhappy with life how it is and always looking for something "new". and i do this with life and relationships and everything in between and lately im never content with anything, even when it's "perfect" but maybe that is just the point i am at in life right now and i need to embrace it, and the ability to change my mind so much because eventually (and obviously sooner rather later) that will no longer be an option
so despite my over- thinking personalit and over - analyzing and always wanting every decision i make to be perfect, i think i am going to go for it and try the nyc lifestyle and know i can always come back to boston and the friends that i have made here
one thing is for sure..every time i question where things i have come to know here are "true" i always get assurance that they are..and that is the greatest feeling in the world, as cheesy as that sounds. then again, i guess i haven't had a lot of people in my life that have always supported me and left me feeling whole, rather than torn apart or rather than making me question so much about myself and it is just nice to know that people like that really do exist, and that i am capable of having those types of relationships (and this doesn't mean all friendships i have coughtinacoughdoracoughallmyotherclosefriendsthatihavenoideawhoevenreadthisanymore aren't amazing)
so anyways, overall it's nice to know im in a better place, that not only i notice, but my family and close friends notice as well. and once i figure out whether i want to move to nyc or i am too attached to this wonderful feeling boston brings me, then i will have taken another step in the right direction i feel and while i am secretly freaking out and totally afraid and sad and have no idea what to do with myself, i am going to handle it and believe in myself and know it will be fine
and yes, this entry was horribly cheesy but i needed to write it for myself to clear my head a little bit...i think about the law every second im awake and sometimes just need to direct other thoughts elsewhere so i can regroup and get back on track.