Contemplation
Last night in small groups, we did a character study of Daniel...you know, the guy who got thrown into the lion's den for praying but made it out ok in the end? I was (and still am) struck by the way he, simply by sticking true to himself and his beliefs, ultimately inspired the king to accept God into his life, too.
I want to be more like Daniel. I want to live my life in such a way that I inspire others to accept God into their hearts. I'm not saying I'm going to do things just like he did (this girl needs a burger every once in a while ;) ), but there are a lot of different ways to achieve the same goal.
Of course this means that I need to stop doing some of the things I've been doing lately - I've gotten myself into a situation that in the past I would have said wasn't that big of a deal. A friends with benefits type deal that would have, in the past, been fine (except that he has a gf and that's never been okay in my book - we could go on for days about why I've compromised that belief and I still couldn't tell you why...I just don't know). But if I'm going to inspire others, I need to be able to look at my life and my choices and say that I'm making the best choices I can for myself, my boys and to honor God. Sleeping with a man who is not my husband and who has a girlfriend is not good for any of us. I know this. And it's time to stop (and hopefully maintain the friendship). I'm just grateful that God is merciful and has never-ending grace and understands that I'm human and sometimes I give in when I should say no. And sometimes I'm like a little kid and will do something I know isn't the right thing to do just because I want to.
I've seen God move in my life and bless me in so many ways in the past 11 months - it'd be stupid to keep making selfish, self-serving choices and screw it all up now. Especially when the biggest blessing is still to come.
I've come under fire from time to time for my decision to not give in to the temptations of the flesh; I've been accused of depriving myself of my basic needs. And I can understand why some people would see it that way. I, however, don't feel like that's what I'm doing at all. Sure, I miss hugging and kissing and cuddling. But I can hold on a little longer knowing that I won't have to be without it forever. I'm going down on the 21st to file for my divorce. It'll take 90 days for it to be final...once it's final, I can date with a clear conscious. 90 days isn't so long to wait, not in the whole grand scheme of things.
So I'm going to keep on keeping on...being true to myself and my beliefs. Believing that He has big plans for me and that He's gonna use me to inspire others. And that's more than enough to keep me going.
I want to be more like Daniel. I want to live my life in such a way that I inspire others to accept God into their hearts. I'm not saying I'm going to do things just like he did (this girl needs a burger every once in a while ;) ), but there are a lot of different ways to achieve the same goal.
Of course this means that I need to stop doing some of the things I've been doing lately - I've gotten myself into a situation that in the past I would have said wasn't that big of a deal. A friends with benefits type deal that would have, in the past, been fine (except that he has a gf and that's never been okay in my book - we could go on for days about why I've compromised that belief and I still couldn't tell you why...I just don't know). But if I'm going to inspire others, I need to be able to look at my life and my choices and say that I'm making the best choices I can for myself, my boys and to honor God. Sleeping with a man who is not my husband and who has a girlfriend is not good for any of us. I know this. And it's time to stop (and hopefully maintain the friendship). I'm just grateful that God is merciful and has never-ending grace and understands that I'm human and sometimes I give in when I should say no. And sometimes I'm like a little kid and will do something I know isn't the right thing to do just because I want to.
I've seen God move in my life and bless me in so many ways in the past 11 months - it'd be stupid to keep making selfish, self-serving choices and screw it all up now. Especially when the biggest blessing is still to come.
I've come under fire from time to time for my decision to not give in to the temptations of the flesh; I've been accused of depriving myself of my basic needs. And I can understand why some people would see it that way. I, however, don't feel like that's what I'm doing at all. Sure, I miss hugging and kissing and cuddling. But I can hold on a little longer knowing that I won't have to be without it forever. I'm going down on the 21st to file for my divorce. It'll take 90 days for it to be final...once it's final, I can date with a clear conscious. 90 days isn't so long to wait, not in the whole grand scheme of things.
So I'm going to keep on keeping on...being true to myself and my beliefs. Believing that He has big plans for me and that He's gonna use me to inspire others. And that's more than enough to keep me going.