*Deep breath* Okay...here we go...
My year-long moratorium on LJ usage was not intentional. It just...happened. It's been a tremendously difficult year, and as my life unraveled I didn't have the strength or the intestinal fortitude to share it in a blog. I have good friends here. I don't know why I withdrew. Most of you have been with me on FaceBook, but that's another world. With fresh excitement in the HP community, I've been thinking of you all a LOT. A nudge from one of my dearest LJ friends made me realize how much I've missed you all. I feel very badly that I wasn't there for all of you, because I'm sure I haven't cornered the market on life's difficulties, but I just...I dunno...retreated to lick my wounds. If it's any consolation, I did the same in my personal life, paring back my activities to work and home.
So here's the update:
We lost our home. We were so proud of it, and had many, many happy hours in it. We had invested our time, energy, money, bodies and spirits into it, and had made it the "go to" place among our childrens' friends. Unfortunately, we had purchased it on a land contract five years previous, and when the balloon payment came due, we were unable to obtain financing. We are a mere statistic in the housing crisis, but to us it was intensely personal. The value of the house had dropped far below the purchase price, and we owed more on it than it was worth...given the current mortgage climate, we had a better chance of getting struck by lightning than of getting a mortgage. We had always been assured that the owner would simply renew the contract, but he was in the midst of his own financial crisis, and had given financial power of attorney to his sister, who by necessity had to be ruthless, and saw us as bloodsucking leeches rather than faithful friends who had taken a white elephant off his hands in a downturned market. She was insulted when we offered less than we owed (the amount the bank WOULD finance) and we were put through hell as she began foreclosure proceedings and we could not speak with our friend. He could not acknowledge our pain, and we could not acknowledge his. It was a God's honest nightmare that took three long months to resolve. We will probably never have another home, since everything we had was tied up in this one, and there is no earthly way to save a 20% downpayment on our current income to debt ratio. We now live in a tiny old apartment with a full basement. All of our household things are in storage indefinitely as we continue to reel.
At the same time that the foreclosure was occurring, I moved in to the new library. It is beautiful! Clean and straight and strong, brightly lit and wonderfully inviting. Our circulation tripled, but it was not without stress. We did not expect the economy to collapse during our capital campaign and we are $200,000 short of our fundraising goal. It is a dual project...library/sr center...but I come under public fire every month at the Village Board for spearheading a failed campaign. Mind you, I'm maintaining a full collection and a full range of programming while being held to under 30 hours a week with no benefits at a wage that is 50% below state guidelines for a library of this size. I get a total of 30 part-time hours in addition to my own to run this place. That's. It. Add to that the easily forgotten fact that we were initially promised half a million from the Village, and were only given $350,000...hmmm...pretty close to that shortfall, innit? So...my dream of leaving a legacy to this community has come true, but it cost me so much, and is seen as a failure rather than a triumph. While all hell broke loose in our lives, I couldn't leave this project high and dry, so...yeah. I am actively searching for work, but there is little to find in rural America these days. I'm told all the time that I should be grateful for what little I have.
Yeah, it gets better. At the same time as we were losing the house and the library was being completed, I became very ill and spent most of January and February in and out of the hospital. I had been too busy and distracted to realize that I was getting sick, so - yeah. Healing has been slow, and I continue to experience problems, but since we are buried in medical debt now, I'm just maintaining.
At the same time, Lukas dropped out of college because it became unaffordable. Student loan vultures descended in a matter of a few short months, and he was dropped from our insurance just in time for him to have an emergency appendectomy. More medical debt. But we don't need universal health, right? He's doing his best, working a couple of jobs, and trying to climb out of the student loan hole so he can go back to school. He wants to marry his high school sweetheart, and their plans have been put on hold until he has something to offer. He is sleeping in the basement (a stone cellar) because there isn't a bedroom for him.
Erika is about to turn eighteen, bonny and beautiful, entering her senior year. I feel for her, as this should be the most exciting time in her life. Instead, we have nothing to offer her except love and support, and our presence is in short supply. I continue to work three jobs, Dreamcoat_dad works longer and longer days, but sales continue to flag.
We know that our sorrows are not unique. Many, many families across this nation are struggling to overcome the crisis that an irresponsible few have generated. To say we are angry is an understatement. Everything we've worked so hard for is gone from us. Our hard-won credit is in ruins, and we are terrified for the future of our children, who are neither Rhodes Scholars, nor able to show sufficient need enough to get assistance for school. We aren't making enough money to do anything other than survive, but we make too much to qualify for any help.
We've lost everything three time before this due to plant closings, downsizing and lay-offs. It's not new. What is new is that we are middle-aged, our children can't be comforted with a snuggle and a song, and we now know that our retirement will never happen. A bitter pill. I just couldn't put it all in writing without sounding whiny and self-pitying, so I chose to withdraw. This is the only time I'm going to talk about it unless something new comes up.
We are essentially still the same. We survive by filling our space with laughter. Our children's friends still seek us out and stay to eat my cooking, not caring about where we live or why. My work is fulfilling (if not lucrative) and we have a marvelous support network of friends and family. We continue to hope for better, and we still have each other. We have simplified our lives, and I say "no" to volunteer commitments on a regular basis now! The church has not proven to be a source of support, so I give them the bare minimum of my time, and have withdrawn my services as a worker bee in all facets but music until I am physically and emotionally stronger.
Well, that's it. That's why. Not a super good excuse, but at least an explanation. I've missed you all. I invite you to Face Book where I can be found under the name Mary Ress Shearer, and in the meantime, I'll try to be more of a presence on LJ.
So here's the update:
We lost our home. We were so proud of it, and had many, many happy hours in it. We had invested our time, energy, money, bodies and spirits into it, and had made it the "go to" place among our childrens' friends. Unfortunately, we had purchased it on a land contract five years previous, and when the balloon payment came due, we were unable to obtain financing. We are a mere statistic in the housing crisis, but to us it was intensely personal. The value of the house had dropped far below the purchase price, and we owed more on it than it was worth...given the current mortgage climate, we had a better chance of getting struck by lightning than of getting a mortgage. We had always been assured that the owner would simply renew the contract, but he was in the midst of his own financial crisis, and had given financial power of attorney to his sister, who by necessity had to be ruthless, and saw us as bloodsucking leeches rather than faithful friends who had taken a white elephant off his hands in a downturned market. She was insulted when we offered less than we owed (the amount the bank WOULD finance) and we were put through hell as she began foreclosure proceedings and we could not speak with our friend. He could not acknowledge our pain, and we could not acknowledge his. It was a God's honest nightmare that took three long months to resolve. We will probably never have another home, since everything we had was tied up in this one, and there is no earthly way to save a 20% downpayment on our current income to debt ratio. We now live in a tiny old apartment with a full basement. All of our household things are in storage indefinitely as we continue to reel.
At the same time that the foreclosure was occurring, I moved in to the new library. It is beautiful! Clean and straight and strong, brightly lit and wonderfully inviting. Our circulation tripled, but it was not without stress. We did not expect the economy to collapse during our capital campaign and we are $200,000 short of our fundraising goal. It is a dual project...library/sr center...but I come under public fire every month at the Village Board for spearheading a failed campaign. Mind you, I'm maintaining a full collection and a full range of programming while being held to under 30 hours a week with no benefits at a wage that is 50% below state guidelines for a library of this size. I get a total of 30 part-time hours in addition to my own to run this place. That's. It. Add to that the easily forgotten fact that we were initially promised half a million from the Village, and were only given $350,000...hmmm...pretty close to that shortfall, innit? So...my dream of leaving a legacy to this community has come true, but it cost me so much, and is seen as a failure rather than a triumph. While all hell broke loose in our lives, I couldn't leave this project high and dry, so...yeah. I am actively searching for work, but there is little to find in rural America these days. I'm told all the time that I should be grateful for what little I have.
Yeah, it gets better. At the same time as we were losing the house and the library was being completed, I became very ill and spent most of January and February in and out of the hospital. I had been too busy and distracted to realize that I was getting sick, so - yeah. Healing has been slow, and I continue to experience problems, but since we are buried in medical debt now, I'm just maintaining.
At the same time, Lukas dropped out of college because it became unaffordable. Student loan vultures descended in a matter of a few short months, and he was dropped from our insurance just in time for him to have an emergency appendectomy. More medical debt. But we don't need universal health, right? He's doing his best, working a couple of jobs, and trying to climb out of the student loan hole so he can go back to school. He wants to marry his high school sweetheart, and their plans have been put on hold until he has something to offer. He is sleeping in the basement (a stone cellar) because there isn't a bedroom for him.
Erika is about to turn eighteen, bonny and beautiful, entering her senior year. I feel for her, as this should be the most exciting time in her life. Instead, we have nothing to offer her except love and support, and our presence is in short supply. I continue to work three jobs, Dreamcoat_dad works longer and longer days, but sales continue to flag.
We know that our sorrows are not unique. Many, many families across this nation are struggling to overcome the crisis that an irresponsible few have generated. To say we are angry is an understatement. Everything we've worked so hard for is gone from us. Our hard-won credit is in ruins, and we are terrified for the future of our children, who are neither Rhodes Scholars, nor able to show sufficient need enough to get assistance for school. We aren't making enough money to do anything other than survive, but we make too much to qualify for any help.
We've lost everything three time before this due to plant closings, downsizing and lay-offs. It's not new. What is new is that we are middle-aged, our children can't be comforted with a snuggle and a song, and we now know that our retirement will never happen. A bitter pill. I just couldn't put it all in writing without sounding whiny and self-pitying, so I chose to withdraw. This is the only time I'm going to talk about it unless something new comes up.
We are essentially still the same. We survive by filling our space with laughter. Our children's friends still seek us out and stay to eat my cooking, not caring about where we live or why. My work is fulfilling (if not lucrative) and we have a marvelous support network of friends and family. We continue to hope for better, and we still have each other. We have simplified our lives, and I say "no" to volunteer commitments on a regular basis now! The church has not proven to be a source of support, so I give them the bare minimum of my time, and have withdrawn my services as a worker bee in all facets but music until I am physically and emotionally stronger.
Well, that's it. That's why. Not a super good excuse, but at least an explanation. I've missed you all. I invite you to Face Book where I can be found under the name Mary Ress Shearer, and in the meantime, I'll try to be more of a presence on LJ.