of dreams and sadness
i had a really horrible dream on christmas eve morning that i was on a boat in a lake and dutch and tonka were floating on surface, about 2 feet apart, unmoving. i dove into the water, trying to formulate how to give a cat mouth-to-mouth, and reached tonka as he began to slip away downward. i grabbed at him and ... i dunno, my mind freaked out and woke me up. i cried for a while and went back to sleep, trying to get the taste of the dream out of my head. i did dream something else, but it's two days later and this is still haunting me.
i'm sure it is some metaphorical shit about me losing the monsters, because i'm going to move out soon, or lose peesh, as her health is slowly failing (and i'm not going to be able to see her for two and a half weeks), or that my relationship with melissa has so thoroughly twisted itself inside out, or .. all of the above.
(D) all of the above
i should be happy. i had a wonderful xmas with raina.. but even she can tell i'm sad, and is trying to be loving and supportive. and i just feel like i'm ruining everything.
i'm sure it is some metaphorical shit about me losing the monsters, because i'm going to move out soon, or lose peesh, as her health is slowly failing (and i'm not going to be able to see her for two and a half weeks), or that my relationship with melissa has so thoroughly twisted itself inside out, or .. all of the above.
(D) all of the above
i should be happy. i had a wonderful xmas with raina.. but even she can tell i'm sad, and is trying to be loving and supportive. and i just feel like i'm ruining everything.