f plus 25 days - euphoria
last week i took a selfie. it's me.
me.
the me that i should have always been. i shared it with a few people even though it's generally not an image i would have done so with: i have a hint of stubble, i was doing something silly with my lip color, my wig is slightly askew, around my nose is shiny with neosporin.
i wasn't intending to capture an image so .. me, and i stopped to stare at it for what seemed like days. tears filled my eyes; i couldn't imagine seeing myself through a lens devoid of some remnant of my old self-loathing.
i didn't actually cry; i've already been happy-crying at my reflection for a couple weeks - like even through the early swelling, i instantly knew that my new face was mine, but i couldn't imagine how happy i would feel because of it. and this was a whole new dimension.
i wasn't just happy, this picture is me finally starting to feel in love with myself. finally starting to find some peace in who i wasn't, who i've always been, and who i'm becoming.
a type of euphoria that i've never felt before.
me.
the me that i should have always been. i shared it with a few people even though it's generally not an image i would have done so with: i have a hint of stubble, i was doing something silly with my lip color, my wig is slightly askew, around my nose is shiny with neosporin.
i wasn't intending to capture an image so .. me, and i stopped to stare at it for what seemed like days. tears filled my eyes; i couldn't imagine seeing myself through a lens devoid of some remnant of my old self-loathing.
i didn't actually cry; i've already been happy-crying at my reflection for a couple weeks - like even through the early swelling, i instantly knew that my new face was mine, but i couldn't imagine how happy i would feel because of it. and this was a whole new dimension.
i wasn't just happy, this picture is me finally starting to feel in love with myself. finally starting to find some peace in who i wasn't, who i've always been, and who i'm becoming.
a type of euphoria that i've never felt before.