perils of facial surgery
here's a few things no one will tell you about FFS (although i assume it is equally applicable to any major facial surgery).
#1 -- as the nerves reconnect, plucking your eyebrows becomes a hellraiser-themed game of duck-duck-goose:
pluck !~ no feeling
pluck !~ no feeling
pluck !~ no feeling
pluck !!!!!! excruciating pain.. and done with that shit for today.
#2 -- be thankful that covid has made us all casually ambivalent about putting swabs up your nose. because you're going to put a lot of neosporin and aquaphor up your nose. far up your nose. and if you don't it's just going to bleed down the back of your throat later.
#3 -- your own hair will be your bestest frenemy. it will hide the stitches, mostly. maybe. it will get stuck in the neosporin and get slimy. it'll by frizzy, dry, oily, and probably gross regardless of time of day. each day it requires one castile soap wash to get rid of the neosporin, one shampoo, and 2 to 5 rounds of conditioner.
#4 -- chlorhexidine mouthwash is the most foul tasting liquid i've had to put in my mouth for at least a decade. you have to swish with it at least 4 times daily. on the plus side, you get used to it - after about a week, i couldn't hardly taste it anymore.
#5 -- "any sufficiently advanced stitch-ends are indistinguishable from the hairs that you are about to attempt to shave off" - arthur c. clarke (probably)
#6 -- it's going to hurt like hell to try and rub your eye, so make sure you occasionally spritz them with soapy water while showering. for good measure, tilt your head to rinse your burning eye and get all of the water in your ear instead.
don't get me wrong, i'm just trying to make fun of some of the lesser pains of this process -- would i do it all again?
yes. in a fucking second.
.
.
.
actual helpful tidbits:
also, just staying away from work, my laptop, and the news will make healing less fraught with stress.
#1 -- as the nerves reconnect, plucking your eyebrows becomes a hellraiser-themed game of duck-duck-goose:
pluck !~ no feeling
pluck !~ no feeling
pluck !~ no feeling
pluck !!!!!! excruciating pain.. and done with that shit for today.
#2 -- be thankful that covid has made us all casually ambivalent about putting swabs up your nose. because you're going to put a lot of neosporin and aquaphor up your nose. far up your nose. and if you don't it's just going to bleed down the back of your throat later.
#3 -- your own hair will be your bestest frenemy. it will hide the stitches, mostly. maybe. it will get stuck in the neosporin and get slimy. it'll by frizzy, dry, oily, and probably gross regardless of time of day. each day it requires one castile soap wash to get rid of the neosporin, one shampoo, and 2 to 5 rounds of conditioner.
#4 -- chlorhexidine mouthwash is the most foul tasting liquid i've had to put in my mouth for at least a decade. you have to swish with it at least 4 times daily. on the plus side, you get used to it - after about a week, i couldn't hardly taste it anymore.
#5 -- "any sufficiently advanced stitch-ends are indistinguishable from the hairs that you are about to attempt to shave off" - arthur c. clarke (probably)
#6 -- it's going to hurt like hell to try and rub your eye, so make sure you occasionally spritz them with soapy water while showering. for good measure, tilt your head to rinse your burning eye and get all of the water in your ear instead.
don't get me wrong, i'm just trying to make fun of some of the lesser pains of this process -- would i do it all again?
yes. in a fucking second.
.
.
.
actual helpful tidbits:
- buy a lot of extra neosporin. i have gone through 6 tubes in 2 weeks.
- buy extra (nasal spray) saline, and q-tips.
- if you wear glasses, getting a "post-rhinoplasty glasses holder headband" thing is a must. it looks stupid, but i can drive a car, so..
- recovery constipation is a thing, have miralax on hand but don't overdo it. make sure you have some immodium on hand too.
- days that i get my steps in (usually [pr|d]ancing around in the backyard) are the days i generally feel the best.
- don't let anything dry out. especially your sinuses. hacking up giant blood clot/snot balls is amazingly uncomfortable.
- get some comfy pajama pants - i can't stress this enough. also, a soft head-scarf if you want something to cover the stitches if you have to go out.
- if you have piercings, do yourself a favor and put your jewelry back in sooner than later. i procrastinated putting my nipple rings back in for a week and lost size from 6g to 10g.
also, just staying away from work, my laptop, and the news will make healing less fraught with stress.